All of a Sudden, It's Over: Give Yourself Grace

School years end abruptly. Count down or not. You can be planful and have therefore been anticipating the coming of the end since the beginning of the final marking period, or you might be spontaneous, riding by the proverbial seat of your pants, marking papers up until grades are due at noon on the last day. It doesn't matter. The fact is, one day you are still expected to be 100% on stage in school and the next day, you're not. There you are, nothing to do, no one to answer to, no emails to read, lessons to plan or parents to call. Some may find this to be a dream come true and have the ability to jump immediately into vacation mode. I admire those folks and their ability to go with the flow so easily. But for those like me, the first few days of summer break, are a bit sad, draining even, and an inescapable yearly eventuality to be endured.

Please don't misunderstand. Last week I wrote about how teachers deserve the summer months, actually even need them in order to be our best for those we intend to teach. And I meant it. I want us to have the recharging months of summer so that we can rest and find peace that is not available during the school year. But this suddenness, this immediate emptiness, is hard for my heart to handle. No matter how many times I encounter it, there seems to be no way for me to fully enjoy the ending of a school year. And so, it is time for me to give myself grace. Here is my list of "It's Ok's". I wonder what you would add.

It's OK to be sad. I just spent 180 or more days with children that I pledged to treat as my own. I loved them so that I could teach them. I spent time getting to know their parents during easy times so that we could work together during challenges. I learned about each child; what they prefer when it comes to teaching styles, and what helps them to have a good day. While weekends were a nice break, I always looked forward to Monday morning and a new chance to make them smile, help them grow, and watch them reach milestones as they displayed their status as works-in-progress. And now, it's over. I will miss them. I will miss knowing I can help them have a good day. I will miss them helping me have one as well. I am sad. And that is OK.

It's OK to feel less important. For the past ten months, Monday through Friday, I was messaged through emails, and texts, and our district school-to-home communication system about everything from "high importance "!" items to mundane drib drab. I was greeted daily by many emails making me aware of what I needed to know. Some required a rushed response in the short time before children arrived. Some needed to be filed for full attention later. All made me feel that I was part of something bigger, something important, something that needed me. A friend of mine just celebrated the decrease in the number of texts and emails received daily as one of the best parts of summer. I will agree...in a few days. But right now, the loss makes me feel less important. And that is OK.

It's OK to feel uncertain in the abyss of unstructured time. Living from bell-to-bell might irritate us as educators, but it is a way of life that does not require us to think about what we are going to do. 9:03: I'll start teaching period 2. 10:28: I can use the bathroom. 11:54: Lunch for me. and so on. It's all planned out and I need to follow the schedule, whether or not I want to, and regardless of whether or not I have other things I'd like to do. And again, while I may pine for the luxury to make a phone call during the day in the midst of the school year, this sudden allotment of unstructured time is unnerving. When I wake up these first few days of summer without the need to be at school, I wallow in nothingness, unsure of what to do first. I feel wasteful, and useless; uncertain that I will know how to best use the time. And that is OK. 

It's all OK.  This school year ended...just like the other 50 or so school years I have lived through...abruptly. I may feel sad, less important, uncertain, and any other number of ways, but it is all OK. I will give myself grace to feel it all. I will live it, be mindful of it, embrace it and work through it. Will I feel loss all summer long? Most likely, no. Possibly, if I were to continue to look back. But I know that won't last long. I will be mindful of the present moment and enjoy it. And then at some point, I will start to look forward. I will become excited for the possibilities ahead, and prepare myself to say goodbye to the nothingness, peacefulness and not-being-needed-ness of summer. Because just as abruptly as summer came, a new year will be upon us, and we will need to give ourselves grace again.

Summer Break: Don't be Ashamed to Defend Why We Need It!

Summer Break...the sound of those two words together evokes so many memories, feelings and opinions. Personally, I have never known a life where summer didn't disrupt the natural flow of the school year. As a child, summer for me was an abyss, sometimes welcome, other times frighteningly endless. Then came college when summer months allowed for fruitful employment to gain as much income as possible before the start of classes in the Fall. I fell directly into a teaching position upon my college graduation, spending my last "non-adult" summer as a travel-camp counselor and bus driver. I spent that summer heading up and down the east coast of the States before I was mature enough to let the incredible responsibility of keeping teen campers alive get in the way of my having fun. Then, in Fall of 1993 I began my first full-time teaching position, and adopted the routine of school year-summer break-school year-summer break, as a way of life for myself. 

And so, here I am, here WE are, on the precipice of another summer break, and I find myself compelled to help others who are not in teaching to understand that the word "break" is used simply to imply a disruption to the routine, and not as a synonym for "vacation" or to imply an inactive, placid, complacent time. In fact, it's quite the opposite! 

These weeks of summer are not a respite from something undesired. WE CHOOSE TEACHING! 

These weeks of summer are not a time of nothingness. WE ARE REGENERATING! 

These weeks of summer are not time off. WE ARE A BREED THAT IS ALWAYS PLANNING!

These weeks of summer are necessary after a marathon of planning, showing up, being present in the moment, being available for students and families, and being vulnerable to daily scrutiny and judgement. They are a reset, a renewal, a reflective time of mental and emotional replenishing, for students, their families, and educators.

With this in mind, I have decided to take this summer to reacquaint myself with my passions, many of which have been pushed to the side to make time for other equally important endeavors. The reason I am telling you this is because YOU, my blog-reading audience, are one of those passions I have neglected over the past few years. And so, as I at one time made it a point to do, I am publicly stating that I will write to you weekly over the summer break, highlighting and contemplating issues and challenges of the educator, the student, the parent, the guardian and the family.

Please, as you plan how you will spend your summer break, consider making it a point to check in here with me, or to set up an email delivery of my posts, so that we can renew and revive ourselves together. Happy Summer Break!!!  You not only deserve it, you need it! Peace! 

Thank You for All You Do!!!

If you know me, you know I believe that each of us on earth has a purpose that is in some way related to serving our family members, neighbors, and fellow earthy inhabitors. Sometimes when I think about it, it seems ridiculous, even to me. I mean, there are so many people!  And each one has a purpose?  But, of course, it is true. And for each time you answer your call to serve, I want to say, "Thank You!" (I hope this video will play for you.)

Today I was honored to witness a group of musicians serving others by sharing their incredible talents. The members of the Lambertville Brass Band performed a concert at a nursing home/senior center for an audience comprised mostly of the elderly and their caregivers. As the mother of a trombonist, this type of venue wasn't new, and so I sat there enjoying the moment with the audience. As the songs ticked by I began to ponder the service these musicians were performing on a beautiful Sunday afternoon when they could have been anywhere. They were here. That seemed extraordinary, even as it was the norm for this group. Then something happened that was neither overly amazing or earth-shattering, but it was transformative just the same. The band played a conglomeration of older tunes, and when the song, "Daisy, Daisy" came on, the audience, jolted into the moment by memories, began to sing along. It was beautiful!  It was touching! It was so amazing in fact, that just after the chorus ended and the band began playing the next tune in the combined piece, the conductor gave the signal to stop. The music came to a halt and he turned to the audience and clapped for them, elderly men and women, mostly in wheelchairs, all of them unaware of how much they had just served the conductor and his band. The conductor proclaimed, "That was so beautiful, I want to hear it again!" He promptly led the band in repeating that part of their music so that the audience could sing along, louder this time, feeling every note and enjoying the trip to memories of happy times. 

Who was serving whom? That beautiful moment was possible because those folks in the Lambertville Brass Band were willing to serve. This all-volunteer band, full of amazingly talented individuals, affected people today and brought joy to the hearts and souls of a room full of amazing human beings. Could they have been anywhere else? Yep. But they weren't. They were available to serve their elders and those who care for them, and in the end, I think they may have been the ones served when their music touched hearts and created a combined effort of happiness. 

We are all called to serve. The way we are called and the audience we are led to is different, not only for each of us, but also in varying ways at different stages of our lives. How are you called to serve today? What talent do you possess that you share with the world? Better yet, how can your family or your classroom full of students serve others? In Connections Across the Student Desk, I challenge the reader to find a way to share their unique gifts that fits "naturally" with their groove. I go on to point out that I used "naturally", not "comfortably" on purpose. 

When we serve others, we need to do so in a way that fits into our way of living. For example, I am the first to say that my family will never be in a position to volunteer financial service.  It is not a natural way for us to serve because we rarely have extra money to donate to others. Luckily, financial service comes naturally to others, so my family can instead donate our time and love of children, music, coaching, whatever. This doesn't mean that we are always comfortable in our service. Service can be challenging, and that is OK. It is a stretching of our comfort and a strain on what we would be doing if we weren't serving. I would bet that any one of those musicians today would have loved to have had that time in their gardens, watching a ball game, hanging out with friends, etc...but they were instead sharing their natural talents, and in turn, their joy, with those in attendance. That is a gift!  That is service! That is what we are all called to find our way to do. 

Need ideas or more encouragement? Check out Connections Across the Student Desk, available on:

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Thank you for reading!

Usain Bolt and the Lens of Ability

This quote, which hangs on the doors of our public library, came to mind in light of a recent conversation I had with a close friend. Our conversation was not about reading at all, but about being "able".  It stemmed from the linguistic understanding of disability as the opposite of ability and our shared agreement that there is a tremendous difference between having a disability vs. inability; and the difference between having an ability and being able. 

Why does it matter? I wasn't sure it did, until I started seriously pondering. That is when I realized I needed to share my thoughts with you. As per my nature, I like the lens of optimism and positivity. So, I started to think about some of my favorite people who are said to have "disabilities", and how I like to look at them from a different angle, the angle of abilities. Think about it. What if we were all seen from the lens of what we CANNOT do? 

An example: I love to run, that's no secret. But, put me up against Usain Bolt and my running "disability" will be highlighted tremendously. I can run, just not as fast as Usain. He's incredible on the track! But what if he were asked to do something that he's not great at? For this argument, let's say playing violin. If judged in that regard, his disability would be noticeable. When people are considered great at something, we don't tend to define them by what they cannot do. We define them by their ability; what they CAN do. You and I, most of us, are defined by what we CAN do. What we can't do, such as run at 27.78 miles per hour, does not usually factor in. 

Still, so often we do get stuck in what we can't do. We define others through this lens as well. What a defeating way to view our world! What would happen if we all adopted an ability mindset instead? When is the last time you took inventory of what you are able to do? What are your abilities? Go ahead, write down at least ten. I'll wait....

Now, when did you last appreciate those abilities of yours? Do you always act on them? I mean, on my list of ten abilities, I wrote that I think I can write in a way that helps others. Then I realized that I had not been on here consistently writing for others in quite some time. I have the ability, but I wasn't making the time to be able. What more am I capable of doing that I neglect to prioritize or even worse, deliberately stifle? 

A final thought: In my opening paragraph I noted that the initial discussion which led to this post centered around the fact that, "there is a tremendous difference between having an ability and being able." This brings me to the other piece that is haunting me in all of this. Consider Usain Bolt again. Someone found him and guided him to improve his ability. His story goes that he was playing soccer, and it was suggested that he consider sprinting. Watching Usain Bolt share his ability is like watching an incredible artform magically take shape. What if no one paid attention to notice the gift he had to share with the world? What if he wasn't able to be seen for any of the various reasons some of our students remain invisible? Poverty, housing insecurity, language barriers, academic struggles, etc...

How many kids are out there not being noticed for their abilities? Those abilities, if left untapped, will just disappear. Each child, each person we encounter has unique abilities. As parents and teachers let's find the abilities held by each child and student and exploit those abilities, guide them, and build them up. Let's pay special attention to those students who might hold an ability, but not the means to be able to perfect it on their own. Strive to be the means by which those you love are able to share their abilities with the world!

If you like what you read, please share my post and consider reading more of my thoughts and ideas in Connections Across the Student Desk, available on Amazon. Here is the link: Connections Across the Student Desk

For more work from amazing authors, podcasters and human beings, visit the X-Factor EDU Community.  Here is that link: X-Factor EDU

*(Quote from 1914, though often attributed to Mark Twain in 1945, the original author is not certified.)

Pam, Pennies and Purpose

I am a strong believer in the power of purpose. Feeling we have purpose brings a sense of value and belonging to everything we do. Purpose helps us to know we are where we are meant to be and opens our hearts to fully sharing ourselves with those around us. Our culture has decided that certain traits and characteristics hold value, and therefore provide purpose, while others do not. If our culture consistently got this right, this wouldn't be a problem. But instead, our culture gets pieces of this horribly wrong, and some of our children and adults suffer from a lack of feeling purposeful and valued because of that.

Think for a moment...if our culture were to put price tags on various traits, which traits would hold the heftiest tickets? I don't plan to answer this for you, but I will put a few traits on the docket to get you started, and I will suggest using price tags ranging from $10 to $1,000 to help you with your ranking. Remember, this is society's perception. It might be fun to make a separate ranking of your own perceptions of these traits as well.

☑ attitude

☑ age

☑ honesty

☑ athleticism

☑ appearance

☑ integrity

☑ monetary wealth

It would be difficult to find people that agree in their societal monetary determinations of the traits listed above. The answers and possibilities are determined by our perceptions and are as varied as the readers of this post. That's OK. Agreement is not the point. Societal value of personal characteristics is subjective and situational. (Just ask any comedian who now gets paid to do exactly what caused them to repeatedly get into trouble in grade school.) This is why it is so important that we, as the adults in the lives of children, help the children we love to find, see, understand, accept and internalize their personal purpose and value. 

As is my way, my mind goes to the ordinary and mundane to make a point. Let's take a look at cooking spray and the penny. 

Cooking Spray:  When my children were small and we would visit our friends, my children enjoyed the huge (to them at the time) hill that sloped up and away from the back of the house. That hill was used for running, rolling, and generally expending energy. One of their favorite activities on that hill was to slide down the hill in the Bilibo. The Bilibo was basically a bowl that was large enough for a child to sit in. The Bilibo was fun, sliding down the hill in the Bilibo was fun, but nothing beat when our friend would take out the aerosol can of cooking spray to coat the bottom of the vessel to bring it to warp speed! A little spritz of cooking spray and my children were flying down that hill with giggles increased exponentially. Our friend took a common everyday household staple and changed its purpose to create incredible fun. 

• 
  Item purpose is not one-dimensional. Neither is yours! In every situation your purpose will be defined and redefined by you and those around you. It feels terrible when you haven't yet found your purpose, and so your perception of your worth and value decreases. BUT, you don't know the perceptions of others!  And maybe, just maybe, you are fulfilling a purpose that goes beyond your awareness. Take a moment to consider the places in your life where you feel the least amount of connection to your purpose. Once you get that thought, now think like my friend, and look beyond the obvious. You may be fulfilling a purpose beyond your imagination!

A Pile of Pennies: My sister went to Tahiti for her honeymoon and left her parakeet with me for safekeeping. During its three-week stint in my dorm room at Trenton State College, that bird proved it was cut out for college life by being up all night. A few days in, my roommate and I gathered pennies to have near our beds. When the bird would wake us up with its chirping, a swift fling of a penny dinging the cage bars would quiet it for some time before it would begin again. This alternative to going outside and opening the cage door was a relationship saver. A simple pile of pennies, the very coin whose purpose is in question, served to stop the bird's chirping and keep our sanity. 

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  Sometimes purpose is subtle like that. Sometimes we are called just to be present to alleviate something that would otherwise cause tension, unhappiness or strife. We are that sharp "ding" of the bars that jolts someone back into kindness or compassion or much needed silence in a situation that would be fueled by verbalized adversity. We feel we are doing nothing and offering no purpose when in fact, we are the reason everyone is at peace.

Every human being holds value and worth beyond our understanding or any societal ranking. We may never know the purposes we hold beyond our own perceptions and awarenesses. Knowing that we hold purpose and value beyond our understanding insists that we have self-love and a faith that we are meant to be. Society does not assign your purpose, value or worth. Your very existence does!  You are meant to be! The children you love are meant to be! Don't let a day go by without remembering that and reminding others.

If you like what you read, please share my post and consider reading more of my thoughts and ideas in Connections Across the Student Desk, available on Amazon. Here is the link: Connections Across the Student Desk

For more work from amazing authors, podcasters and human beings, visit the X-Factor EDU Community.  Here is that link: X-Factor EDU