To be honest, I don't even remember the incident all that well, but my children do. It was the day they learned from me that there is a time and a place for humor. They didn't learn because of anything I said or any lesson I decided to teach them. This incident perfectly illustrates how much of our parenting happens, the good and the bad, without our deliberate action.
It had been a particularly difficult day, Easter Day on which we had guests who had joined us for dinner. It also happened to be April Fools day, a day during which I do not generally participate in the antics. To top it off, the way our school calendar was set up, we would return to the classroom the next day, and so the stresses were getting to me. After sharing dinner and wishing our guests a good evening, I was ready to clean up and haul my tired butt off to bed.
If the kids were here to tell the story, they would pause here for effect, pointing out that from this point forward, it was as if everything moved in slow motion.
I reached for the sponge and a crusty baking pan, then turned on the tap before they could react. They were frozen, not knowing whether to call out or run for the hills when the faucet spout that was covered with tape to surprise a sibling, instead began spraying me and my exhausted self. I was numb. I just walked away crying. There was nothing more I could do. I felt terrible because the kids were silent, except for the small, meek, "I'm sorry, mom." I ended up apologizing to the kids for breaking down, even though it was not done intentionally or to cause them discomfort. But the fact remains that in the end, without any words of correction, the lesson they learned was a valuable one of taking care of those we love, being aware of what others are experiencing, and of course, the timing of the yuk.
Being in tune with what others are experiencing before acting or opening our mouths has become not only more important these days, but also a bit easier in some ways. We are all experiencing an incredibly stressful and anxiety producing state of the world. Even those who believe COVID is a hoax and racism is non-existent are caught in the midst of a time when the big picture lacks serenity and peace. Although we all are in the throes of the same experience, the myriad of perceptions makes it challenging to believe "We Are All In This Together". I believe at times such as these, it is all the more important to step back. Look around. Are you taping the spout? Have you considered the consequences of that action? How about the consequences of your words? Is it possible that the best thing you can do right now is to stop needing to go for the laugh, the change of opinion, the need to be right?
That incident was a little over two years ago, but the kids still talk about it. They learned from it, and from watching me melt down. It was legendary. It was memorable. It was a family moment. To some of them, at the time it was downright scary. Fast forward to today. Four of my five children are now in their teens, and one thing is still certain. There are days when the tape on the faucet is funny, and days when it can put someone right over the edge. We cannot control when things will happen, and we cannot control how others will react, but what we can do, is step back, look at the big picture and consider the feelings of others and the consequences of what we are about to do.
