Thank You for Reading My Mind: Post #100

My ending slide of just about any presentation or professional learning workshop I offer invites attendees to "Read My Mind at donnamacc@blogspot.com". When you join me here, it is with the intention to literally do just that...read my mind. For one hundred posts at In My Spare Time, you have been reading my mind, and for that, I want to sincerely thank you! Thank you for being here. This milestone post, while to many who write regularly is just a drop in the bucket, represents more to me than most readers realize. For 100 posts I have wrestled with my thoughts, considered how others will receive what I have to say, and been gentle with the feelings of my readers, all while conveying something I felt was worth the time of anyone who came here to read. 

Anyone who knows me in the physical realm, knows that I don't talk much, and certainly not for the sheer experience of talking. In fact, my joy comes more from listening, organizing my thoughts and sitting with them. Why? There are a few reasons this characteristic is part of my nature. I think the strongest drive is that my other-aware-ness does not wish to take up airwaves that others need. Others have a need to talk and to be heard. I don't have that need on a regular basis. I am quite happy keeping my thoughts to myself, with the trust that in a group of people, eventually someone else will say what needs to be said, and can then claim the ownership of the ideas I had swimming around in my mind.

In My Spare Time was born from the notion that I had things to say, but I didn't want to force them on anyone. One of my cherished educational mentors who is the principal of my school and appreciates my contemplative nature will sometimes note that she knows I will send my thoughts to her in written form after a meeting. It is true. In the midst of a meeting, I do not feel the need to take other people's time in order to say what I am thinking. Others with whom I have worked for years will often make a point to ask me to voice my thoughts after all cards of an issue have been shown, because they know I will otherwise avoid speak up on the spot. 

I really don't mean to be mysterious! I certainly don't mean to draw this additional attention, in fact that is the last thing I want! My silence is purposeful, but I know it is not always the best avenue to take. It is a matter of comfort and lack of confidence. First of all, I cannot think on my feet. I need to ruminate and conjure up the words to express my thoughts. I also like to allow myself the time to think of various sides of an issue before responding. Perspective is not something I wish to verbalize when it is only one-dimensional. But taking the time to think of other dimensions does not produce immediate results. My mind needs time to consider varying points of view before my voice wants to chime in.

One thing that has stuck with me is a comment made by a professor in my Master's program when we first met as a class. She said, and I know the exact words because I wrote them down, "Please speak from your heart and share your thoughts. No one is judging your delivery and we expect that the words you use will be unpolished and raw." That was permission to do exactly what I so often struggle to do in real time. During that class, I tried! I would turn to those words and conjure up the courage to share my raw and unpolished thoughts. It worked there in that class, but when I try to get to the same verbal comfort level at a work meeting, for example, or even at home during discussions, the permission falls flat. Those situations seem much more important and permanent. Words said will be words remembered and regurgitated. Once spoken, they can come back to heal or to haunt. Their importance is too daunting to just be tossed around willy-nilly. And so I write.

Here I am writing my thoughts. Knowing that you are all here reading because you actually want to hear what I have to say, not because I am forcing you to listen. Knowing that I have weighed the words deliberately, balancing their message with care and concern for your hearts. Knowing that I have considered varying ideas and perspectives, relaying the message that my thoughts are not more important, more pertinent or more true than those of others. I have not come here to spew, force or pressure, but rather to shed light, suggest and share. That is my comfort. And anyone here reading my mind and sharing my thoughts with me is welcome and cherished. If only three people read these words, I will know they read them of their own volition. Thank you!

A Loss for Us All: Teen Suicide and the Need for Your Heart Vibes

There are staggering statistics that can be shown to depict the devastation of teen suicide. You and I can easily find those numbers and try to imagine our way into awareness. The fact is, numbers like that; stats and figures, only lend themselves to the unfathomability of the tragedy. Philosophy has coined the phrase "hyperobject" to depict numbers and realities so immense, so abominable, that we cannot wrap our minds around them. The consequence is indifference to outcomes. Examples include fast fashion, environmental abuse, human trafficking and global starvation. We read about them, watch news about them, and go about our lives as though we cannot do anything about them. 

Our community's summer started with another loss of teen life to the hands of suicide. This young man, whose age is planted between that of my two youngest children, took his life last week, just as the emptiness of summer loomed. His loss of life is not lost on this mom-heart, and so here I am to say out loud what I hope others are feeling and thinking. These children are not a statistic to be tossed around as a hyperobject that is unattainable and unintelligible. These are our children who are hurting and suffering a sense of non-existence, non-purpose, non-importance, severe destitution, whatever you want to call it...they need us. I am not trying to pretend to know what could have helped this young man. I am sure and certain that his family and friends loved him dearly and wanted to spend the rest of their lives doing so...with him by their sides. I also do not pretend to understand their devastation. What I want is for those of us still walking this earth to understand and hold in our hearts the care and love of each individual we encounter. 

No encounter is unimportant. No amount of time you spend with anyone is frivolous. I like to imagine that our hearts have invisible but energetic vibes that reach out to the hearts of others with unexplainable power and passion. I often tell people that I will be "sending positive vibes" when they have a challenge to face or when they are being called to live the mundanity of everyday life. My heart reaches out and connects in ways I don't always understand, but I know it happens because I can feel the energy being sent; the energy necessary to fuel all that my heart has to give. Your heart has the same power. We all do, so don't think you are immune, and please, don't keep it in! We need to connect and we need to care. Care for each other, care for our families, care for those we love and those we don't, care for the waitress, the cashier and the landscaper, everyone...E.V.E.R.Y.O.N.E. with whom you share this journey. Your heart vibes can be the string of hope that someone needs. It's not unfathomable, its just a consequence of humanity.

This young man's family and friends have set up a "Go Fund Me' page that I would like to share with you. Their hope is to create a memorial bench in the lake community where Michael lived, where he spread his heart vibes and where his family will undoubtedly find him as they travel the rest of their lives without his physical presence, but carrying his heart vibes in theirs. Please consider joining me in helping them feel that we are "sending positive vibes" in this time of great loss.

https://gofund.me/9f4133c7

Flexibility and Flowers

Maybe it's my nature to want to care for living creatures, and with parenting moving toward enjoying the emerging adulthood of my children more than in finding ways to keep them from personal destruction, I've found that I am bringing more and more plants and flowers into my home and yard. With the new variety that surrounds me, I have needed to research and learn varying approaches to caring for these new additions. It never needed to occur to me that plant care is more than just "don't forget to water". Some plants need a lot of water all at once, then days of non-watering while others need consistent water, but not a deluge at any one time. Some plants need full sunshine while others require shade, and still others thrive in a balance of the two. Then there's the soil, the ph, the fertilizer, the container, etc...you get the picture. There is a lot more involved than my ignorance knew. Yes, I have had to research, but I have also had to relax my mind into accepting that there are many different ways to care for plants, and unless I am willing to change my "one-size-fits-all" attitude, I will have a lot of wilting and withering on my hands. 

Flexibility in thinking is challenging for many of us. Admitting we don’t know things is often even harder. My friend and I shared breakfast this morning before she was going to be stretched...at a stretching place…called Stretch-lab...by a Flexologist.  Having never heard of such a thing, I asked for an explanation, and could not help but see the relationship between flexibility as our physical need and flexibility as our mental need. My friend goes to be stretched and this has helped her to alleviate other physical ailments, as well as reduced her physical discomfort. By moving her muscles and joints in new ways that she would not be able to do on her own, the Flexologist is making a positive impact on her life. 

How great would it be if this service were available for our mental state?!? Who stretches your thinking? Who removes your one-size-fits-all mental attitude? Who makes sure that you move from knowing only one way to care for, respond to or relate to plants (or family, or work) to accepting various ways depending on the species, the people and the situation? How much happier would we all be if we allowed our mind to be stretched and flexible in tolerating and maybe even accepting varying points of view, decisions, methods and paths? So often we remain content within a safe space where others all think as we do. We cultivate only geraniums when there are Zinnias and Roses and fields of other possibilities, if only we are willing to be flexible and learn about them and what they need in order to not wither and wilt. 

Summer is a great time to let go of our rigidity and consider that there are different ways to encounter our world. Consider this a message from our Mental Flexologist: Your/My way is not the only way. Our point of view is not everyone's point of view. Our path is not everyone's path. Let's open our minds to being stretched and experiencing flexibility to see what others see, and maybe even try to understand why they see it that way. Our gardens will be a plethora of color and possibility, as our mental flexibility increases. 

Faith is sliding your foot into your slipper...

...knowing how much centipedes like small, dark places.

What is something you have complete faith in? The kind of faith that would make you stand steadfast even in a barrage of discontent or discord. 

Faith...true unwavering faith...is not borne from habit or experience. And this kind of faith is not easily found or held. It holds on even in the face of contradictory experiences and outcomes. It bounces back from setbacks and rebounds from regret.

As an educator or parent, did you ever stop to think how much faith you have in your world and surroundings? Your faith is immense! Your faith in the world...the people around you...the systems to which you contribute, is there and serving you even on the days you feel the most doubt. It is the children in your life who prove it. Let's take a look.

Questioning our faith in things is a natural side effect of human intellect. Basically, we question because we know too much. When I watch my dogs exude excitement each morning even before food is presented or poured, it is evident that they have faith that I will deliver their next meal. The busyness of squirrels in my yard indicates their faith that the abundance of the earth will provide for their needs as well as the needs of their new babies. We all have faith each morning that the sun will rise, so much so that we rarely, if ever consider its possible absence. Some might call these indicators of faith, taking things for granted. And while that might own a certain extent of truth, I like to think that it is our faith that allows us to take for granted that with which are endowed. How then, does this translate to education and our work with children?

For this conversation, we need to go back to the title of this post. That slipper...those gardening gloves that sat dormant all winter just inviting a spider to nest, even the shirt you plan to don this morning after reading this post...they all have the potential to be harborers of critters that will scare the bejeebers out of you. But you will slide your foot in each morning hardly contemplating the possible inhabitants, pull on those gardening gloves without considering nesting spiders, and duck your head into that shirt as you get ready for your day, assuming it is only you inside the material. Why? What gave you the faith to not peek into your slipper, shake out that shirt or dump those gloves?

You're probably expecting me to give you an answer to this litany of questions, but I honestly don't have answers today. I too blindly throw on these items without a care in the world. And I approach each day as though it will be amazing for me and those with whom I share it. Am I just naïve? Perhaps that is it. I really don't care much about the answer as to how I have such faith. I just enjoy the freedom that comes with believing in the good and positive path of this journey called life.

I will answer my first question, however. And I challenge you to do the same.

What is something you have complete faith in?

I have faith in my fellow human beings. I believe that each human being has the capacity for kindness and love. As I sit with some children who are challenged to absorb or exude kindness, I hold such love for them and the potential they contain, that my faith in them as human beings is unwavering. Is it the challenge that I like? Probably. I mean, one does not need to light a candle whose flame burns bright...but the one that has yet to be lit. But both candles have potential to bring light to our world, and the same can be said for all children. Perhaps children who have yet to find their happiness enough to be kind to others are that dark slipper. Just as I blindly slide my foot in, I optimistically insert myself in those dark places where children hide their vulnerability and soft spots. I wiggle around and test it out, waiting to see that once again, the slipper is safe, the children actually want to be loved, happy, joyful and kind. They just need someone with faith in their goodness to come along and test it out, despite the likelihood of refusal, rejection and shattered attempts looming in the dark spaces. 

Tribute and Advice to Substitute Teachers

Perhaps it's because I know we can't live without them, or maybe it's because my son has recently become one, but either way I feel the need to write a little tribute to substitute teachers. I mean, let's face it, they get a bad rap. In a culture where teachers are generally undervalued, substitutes come in as our replacements, and rarely is there much said in their honor.  This is a grave mistake on everyone's part!  These people come in cold, get their direction on paper that they are then asked to relay to a classroom full of students, put themselves at the mercy of little kids, preteens and teenagers who are empowered by the absence of their regular teacher. I don't know about you, but to me, substitute teaching is like being a waiter or waitress. Everyone should have to do it for at least 6 months at some point early in their lifetime. Once they did their shift, folks would never again feel emboldened to talk of those in the profession quite the same way. 

So, in honor of substitute teachers, and in an effort to help them do their job better so that all can benefit, I thought it would be fun and helpful to write up a little list to help anyone who braves the classroom as one of these interim teachers. I have found myself lately watching our subs and trying to help them where I can. There are some tools that I try to pass along to help them with their craft. Really, when they are confident and do their job well, everyone benefits! Here is my list...what can you add?

Dear Substitute/Interim Teachers: 

1. When you enter the room, please put your name on the board.  YOU MATTER!  Your name makes you relatable and just a little more familiar. Also, it is an acceptance symbol to have your name grace the walls. Chances are that the students have their names throughout the room, on notebooks, desks, bulletin boards, etc...for today, you are part of the family.  Own it! Make the space yours and let the students know who you are.

2. Even if you are soft spoken, use your "I am here!" voice. Then wait a little before trying again.  Chances are that if you are a surprise, the students will be a little wound up.  It's OK. Just go around and maybe ask individuals to give their attention, then use your "I am here!" voice again. They will get it.  They play school every day.

3. Remember, even the kid who might not be able to give you full attention or respect is loved by someone at home. These are people who matter...treat them with kindness and respect. I promise you, it will pay off. Show a genuine interest in them and in their presence at school today. Let them know you are not only here to dole out assignments, but to help them and share this beautiful day with them. 

4. Please be present to the people in the room! Once they get started, wander the room, weaving in and out of desks and groups. Talk to them. Stay off your phone! Try to do some of the work with them. Maybe read something together instead of having them all work alone. 

5. Leave notes about exceptional behavior for the teacher. If this teacher is one of the good ones, they will care to know the parts of your time with their students that stood out.  The misbehavior should be shared but so should the good behavior. Let them know what you enjoyed about your time with their students. Make them feel lucky to be back in the room and to have this school year with this particular group of human beings.

6. Reach out!  If you are struggling or just have a question, find a buddy. Really, try to get to school early and find a buddy before the day even begins! You don't have to feel alone. The building is full of people who do this job every day. They want you to succeed because they want kids to succeed. Ask your questions. Give compliments to others. This job is all about community and communication.

7. The getting in early is worth mentioning again. Isn't having a productive day worth fifteen minutes? Please don't walk in right at the last minute! Get to school at least ten to fifteen minutes before you are actually on the clock. This extra time will help you prepare for the day and will make all the difference in how the day and you coincide and work to be the best you can both be for the students in your class. 

You, Dear Substitute, have a difficult but imperative role in our schools. Don't let anyone undermine the job you are tasked to complete. We want you to be here. We need you to be here. We know it is hard work and you don't always get to feel appreciated by the students. We appreciate you!

Please leave comments that we can add to help the substitutes feel successful and joyful in their work! Perhaps we can compile our ideas into a list to be posted in the main office, substitute sign-in page or even given out to substitutes as they retrieve their badge at the beginning of each shift they offer to serve in our schools.

Day 1 and the Intense Stress of Intensity

I recently submitted my first lengthy paper toward my Masters Degree. An analysis of Amazon as an organization, the paper led me to read, digest and determine the efficacy and integrity of Amazon's mission statement and vision statement. In researching I found that one of the tenants of Amazonian (yes, they really refer to themselves that way) philosophy is the belief that every day is Day 1. Day 1 is code for never lose your drive for greatness. It is a reference to always, ALWAYS, giving more than 100% in order to stay hungry. In the minds of Amazon leadership, Day 2 is the first day of mediocrity, and so the company must never move off of Day 1.

Think about Day 1: 

Day 1 of a baby entering your family - intense

Day 1 of pandemic related rules and regulations - surreal

Day 1 of a marriage - exciting

Day 1 of a divorce - mind numbing

Day 1 of a new position - energizing

Day 1 of a new house - overwhelming

Day 1 of continued life after the death of a loved one - devastating

Day 1 is unbearable, scary, mindboggling.

Day 1 is not something you would want to do everyday. Your body would not be able to handle it. The stress of Day 1 would be dangerously intense if it were to be sustained and repeated without rest. And that is what I found when I researched Amazon employees. High blood pressure, feelings of depression and an overwhelming sense of never being good enough. Those conditions are not sustainable.

Well guess what, teachers and parents...

This school year shall henceforth be known as "The Year of Day Ones". I have lost count of how many Sunday nights I have been restless with stress and angst over the next morning being the first. The first day back remotely. The first day back with hybrid. The first day back after a break, so its all remote again. The first day for my children. The first day for Cohort A. The first day for Cohort B. The first day of combining cohorts. Day 1. Day 1. Day 1. Over and over again. This level of Day-1-ness is not natural. It is not healthy. It is taking its toll on teachers and parents and students. We were not meant to maintain a high level of consistent stress. We are creatures of habit. We thrive on the known and routine. We need days 2 through 180. We need to create the middle days of habit and routine for ourselves and our students. At this point, this is quite literally a matter of self-care and social-emotional maintenance. 

Wear those comfy clothes. Chit chat with your students.

Put your hair up. Sport the sneakers.

Sit in a room full of students and just look at them for a moment of joy, and smile. 

Create the comfort of having survived Day 1 and settling in to just being. I suppose I am channeling my inner-hippie that so many folks see in me, but it has to be said...if in this series of Day 1's you can't find peace then create it.

SOMEONE HOLD ME BACK!!! STANDARDIZED TESTING? REALLY???!!!

OK, so I am not a curser by nature. In fact, those closest to me make fun of me and relish in the moment I get so wound up that something less-than-polite slips out.  But OH MY LORD!!!!  Who the hell are these people????   Did you see this?

Education Secretary Cardona stands firm on standardized testing mandate amid criticism

Oh yes...the Washington Post...and if this was their headline, I can only imagine the headlines in the more conservative publications. We got rid of one to welcome another bureaucratic fool who has no clue what our children are enduring.

Please help me to understand. Everything I read says that he cares deeply about our children, especially those in low economic circumstances. After being selected by Biden, he was welcomed and approved by senators on both sides of the political aisle. So I see this as a good sign. But then I have to think, what the royal !$%#&???  Sorry, did I just (not really) say that? I know I didn't, haha! But that is really what my mind is thinking.

What the #@!$ is someone thinking if they even remotely consider exposing our children to standardized testing in the midst of a pandemic?  Really? What??????  Please tell me.  Because here is what I see....

My daughter Rebecca, will be trying out for Lacrosse as a sophomore without ever having any experience playing the game.  Know why? Do I really need to tell you? BECAUSE WE ARE IN THE MIDST OF A PANDEMIC!!!  Yep, they never had a season last year. And so as a 2nd year high schooler, she will be trying out and playing as a first year athlete. Because as a freshman, she was sidetracked and focused on figuring out how to live through a pandemic.

A colleague of mine is enjoying her first year of teaching. In conversation it becomes apparent that she realizes that this first year is not really a first year at all...in fact she knows that it does not compute in the grand scheme of teaching. She has never seen a full class in person. She has never witnessed the cafeteria nonsense at lunchtime (that just made me tear up with a sense of loss), she has never been to a full faculty meeting sharing the collective exhaustion after enduring a full day of teaching. She has missed out on so much of the typical teaching experience in her first year. Know why? Do I really need to tell you? Apparently I do because our US Senators don't seem to know it...WE ARE IN THE MIDST OF A PANDEMIC!!!

My daughter Anna, a senior, will not have a typical prom, graduation ceremony or yearbook adorned with pictures of friends hanging with each other at schoolwide events.  She is silently and gracefully mourning the loss of what she thought life would look like in her last year of this chapter called school. Inside she and her classmates are wondering what the heck just happened, as are the rest of us, or at least those of us paying attention. Know why? Do I really need to tell you again? Probably not because you have a #@#!# clue! WE ARE IN THE MIDST OF A PANDEMIC!!!

So what is it about these folks in government that has helped them to avoid the pitfalls of living in the midst of a pandemic that the rest of us reading this have managed to survive? How the hell have they managed to avoid knowing that putting kids into standardized testing will be detrimental to every child???

Oh wait, Cordona, you need your statistics? Oh, I'm so sorry! Let me please vandalize and sacrifice the well-being of my children and my students so that their standardized test results, where they all are made out to be failures, can prove what we already know. Please, use my children to fund your next endeavor. I think they should all be made to suffer through the stupid #$@! tests that will do nothing more than illustrate to them, and their teachers who love them dearly and are trying to do everything to keep it all afloat, how much they have not been able to learn academic standards of math and reading and science IN THE MIDST OF A PANDEMIC.

Just disgusting. I am sorry for those of  you who come here to be built up. Please accept my sincerest apologies. I have nothing positive to say today. This just sucks. 

***** I stepped away from the keyboard for a moment and well, I guess not having anything positive to say is not possible for me. How could it be if I am here with you??  Here is the positive. If there is any group of people who can get through this, it us...educators. Let us collectively prove again to Cordona and all those with the luxury of being clueless fools that we've got this. Our students will be whole. They will know we love them. They will get through this. Not because of politics and policies and all the government bullshit. Nope. They will persevere because we believe in them and will, as we have done all pandemic-year long, get them through this next tough time. Thank you, Cordona, for the opportunity to prove once again, that we love our students and can do anything put in our path to demonstrate to them that we believe in all that they can achieve.