I keep a daily journal. Every morning between my shower and the making of breakfast for the kids and me, I sit on my chair and write, write, write. Sometimes it is just reflection on the previous day's happenings or the coming day's plans. At other times, I use the therapy of the pen gliding across the page to bring peace and resolution to matters of my heart. Often I just choose a word that I need to more fully live and write it....over....and....over. Peace, peace, peace, peace, peace...confidence, confidence, confidence, confidence....solace, solace, solace....risk it, risk it, risk it, risk it. This precious time with my favorite type of pen for writing (BIC Atlantis Exact Fine Point), in my favorite spot (corner chair in the front of the house), before the kids wake up (6:30am), is cherished and sacred; truly the place where I embrace my purpose.
And so, with that picture of my daily peaceful serenity painted, allow me to share with you how the power of a single bout of anger tainted my journaling experience for exactly 23 days. Twenty-three days! Was I actually angry for that long? Well, if I am to be honest, it is unfortunately an anger that is hard to extinguish...and it, unfortunately, rears its ugly mug more often than I am proud to admit. But those twenty-three days taught me something that is worth sharing; about the power of anger and the way it taints our happiest of moments.
It is not the goal of this post to share the source of the anger I describe. And so, let me just say that on the day in question, the day before the start of the 23 days, I vigorously dug my BIC Atlantis so far into the page as I strived to release the exasperation inside of me, that I created a physical depiction of what anger does to the heart. I dug that fine point with fury, not puncturing the page, mind you. A puncture would allow for release...this was just an indentation. Just an indentation that tainted the following 23 journal entries, front and back of the page. It tainted the beautiful unfolding of my life; the planning of my daughter's birthday, an outing with old friends, accomplishments of my students, a speaking engagement (on the power of positivity...oh, the irony!) and my son's college explorations. It took me a couple of days to realize what I had done, but when I did, it was then that I started to circle the indentation. Day after day I drew attention to it, lest I miss the lesson it was there to teach. Hold on to anger, let it control you in the least, and you cannot fully enjoy all that life has to bestow.
Is the lesson learned? Perhaps. I won't know right away as anyone who knows me will tell you, anger is not a first used emotion that I possess. But I am reminding myself daily of the power of that indentation, that tainting of life. As is the case for many life lessons, this one is more easily taught than learned. And so, I hope that the indentation makes a mark on your heart, as it has on mine.
