My most recent post was made on Memorial Day...perhaps that was the last time I felt that my mind could wrap itself around a topic without wincing and feeling irreconcilably inadequate. While I have voiced to many people why I have taken a leave from posting, I feel it would be most responsible of me to let you, the folks who tend to enjoy my musings, know where I've been and why. Let's see if I can put words to the reasons in such a way that help me to more easily make my way back to the keyboard that I've so tremendously missed! But, like a child cautiously dipping his toe to test the waters, I fear the consequences of any path I take in this tenuous environment.
The brokenness of our society and world is heartbreaking. That is not news to anyone choosing to live and breathe. Even my children, young as they are in the scheme of things, can understand that living in community on this planet can be challenging on a good day and downright petrifying on another type of day. We have much work to do...this is not novel information. And although many might not like to hear it, much of the work needs to be done on each of our individual hearts in order to foster the wisdom and courage to go out into the world and create the change that is necessary for humanity to be human again.
And therein lies my absence. While I feel completely unable to voice anything worthwhile or new in this culture of commentary-oversaturation, I also feel that to write about frivolities in the form of, for example, metaphors between my dog and life, is to diminish the enormity of our world's present state of turmoil. I mean, does it really matter that I write about how I cried at the end of our school year when people are feeling hatred and loathing for and from others on a daily basis? I really don't know.
And so, where does this leave me and my writing? I am not sure. I am here, so that is a step. I cannot allow a full month to go by before sharing new writing, so that is telling. I've a long list of frivolity that is waiting for words and is sure to bring smiles. I've a longer list of deep-rooted messages that I've been told need to be shared. And I've fear of penning either route.
With all of that out on the table, I will move past my fear and insecurity to come back to the keyboard. I welcome any and all points of view to be voiced back to me...even if mostly through personal emails and messages. Anyone who knows me well, knows that it is never my intention to be anything but kind. A good friend, without realizing it, gave me the boost I needed when he said, "I'd never call you a jerk." Ha! It's the little things...but with my reputation for kindness preceding me, I will move forward. Thank you to those who have reached out to see where I have been. (My favorite message: "Long time no read.") Thank you for living this life with me. Thank you for reading and thank you for being. Not sure what the next words will be, but whatever path is chosen, it's a comfort to know we will be hashing it out together. See you in a few days!
