If you scroll through social media, you will encounter various general affirmations intended to help people feel good about themselves. "You're Doing Great!", "You Are Enough!", "You've survived 100% of your difficult days." etc...Do these blanket affirmations work for you? Or do you need something more intimate? A co-worker telling you that your time and effort made completion of a project possible. Your spouse thanking you for all the work you do to keep the family running smoothly. Your parent finally acknowledges that you are a successful adult. Specific affirming words from those we love carry more meaning and let us feel seen, appreciated and valuable.
Let's take a look at affirmations in the classroom and our goals when delivering them. What do children need from the adults in their lives in the way of verbal affirmations? Is our goal with students and children to simply let them know, "You are Enough"? While this statement affirms someone in the moment to know they are accepted, I would posit that our intention as parents and teachers must be so much more! Yes, students need to know they are loved and fully accepted for the human being that stands before us; that they are fully loved for all that they bring to the table and completely accepted. They belong and they matter.
But there it is, that final word, "Matter". That word needs to drive our intentionality of language. Because if you "matter", then you'd better be open to personal growth and improvement. Therefore, my mere approval of you doesn't matter. You need so much more! You need to know that your growth, your ability to own your effort, and your desire to make constant improvements, is imperative. You need to be able to listen to the feedback and use it to affect improvements, not because you are not enough, but because you believe you can be so much more! You matter! Your growth and improvement matter. Your confidence in yourself matters. Your growth toward your true potential is not dependent on the words or ideas of anyone else but YOU!
How do we guide students to this level of self-awareness, self-efficacy and growth? By choosing our words carefully. By crafting our verbiage to support students while challenging them to fully know themselves and take personal ownership of their outcomes and the achievement of their goals.
--- Sometimes this means we must talk less: "I like how you're sitting and setting an example for the class," becomes: "You're sitting ready to learn."
--- Sometimes this means we must talk more: "I'm proud of you for finishing your work." becomes: "You worked hard to finish that. That last one was challenging. How does that feel?"
--- But always, it's about taking ourselves out of the verbiage so that the words speak solely of and to the child: "You read the directions carefully and reached the goal you set.", "You are showing self-control and demonstrating focus.", "You learned from your mistake and made changes that lead to the results you wanted."
As I write this, I find it ironic that I spent so much time in my personal relationships with a partner or my children, learning to make "I" statements instead of "You" statements. But doesn't it really make sense after all? I was learning to own my feelings, my actions, and not to lead with blame or finger-pointing. But here we are...we want to point the finger at our students to help them own their learning and growth! We want them to feel empowered to drive their own personal growth and learning; to do all of this regardless of who is around to praise them, notice them, or elevate them.
"You Are Enough"
Oh yes, you are...but there is so much more you will achieve if you just believe in your potential, set goals for yourself, and never stop growing. You will work to get this right! Your words matter and shape the future of children!
Enjoy reading what I write? Copies of my book, Connections Across the Student Desk, are available on Amazon: LINK HERE or Barnes and Noble: LINK HERE
Wish I could come speak to your staff and colleagues? Give me the topic, I'll make it come alive! Contact me! maccaronicrew@outlook.com
