Weekend Post: The Indentation of Anger

I keep a daily journal.  Every morning between my shower and the making of breakfast for the kids and me, I sit on my chair and write, write, write.  Sometimes it is just reflection on the previous day's happenings or the coming day's plans.  At other times, I use the therapy of the pen gliding across the page to bring peace and resolution to matters of my heart.  Often I just choose a word that I need to more fully live and write it....over....and....over.  Peace, peace, peace, peace, peace...confidence, confidence, confidence, confidence....solace, solace, solace....risk it, risk it, risk it, risk it.  This precious time with my favorite type of pen for writing (BIC Atlantis Exact Fine Point), in my favorite spot (corner chair in the front of the house), before the kids wake up (6:30am), is cherished and sacred; truly the place where I embrace my purpose.

And so, with that picture of my daily peaceful serenity painted, allow me to share with you how the power of a single bout of anger tainted my journaling experience for exactly 23 days.  Twenty-three days!  Was I actually angry for that long?  Well, if I am to be honest, it is unfortunately an anger that is hard to extinguish...and it, unfortunately, rears its ugly mug more often than I am proud to admit.  But those twenty-three days taught me something that is worth sharing; about the power of anger and the way it taints our happiest of moments.

It is not the goal of this post to share the source of the anger I describe.  And so, let me just say that on the day in question, the day before the start of the 23 days, I vigorously dug my BIC Atlantis so far into the page as I strived to release the exasperation inside of me, that I created a physical depiction of what anger does to the heart.  I dug that fine point with fury, not puncturing the page, mind you.  A puncture would allow for release...this was just an indentation.  Just an indentation that tainted the following 23 journal entries, front and back of the page.  It tainted the beautiful unfolding of my life; the planning of my daughter's birthday, an outing with old friends, accomplishments of my students, a speaking engagement (on the power of positivity...oh, the irony!) and my son's college explorations.  It took me a couple of days to realize what I had done, but when I did, it was then that I started to circle the indentation.  Day after day I drew attention to it, lest I miss the lesson it was there to teach.  Hold on to anger, let it control you in the least, and you cannot fully enjoy all that life has to bestow.

Is the lesson learned?  Perhaps.  I won't know right away as anyone who knows me will tell you, anger is not a first used emotion that I possess.  But I am reminding myself daily of the power of that indentation, that tainting of life.  As is the case for many life lessons, this one is more easily taught than learned.  And so, I hope that the indentation makes a mark on your heart, as it has on mine.

The Golden Ticket to Teaching

Given the ease with which we can look information up on the internet and the increasingly technological bent of our culture, there is buzz about the devaluation of education.  Videos depict schools as seemingly meaningless structures with students realizing there is really no need to memorize facts or acquire certain subject matter.  Absorbing these videos and reading the articles is disheartening to the educators who have dedicated their lives to pedagogical endeavors.  It is painful to watch and harder to discuss.  But let's pause and think...

Consider, if you will, that perhaps it is not all about curriculum.  Perhaps that degree you earned in college was providing you with even more than the subject matter it boasted to perfect.  Contemplate that the curriculum you studied is simply your paid admission, allowing you to enter into the most important venue anyone can dream to command!  I posit that your curriculum, this Golden Ticket, is your pass to stand in the front of a room filled with impressionable minds. The subject matter is merely the script. Whether teaching about science or reading, it makes no difference. The plot...the theme... go much deeper than math or writing. Human-ness, discipline, time management, tolerance, acceptance; these are the items that make up your playbill's various acts.  They are what decide the feelings your audiences bring with them as they walk out of your theater and back into life.  The unexplainable imprint on the heart, left by an actor or actress who unwittingly touched the soul, is the gift you share with the world by touching one young heart.

True, we help children dabble in the subject areas in order to find their passions.  The subject areas are important.  But we cannot limit ourselves to thinking that is all that we are called to do.  Every time that you notice the intricacies and strengths of each student, you have taught tolerance and acceptance.  Every time that you arrive, tired from a night up with your own sick child, but ready to give your students all that you've got, you have taught them discipline.  And every time that you meet them at the door with a loving smile, even after the previous day's antics and struggles, you have taught them how to live the unconditional love that is the hallmark of humanity.  There is value in what you are doing...curriculum and beyond, it all matters.  Tomorrow, as the curtain rises, break a leg!  Live your calling!  Share your passions!  And know your standing ovation is building, one child at a time.

In Our Spare Time

Where to begin...In My Spare Time is the title I gave to the only small business endeavor I ever attempted.  I was a mom of three children at the time, ages infant to 3.  I was accustomed to working two or three jobs at a time and so I was feeling as though I was not making enough of a difference in the world around me.  I was working part time for my church, running a toddler/parent group called "Adventures in Parenting", and truth be told, probably doing upwards of five other things on a regular basis, aside from parenting.  "In My Spare Time" was the epitome of misnomer and yet, clearly it was attempting to fill what I perceived as time that was not being well spent.  I began to advertise the painting of children's wood toy boxes, bedroom shelves and wall decorations.  The business never made me rich.  I was in the habit of giving items away since, when the time came to add up the hours spent creating, it was impossible to calculate how much of my time was spent painting since it happened in short bouts between feedings, naps and laundry.  Eventually the business side of In My Spare Time fizzled out, and I was left doing what I loved from the start; creating for children unique pieces that I hoped they would treasure for years, and giving them away as gifts from the heart.

The first In My Spare Time was just one attempt of mine to fill a void created when I decided to stay home and dedicate my time to raising my children.  I know now that the void did not originate in my heart, but instead was cultivated by a culture that, at times, devalues parental intention.  I wanted to be home with my children.  I wanted to be there for every scraped knee, first this and first that.  I didn't want to leave them in order to work outside of the home.  I just needed to find my value, my purpose, my intention.  In time, the waters have cleared.  Presently, as a teacher I am constantly reminded why I stayed home with my children all those young years.  I know that I lived those years, as I lived all the years prior, and I continue to live the years after; with intention, deliberate optimism and a passion that screams, "LIFE IS GOOD!!!"  "Watch me live it!"

And so, I'm so glad you are here.  Learn with me as I draw from my love and my passion and my intention.   Learn with me as my optimism causes me to get knocked around by life's inevitable blows and then helps me jump back up looking for the lesson I was meant to garner.  Teach me from your experience and sharing.  Life is amazing! Let's live it together with intention and purpose.  Let's explore together with optimism and joy.  Let's share...what we can, when we can...In Our Spare Time.