All of a Sudden, It's Over: Give Yourself Grace

School years end abruptly. Count down or not. You can be planful and have therefore been anticipating the coming of the end since the beginning of the final marking period, or you might be spontaneous, riding by the proverbial seat of your pants, marking papers up until grades are due at noon on the last day. It doesn't matter. The fact is, one day you are still expected to be 100% on stage in school and the next day, you're not. There you are, nothing to do, no one to answer to, no emails to read, lessons to plan or parents to call. Some may find this to be a dream come true and have the ability to jump immediately into vacation mode. I admire those folks and their ability to go with the flow so easily. But for those like me, the first few days of summer break, are a bit sad, draining even, and an inescapable yearly eventuality to be endured.

Please don't misunderstand. Last week I wrote about how teachers deserve the summer months, actually even need them in order to be our best for those we intend to teach. And I meant it. I want us to have the recharging months of summer so that we can rest and find peace that is not available during the school year. But this suddenness, this immediate emptiness, is hard for my heart to handle. No matter how many times I encounter it, there seems to be no way for me to fully enjoy the ending of a school year. And so, it is time for me to give myself grace. Here is my list of "It's Ok's". I wonder what you would add.

It's OK to be sad. I just spent 180 or more days with children that I pledged to treat as my own. I loved them so that I could teach them. I spent time getting to know their parents during easy times so that we could work together during challenges. I learned about each child; what they prefer when it comes to teaching styles, and what helps them to have a good day. While weekends were a nice break, I always looked forward to Monday morning and a new chance to make them smile, help them grow, and watch them reach milestones as they displayed their status as works-in-progress. And now, it's over. I will miss them. I will miss knowing I can help them have a good day. I will miss them helping me have one as well. I am sad. And that is OK.

It's OK to feel less important. For the past ten months, Monday through Friday, I was messaged through emails, and texts, and our district school-to-home communication system about everything from "high importance "!" items to mundane drib drab. I was greeted daily by many emails making me aware of what I needed to know. Some required a rushed response in the short time before children arrived. Some needed to be filed for full attention later. All made me feel that I was part of something bigger, something important, something that needed me. A friend of mine just celebrated the decrease in the number of texts and emails received daily as one of the best parts of summer. I will agree...in a few days. But right now, the loss makes me feel less important. And that is OK.

It's OK to feel uncertain in the abyss of unstructured time. Living from bell-to-bell might irritate us as educators, but it is a way of life that does not require us to think about what we are going to do. 9:03: I'll start teaching period 2. 10:28: I can use the bathroom. 11:54: Lunch for me. and so on. It's all planned out and I need to follow the schedule, whether or not I want to, and regardless of whether or not I have other things I'd like to do. And again, while I may pine for the luxury to make a phone call during the day in the midst of the school year, this sudden allotment of unstructured time is unnerving. When I wake up these first few days of summer without the need to be at school, I wallow in nothingness, unsure of what to do first. I feel wasteful, and useless; uncertain that I will know how to best use the time. And that is OK. 

It's all OK.  This school year ended...just like the other 50 or so school years I have lived through...abruptly. I may feel sad, less important, uncertain, and any other number of ways, but it is all OK. I will give myself grace to feel it all. I will live it, be mindful of it, embrace it and work through it. Will I feel loss all summer long? Most likely, no. Possibly, if I were to continue to look back. But I know that won't last long. I will be mindful of the present moment and enjoy it. And then at some point, I will start to look forward. I will become excited for the possibilities ahead, and prepare myself to say goodbye to the nothingness, peacefulness and not-being-needed-ness of summer. Because just as abruptly as summer came, a new year will be upon us, and we will need to give ourselves grace again.

Summer Break: Don't be Ashamed to Defend Why We Need It!

Summer Break...the sound of those two words together evokes so many memories, feelings and opinions. Personally, I have never known a life where summer didn't disrupt the natural flow of the school year. As a child, summer for me was an abyss, sometimes welcome, other times frighteningly endless. Then came college when summer months allowed for fruitful employment to gain as much income as possible before the start of classes in the Fall. I fell directly into a teaching position upon my college graduation, spending my last "non-adult" summer as a travel-camp counselor and bus driver. I spent that summer heading up and down the east coast of the States before I was mature enough to let the incredible responsibility of keeping teen campers alive get in the way of my having fun. Then, in Fall of 1993 I began my first full-time teaching position, and adopted the routine of school year-summer break-school year-summer break, as a way of life for myself. 

And so, here I am, here WE are, on the precipice of another summer break, and I find myself compelled to help others who are not in teaching to understand that the word "break" is used simply to imply a disruption to the routine, and not as a synonym for "vacation" or to imply an inactive, placid, complacent time. In fact, it's quite the opposite! 

These weeks of summer are not a respite from something undesired. WE CHOOSE TEACHING! 

These weeks of summer are not a time of nothingness. WE ARE REGENERATING! 

These weeks of summer are not time off. WE ARE A BREED THAT IS ALWAYS PLANNING!

These weeks of summer are necessary after a marathon of planning, showing up, being present in the moment, being available for students and families, and being vulnerable to daily scrutiny and judgement. They are a reset, a renewal, a reflective time of mental and emotional replenishing, for students, their families, and educators.

With this in mind, I have decided to take this summer to reacquaint myself with my passions, many of which have been pushed to the side to make time for other equally important endeavors. The reason I am telling you this is because YOU, my blog-reading audience, are one of those passions I have neglected over the past few years. And so, as I at one time made it a point to do, I am publicly stating that I will write to you weekly over the summer break, highlighting and contemplating issues and challenges of the educator, the student, the parent, the guardian and the family.

Please, as you plan how you will spend your summer break, consider making it a point to check in here with me, or to set up an email delivery of my posts, so that we can renew and revive ourselves together. Happy Summer Break!!!  You not only deserve it, you need it! Peace!