The Choice for Clarity (glimpse into my world)

This pathetic remnant was abandoned on our kitchen counter just pleading to be the catalyst for a blog post. How could I resist? Take a look at that picture. A close look. What do you see? Well, I mean, I know you see a piece of cake. A really small piece of cake. Some might say it is a piece so small that it doesn't even make sense that someone left it in the box. Especially when you come upon the knowledge that this is the Maccaroni favorite right now, Wegman's Raspberry Crumb Cake. It is absolutely delicious, and one of the few edible items that all five kids (and their mother) agree is amazing. Even Rebecca, who is currently by far the most nutritiously conscious, can be seen enjoying this cake when it enters the house. By the way, treats such as this are purchased once a week and available only as long as we can make it last. I don't go back to buy more when it is gone. So now, with that new knowledge, tell me what you see.

With my mother's-eye, I see two possibilities.  

Possibility #1. A piece left so that the leaver didn't have to dispose of the box and deliver the knife to the sink. (a likely possibility with this crew) 

OR 

Possibility #2. A piece abandoned so that there was something left, however small, for the next person who desired a piece of this family favorite. 

Reason #1. Total disregard for others. 

OR 

Reason #2. Total other-centered thinking. 

If I wanted to, I could take the mother-perspective a bit further and attempt to surmise the goal by considering the possible 'leaver'.  Depending on the child who left it, my mind toggles between the two possibilities. Is that fair? Probably not. So I'll move on.

I am reminded of my first ever Facebook post...the moment I finally understood the purpose of that type of social media. The kids were small. It was likely about ten years ago, and it was Easter morning. I was  setting up the Easter 'baskets', which in this house were really never much more than a chocolate bunny and some jelly beans in a homemade paper mess. As I removed the chocolate bunnies from their shopping bag, it became apparent I was in trouble. One bunny had its ears broken right off its little bunny head. The question arose, "Who gets the broken bunny?" I went through each of my five children attempting to find the one that could handle having the broken ears. You know it was a crap shoot...and there was no way to win. Or was there? I'll let you sit with that for a bit while we enjoy one more story. 

A year ago, (if you've been reading my words this long I thank you!), you know that I took my kids on our first ever vacation with only one adult (me), to Boston. What you might not know is that for the duration of the trip, I suffered from excruciating pain from a tooth that I later found out was in need of a root canal. As these things often go with me, I did not begin the process of correcting the issue until much later in the year. Five dentist and endodontist visits later, I was finally sitting in the dentist chair being sized up for the molded crown when pop...it fell into my throat. No kidding...right down. The dentist was mortified. Apparently in 27 years of practice, this had never happened to him before. As he apologized profusely, I teetered between 

Option #1. Crying because I really just needed this to be done and I just swallowed the final chapter 

OR 

Option #2. Laughing because it was really quite funny. 

Outcome #1. Certainly making the dentist feel much worse for an accident that was clearly freakish in nature.

OR 

Outcome #2. Undoubtedly putting him at ease and helping him find the humor in life's mishaps. 

Before you try to figure out how this went, you need to know that just before I left for the final dentist appointment I found this.

Yep...that's a ring.  My father's wedding band. In a bag of frozen ground meat. I had lost it about a week prior and spent a crazy amount of time looking for it because it meant A LOT to me. So needless to say as I got to the dentist office I was feeling happy and grateful to have found it. (Wait? This kind of nonsense happens to all of you on a daily basis too, right? haha!) 

At every moment, in every juncture, we have a decision to make. The choice we make not only effects us, but inevitably effects those around us, positively or negatively. My One Word this year is Clarity. 

I am seeking clarity in the decisions I make. Why did I do that? What did I intend to gain or lose by my actions? How did my actions effect others? What am I not even considering that is also prey to the decisions I make? 

I am seeking clarity in the words I utilize. Did the words I chose help or hurt? Were they kind? Did they make the day better? 

I am seeking Clarity in the path of my life. Am I on the right track? Am I creating a future that will make me happy? Help my children? 

The choice is ALWAYS ours. In each of these stories described, others could have been built up or torn down. I choose to build up, and apparently so do my children. 

The cake was left for someone else to have a little taste before it was gone. "I didn't need to eat all of the last piece." was the statement made. 

As for the bunnies, I didn't choose one child to get broken ears...I chose them all. Yep, as sadistic as it seemed, I cracked all those chocolate ears and guess what, no one cried...all felt valued and equal.  

And anyone who knows me knows that I couldn't help but laugh as I felt the crown that was intended for my mouth move down my esophagus. I assured the dentist it wasn't in my windpipe, and as he breathed a sigh of relief, I cracked jokes and couldn't wait for the story it would provide. 

In the end, the choice to put others at the forefront of our words, actions and minds is always available. Leave the cake, break those bunny ears, and if you happen to swallow the crown that is intended to be cemented into your mouth today after months of appointments, drilling and pain, laugh it off. These are the gifts of choice, life and kindness that are provided to us each day. Seek Clarity, Choose Wisely. 

People Need Purpose...growing adults from the seeds of childhood

This world does not leave much room for those of us who just want to write for fun and frivolity. It seems as though no matter what nonsense goes through my mind, it never measures up to the current state of our earthly vessel, and so I need to address something more important. Maybe "address" is not the right word.  I mean, political pundits "address" what's happening in the US and the world. They look at it, analyze it, find fault and attempt to weave their ideas together to help you and me feel we know what is happening. And I am more than happy to step back while they do their job and instead write about my dog and classroom antics. But here is the thing...when events or general disregard for fellow humans occur that eat away at me, that is life telling me it is time to pay attention and get to work. This is not about any one event, but just how things seem to be right now. Here is what my mind can't let go:

Misbehavior is misbehavior. Poor choices are poor choices. Deplorable is deplorable.
There is no explanation necessary. There is no excuse possible. 
But Having Purpose Saves Lives.

When I began my teaching career, I worked for a little private school in Basking Ridge New Jersey called The Lord Stirling School. That was in 1993. Yesterday I looked it up. It is still there today and still boasting success working with students who fill their admissions application with a laundry list of indiscretions that have made attending traditional school no longer a viable option. My role in the school was to be the academic teacher to students enrolled in the automotive track in hopes to learn a trade that would help them succeed and survive beyond their high school years. I loved that job! And when I look back at it now, I have the clear 20/20 hindsight that folks like to conjure up when regarding something of the past. We were teachers. We were teaching young men who already owned a long list of police records, assaults, thievery, gang affiliations and general lack of regard for humanity. In 1993 I believed I could help them learn to find their way and succeed even while they could not imagine their life lasting longer than 22 years. I visited homes in cities such as Camden, Trenton and Irvington to name a few. I sat with mothers, and more often grandmothers, who did not know what to do to help the child they were expected to magically turn into a caring adult. 

So here is what I learned then that I can now apply to the events that seem to be happening in our world more frequently and with increased fervor. These young men I cared deeply about were not created overnight to believe thievery, assault and pushing drugs was the best avenue for their lives. As we sat playing chess, they told me of life in prison, of spitting on their dinner to ensure no one else would steal it, of random cavity "checks" by security and of family members who had given up on them. They were describing emptiness and vacancy. They were living life without purpose and as such, were willing, more than anyone I ever met since, to follow where ever they could be led in order to feel accepted and meaningful. 

I'm not making any political or societal assumptions here, or pointing any fingers. In fact, I am not even thinking of anything in particular as I write this, but rather a general funk that has taken residence in our world. People are sad. People are mislead. People lack purpose. People are desperate. People are empty. People are people. Period. But, say what you want about my naiveite, I chose back then in 1993, and I choose now, to believe that most people are good. Mislead, desperate, righteous, immature...perhaps...but good. "Every child deserves a champion." says Rita Pierson. That's true and you know it. It's not naïve to believe that's what it takes to make a difference. It's not pie in the sky to think teaching people to realize their purpose helps save lives. It's true. And that means we have work to do. If having purpose saves lives, who do you know who needs your help in creating a map to their purpose, their meaning, their vision for future? The littlest gesture can make all the difference in this world.

And Now, a Message from Our Sponsors (Students)

This post will be a bit different. I really just have all these things floating through my mind that I think would be best shared with those in the field. Do with it what you want...maybe some pertains to you and maybe some doesn't. Maybe you are tired of hearing other people's input on how we should be doing this thing called "school" or maybe you need more insights. Maybe you are a teacher, administrator, parent or student. Wherever and whoever you are in the journey, here are some thoughts from the Maccaroni household that might help you know you are not alone, things will get better, and this is just one chapter in life.  

And Now, a Message from Our Sponsors...

Toxic Optimism is real...it's like drinking protein drinks and muscle milk without working out. Just as consuming those haphazardly would overwhelm the sedentary body with too much extra physical whatnot, optimism that enters your mind as soundbites can overwhelm the psyche with too much extra mental whatnot. We need to be working on our optimism and positive outlook in our private meditative time in order to live in the midst of all the, "We've Got This!" and "Tomorrow Will Be a Better Day!" without losing our minds. Without putting in the effort toward optimism, sound bites such as those can actually be detrimental to our mental well-being. So be careful...if you want to believe that "All You Need is Love", be sure to nurture the tools necessary to achieve such lofty goals. Balance.

Screen Aversion is real...attending school on screen and then later needing to do all homework on screen is actually cruel to our children. I have watched my children who by the way love school, be reduced to tears by evening over the amount of time they are forced to spend in front of their computers. Please, please, please, consider that homework is OVERKILL in this computer driven educational forum during a pandemic. Really and truly, it is just unethical. In fact, if you have never heard of Intrusive Homework Disorder, read HERE. But even as true as that post is, I am coming at this from a totally different perspective these days. It is just too much! Moderation.

On-Camera Distraction is real...forcing teens to keep their cameras on when they are remote learning is like giving them a fidget spinner in their head. My daughters have told me that in the classes where they are forced to be onscreen they cannot concentrate on the lesson or the work. They are worried about how terrible they perceive themselves to appear to others, and can focus on little else. Why??? What benefit is there to having their faces on screen? I mean, I love to see my students. Don't misunderstand me. Little else makes me happier. But if I know that it is painful for them, I don't make them show their faces. Their faces showing does not mean they are paying attention. In fact to hear my personal children talk of it, it has the opposite outcome...they simply cannot learn that way. It's not disrespectful for them to be off-screen. It is not about you. It's a true distraction to them. Empathy.

Educational Inequity is real...our schools were built up and around the dominant culture of our country and our students of all races suffer as we muddle through keeping the dying system intact. Equity cannot wait for "enough time" or "the right time" or "a convenient time". Unless and until we are able to consistently consider and confront the inequities of our school system, my children and yours will not be able to move forward in the work of being good humans. Our children have the potential to change the way things are done in our country, but they need the tools of an honest education, rooted in all angles of history, in order to do this effectively. Knowledge.

Academic Anxiety is real...my daughter, when asked what she most wanted her teachers to know, said, "that sometimes participating through the chat is the most I can do because I already have anxiety when I want to share my opinion and it's worse not knowing if my mic is going to work so the chat is actually helpful, but teachers hate it." Enough said. Flexibility

Student Stress is real...from my other children, "Please don't try to have us go to other websites when on Zoom because the computers we have aren't made for that." They went on to say that they worry their teachers think they are not participating or trying, meanwhile they are in panic mode because the computer won't support the various tabs being open. Another one said, "Please slow down. We are not in school where I can see you and hear everything." Awareness

I'd like to end by saying that my children acknowledged how difficult this is for their teachers.  After only two days participating in hybrid learning, my daughter said how much her opinions of her teachers had been altered for the better. Before meeting them in person, her teachers seemed aloof, uncaring, distracted. "They seemed they were just reciting a monologue." After watching her teachers teaching on Zoom while she was in-person in the classroom, she was amazed at how hard it must be for them to be talking with no one seemingly paying attention, the computer not always cooperating and students not responding vocally. It helped her to see it in person. Clarity