What Do You Hope They Will Say About You? ...not waiting for a eulogy

Perhaps it's the excitement of having gone into work for the first time since March. Or perhaps it's having spent the day around people that I absolutely admire and love. Regardless, I couldn't wait for the chance to sit at this keyboard and write to you. I suspect there is a moment in every writer's life where it becomes commonplace for acquaintances to say something along the lines of, "You're not going to put this in your blog (book), are you?"  haha!  I always assure them that no...I will not. And I mean it sincerely. So here I am, not writing about any one of you beautiful people that I got to see today, and yet lovingly and genuinely writing about each and every one of you.

We are going to start this thing with the end in mind. A while ago I recall hearing someone suggest starting the school year with our mind considering that which we hope our students, parents, co-workers and administrators will be saying about us upon the end of the academic year.  So let's do that now, with this new beginning that is not really a beginning at all. I mean really, we have been working our butts off for half a school year already, but in my district, as we are starting a new phase, it has all the feels of a new beginning, a new chapter, if you will. 

*** This is important: We must keep in mind that even with all this newness, the title of the book we are writing together is still, "We Are Living Through a Pandemic" Catchy? Not at all. Accurate? Hell yes! And something we need to keep in the forefront of our minds as we try to meld ourselves into a school community in this new chapter called, "Let's Give Hybrid a Try".***

And so, let's think about this. What do you hope people say about you at the end of this chapter and this school year?  Here are some ideas for you to consider, with my not-so-subtle opinions marked next to each. 

✅She made me feel like we were connected even though we were six feet apart.

❌She taught me facts about fill in the blank with standards and curriculum.

✅She smiled at me so big just for showing up, that even her eyes smiled and danced.

❌She marked me late when I had a hard time getting to school in the morning.

✅I know she was scared too, but she made me feel safe.

✅She talked about her kids and quelling their fears, and that made me feel like she understood me.

✅She called my parents to tell them what I was doing well.

❌She gave me homework on top of all the other stresses I was carrying.

✅She showed and taught me life skills for living through a pandemic and beyond.

✅I'll never forget how she made me feel.

✅She helped other kids understand and accept me, just because she did that so easily.

❌She took attendance on time.

❌She knew how to use the smartboard with Zoom.

✅She had fun at school and that made me have fun too.

✅She made me laugh every day.

✅She must have had so much on her mind, but I saw her stop to care about other teachers and staff.

✅Her heart was on fire for others. I was lucky to be her student.

Lofty goals? You bet! And so, time to get to work on me, making sure I am healthy and happy and ready to be all that my students need me to be. We were made for this, you and me. What will be on your list in June?

One Thing Is Certain: You cannot hold a sleeping infant when she is awake

 If you know me, you know I don't sit still well, or for long. While home raising my five children for fifteen years I wrote many parenting articles, a couple of which were actually accepted for publication.  (Haha! You all should be thankful that I didn't have access or the idea of blogging back then and was instead at the mercy of folks willing to publish my writing.) One published article comes to my mind when I am approaching the end of a break from the daily work routine. I still had only two children, when I wrote the article that was published in a faith-driven magazine. You need to know, I was that mom who relished the time with which I was gifted to hold my children. I loved holding them! Often others would comment that if I kept holding them, they would get used to it and expect it...well, yeah! That was the point, no? 

Anyway, this article was about the euphoric feeling experienced when the rare instance of simultaneously napping children occurred, and what can be accomplished in that span of time. I meandered through the possibilities of catching up on laundry, paying bills, starting dinner preparations. All the things that are very difficult to do while two children, both under age 2, are awake and demanding my attention. But then I cut to the chase....I admitted to taking the time to sit and hold my sleeping daughter, soaking in her peacefulness, watching her trusting sleep fill my arms and heart, feeling her body becoming part of mine once again, and stating how this was truly the only thing that was impossible to do when she was awake.

So by now you are thinking, what the hell is she going on about? Why are we reliving her time 17 years ago before her children were the teenage brood that eats more quickly than she can shop, stays up later than she can muster and brings more angst than peace most days? Well, here is my point. I am on day #10 of an 11-day vacation from school. To be honest, I can't wait to see my students again and get back into all that we still have to share this school year! Crazy perhaps, but it is true. But at the same time, I woke up today thinking, "What do I want to do with my time between now and Monday morning? What will help me to know that I did what I truly cannot accomplish once school starts again?" In other words, what is my present day version of the cherished feeling of holding a sleeping, peaceful infant? That is what you and I need to determine to do with our time regardless of how frivolous others may think our choices are. Cherish it for the uniqueness it offers so the return to school is done with no regrets. 

Time Capsule: Last Year's Unpublished Post from the Holiday Season

As is likely the case with most people who like to share their ideas through blogging, I often begin to write a post only to have it sit in my draft list. Last year I began a post that was never finished. Fear that it would not be understood prevented it's publication. The sentiment is eerie in its innocence and somewhat prophetic in its warnings. The italicized sentiment you are invited to read contains the un-edited words of the woman who existed at this keyboard just a year ago. The odd ordinary words carry a message of a simpler time when the news carried stories other than those regarding a worldwide pandemic. Before I send you on your way back to December 2019, you need to know this about me. This time of year as my children enjoy cranking up the holiday songs because they find joy in the familiarity and sentiment, I find sadness and a sense of emptiness. Not a sadness that I own personally but an emptiness that feels large enough to encompass all the world's sorrow. Sound crazy? Perhaps it is. So much so that I have never successfully put words to it. The words below were an attempt to wrap my head around this feeling. 

December 2019: 

With Thanksgiving over and the Holiday Season upon us, just try to get through the day without mention of gifts and wants and ways to make others "know how much you care"...all the talk is of "stuff".  How much you need, how much they want... how much, much much.  Equally numerous are the ways in which folks attempt to denounce what has become of this time of year: the misplaced attempt to make happiness happen. Can I take all of this one step further? I posit that the solution to the mayhem that has become the Holiday Season lies in our everyday life. The direction of this season is not determined and crafted in just this one month, but in the eleven that precede it as well. The feeling I get this time of year is magnified yes, but it is not new or unfelt throughout the year. 

Here's what I mean. 

We have lost a sense of gratitude for the simple daily life happenings. We have taken for granted all that we have and forgotten that there are those who have not. We need to start to recognize what is in front of us lest we require a wake-up call of epic proportions. I want to try to help you understand the pit in my stomach and what I feel:

It's the same feeling I get when eating at an establishment that hosts televisions depicting the current state or our world, perhaps a war-torn country or the most recent murder, while I nosh on my burger and consider whether or not to dip the next french-fry into ketchup. It seems to me we take for granted our luxury of circumstance. We are able to witness the destruction sustained by others without so much as a second glance...after all, the news is saturated with misery and we've perhaps seen this footage so many times that we have the indulgence of calling it redundant. Wow! 

We have become a culture that is flippant about the important and hyper-discerning about the frivolous. We watch the news with our bowl of popcorn as though the tragedy of others is nothing more than a movie reel, while we take time and focus to decide which of the plethora of winter coats or fancy boots we should choose, mostly based on style and appearance instead of necessity. There is something terribly awry with the way in which we are using our minds and hearts, and I believe we need to regain our focus on our humanity. We need to think before we act, consider our nonchalance in taking in the news of our world and strive to become more centered on how to best nurture the hearts of people toward love for all. In a simple statement, we need to reconnect with our connection. But how?

So that is where my work on that post ended. One thing I wonder is if we need to be grateful this year for the pause, the chance to collect our thoughts and the opportunity to view humanity with eyes that can see beyond our wants. I heard a newscast that said as a vaccine is made available, it would not necessarily be considered for our earthbound counterparts in third world countries. Really? Is it possible that we still don't see it?  If I have not made sense of this to you, if it is still not evident, then perhaps we have a longer way to go than anticipated. In the end, regardless, I am grateful and filling my heart with the world and all the pain it holds. It is there and then, when each of our hearts connects with the pain and suffering of the world, that a true love for humanity can be born.

Have an Awesome Day Anyway

It's Sunday evening...the eve of another week of remote learning for my five children and remote teaching for me. While I should be spending this time perfecting my lesson plans, I feel compelled to get a message to you. Yes...this time is tough. Yes...we miss how life used to be. Yes...we are tired and overdrawn, and unable to see an end in sight. And finally, yes...when we wake up to this reality again tomorrow, it is possible to Have an Awesome Day Anyway!

As far as anxiety and stress are concerned, if it is a sudden onslaught of either or both, my response is not generally that of most...I meet spontaneous stress, such as witnessing a car accident or coming upon a hallway teenage confrontation, with peace and calm. Those who know me have come to realize that my peaceful nature does not always accurately convey the urgency that might be necessary, but that is just how I respond. My response is spot-on, unequivocally,  full of Donna-ness. (This, by the way, I know drives some people crazy!)

But what about the anxiety and stress that accompanies ongoing disillusionment or consistent-under-the-radar abuse to the system? This type of stress can easily go undetected until my body eventually begins to respond with the desire to sleep more, work less and exude a shortness of happiness that belies my innately optimistic personality. Given a long enough trip down the path of low-level stress, or in our present case, high-level stress that has become the daily norm so as to be disguised as low-level stress, and I neglect to take proper care of my well-being. Think 15 to 20-year-marriage-that-went-south-before-its-first-anniversary, kind of stress. It just silently ferments and eats away at the heart, suffocates the drive and deteriorates the self, until suddenly the victim realizes that they have been reduced...in some undetected and undefined way. The victim has become a survivor.

My friends, that is where we are. We are in the midst of an anxiety ridden timeframe. There is no current escape. This is not immediately fixable by you, or me, or anyone. It just is...low-level, high-level, constant-eat-away-at-the-soul, stress and anxiety. But here's the thing. We cannot wait any longer in hopes that it relents. We have to live! We have to have an awesome day! We need to repeat our mantras and meet these challenging times with deliberate determination to make today amazing and tomorrow even better! 

I get it. This is not like staying in a bad relationship where we have control over the timeframe. This is not like quelling the savage teenage attitude where we have control over the outcome. This is a pandemic, where we have been forced to relinquish any and all control. Or have we? I don't think so. We can still have control over our choices, our actions, our interactions. We have the control to have an awesome day anyway. 

And so, my wish for you on the eve of this new week: Have an Awesome Day Anyway. Not sure how? Look around you. Appreciate the world moving along with the seasons, daily weather, cycles of life. Appreciate that you can serve others with a smile, an air hug, a love-note. Go buy a little gift and leave it on a doorstep, or under your child's pillow. Don't miss these opportunities to have an awesome day anyway. I know I am about to get started on mine. And the next day, guess what? My plan is the same and I will do it all over again. I will continue to write it in my journal and on my heart:

 "Today is the perfect day to have an awesome day anyway!"

Belonging is the Root of Gratitude

Go on any social media today and you will see a plethora of posts, quotes and pictures depicting gratitude in various ways and for a multitude of reasons. I am always amazed at the desire in the hearts of people to yell from the highest mountain about that for which they are grateful. It is beautiful really, and a human trait worth exploring.

What is it that makes us want to share our gratitude? Is it a feeling of happiness created by another? Is it the sensation of completeness that soothes our being? Or perhaps it is the sense of love that we enjoy at the receiving end of a message or sentiment. Whatever the catalyst, the sharing of gratitude holds in its power the healing necessary for our world.

And so today I challenge you to look inside for the origination of the gratitude you feel. Then look beyond the event or person or object and find what it is that is truly rooted in your heart. In almost every case, I believe you will find a sense of belonging has been planted deep within your heart by whomever or whatever brings you that sense of thankfulness. 

Take just a minute (I mean that literally.): Close your eyes and let your gratitude bring you joy. Sit with the thought for a moment and just feel it. Connection...belonging...you fit here...you have a place...you have a purpose...there is a reason for you. 

Then, once you have allowed your gratitude to permeate your very soul, go about bringing to others that same sense of belonging. Thank you for being here, allowing me to share my passion and purpose, and planting in my heart a sense of belonging right here on this journey with you.

If You Keep Making that Face, it Will Freeze that Way!

My children tonight asked why I always share with others about our foibles...ok, they didn't say "foibles", but they asked why I share all our weirdness and craziness. And I told them that sometimes I really feel that we are led through the experiences we have so that others can know they are not alone. For example tonight Anna, my 17 year-old new-driver, came home and greeted me with, "I know you don't need more to worry about but..." She had driven into the mailbox while attempting to park, knocking the passenger side mirror from the car. Well, not totally knocking it off. To be fair, it was hanging on by the power wires. But the good news is that the mailbox that had been secured (by me) was still intact. Oh, and by the way, the car needs to clear inspection this weekend after having failed three times. 

But this post is not about the mailbox or the mirror or failed car inspection. That was Monday. Nope, this post is about Tuesday and that old saying, "If you keep making that face, it will freeze that way!"  Remember being told that as a child? Silliness, right? And yet, with all this snazzy remote learning, that warning is more true than ever. 

If you are a frequent reader, you already know about Bear, our cute little puppy that we adopted in April. He was 10 weeks and 11 pounds then. He is now a 9 month-old 70 pound puppy. So Monday during period 3, Bear was happily lying next to the piano chewing on something. The dogs, there are three, have chew toys all over the house, so there was really no reason for alarm...until he let out a yelp that sent me jumping from my desk chair in the middle of a discussion about early 1900 immigration with my US History class. Immediately after his yelp, my class had gone black. When I went toward Bear, he was cowering. At the same time, Maccaroni children, who were all supposed to be in classes, began walking toward me saying how the internet had gone out, and it became apparent what had happened. Bear had chewed clear through our modem/router power cord and gotten a shock that scared him more than injured him. Thank God he's huge!

It is rare that I am affected by such seemingly normal Maccaroni-life-occurrences. But anyone who knows me well knows that I don't take teaching lightly. I began to get those feelings of frustration that make me feel I need to fix it...NOW! My kids were awesome...and why wouldn't they be? They got a free pass from period 4. I had them email their teachers with the present-day version of the dog ate my homework, which they really enjoyed a little too much. I went to Staples to see if the cord was replaceable but since it wasn't I purchased a new device and went home to do the set-up. Hopefully this has been fun for you so far. We are not even at the face-freezing part yet...but here it comes.

The kids and I were back in business by lunchtime and ready to take on the afternoon. That is when I decided it might be interesting to see what the Zoom recording showed in terms of the dog-yelp and what my students did in my absence. I went to my Zoom account, clicked on recordings, and that is when the old saying came to life..."If you keep making that face, it will freeze that way!" The recording said it all. Me in mid-sentence, Bear's loud screech, and then, the frozen face...

Maybe someone can explain this to me...frozen faces have become the norm...every day my students freeze in class, they tell me I am frozen, and at times we all share that "frozen in this moment" look, but we never freeze in a flattering pose. Why am I never full smile and bright eyes in that frozen screen shot? 

Then again, maybe that is the lesson here. These crazy remote learning days are just a moment in time. 

No need for alarm. No need for constant battling and worry. Some day in the not-so-far-future, these days will be nothing more than the memory of a moment frozen in time. What will your face look like in that memory? Let it be one of calm and serenity. Let it be one of happy childhood memories when your students look back and say:

• "My teacher was awesome!" 
• "He made sure we were OK everyday when we got on." 
• "We had so much fun!" 
• "She greeted me by name each day." 
• "She was beautiful inside and out!" 
• "This one time when his face froze, he was laughing so hard that he was smiling from ear to ear...that's how I remember him."

Letter to Teachers...We Know You Care!

Dear Teacher Who Cares, 

Recently I wrote myself a message on a post-it note.  It sits on my desk and says:

 "It only bothers the teachers who care.  We all care."  

The first sentence was a snarky snide comment someone made regarding their perceived failures of  those attempting remote teaching. The second sentence was my mental rebuttal. Anyone who thinks that simple realization is enough to quell the teacher-heart is ridiculously mistaken!

You are a teacher. You went into this profession in order to be around children, relay your curriculum and by doing so, change the course of the future for the better. But now you are being asked to make that commitment to the future without the means with which you were initially equipped or promised. What you are accomplishing is nothing short of miraculous and yet, even that realization is not enough to quell the teacher-heart.

Let's face it, you signed up to work your magic face-to-face with your students. Here we are, nine months into this craziness and we are doing our job in ways we never signed up for, and in ways that we know are not conducive to what we need to accomplish. But we still show up each day. I find that interesting.

My dear friend, as you continue along this path, keep your head up! You are doing incredible things and touching students without being physically near them. That is incredible! You are encouraging families and helping them to embrace this situation in ways that are new and exciting. You are amazing! You are a strength and support for your colleagues even from your distance. That is empowering!  You are getting up each day, maybe feeling lethargic and apathetic, but you are not letting your students know that. That is compassionate!  You are relaying your curriculum, keeping kids' minds nimble, making sure they are getting all that they would get if you had the optimum circumstances, even though you don't. That is impossible! So impossible that anyone else would have given up by now, said it was time to throw in the towel and cut your losses, wait until this thing passes, but you are still moving forward, one step at a time...that is commendable!

And so I say, "Thank you!"  Thank you for being amazing in a job that requires books, contact, pencils and paper, interaction, clear communication, glances, touches, all kinds of tools that we are not afforded at this time, yet we still are here, we still are teaching, we still are serving. That is awe-inspiring!

Please, please, please, stay away from negative comments!  Keep this in mind especially now...When someone says something negative, determine if there is any truth to it's condemnation.  If there is, fix it.  If there isn't, let it go. If you have the strength, tack on a positive rebuttal. For that, my dear teaching friend, is what we need to do. Are there times when you might be slacking or taking the easy road instead of diving in full force? If yes, determine to do better. If not, know that you are doing all you can in a world that is anything but conducive to teaching children! I know you care. You are amazing, performing the impossible and inspiring others to grow forward, one more step, one more day.  We can do this!  Thank you!  Thank you!