There is a sentiment in AA that reminds us we need only worry about keeping our side of the street clean. An alcoholic must focus on considering and controlling only his or her actions in order to remain on the straight and narrow path of sobriety. There is no blaming of others, nor is there reliance on others for one's personal success. Whether struggling with addiction or not, we can all learn from the lessons in The Little Blue Book. The concept of only worrying about your side of the street comes in handy in all walks of life.
Repeatedly this week I have been invited to consider the negative bent of others, and to attempt to decipher my role in quelling virulence of such individuals. How much are we responsible for responding to, or helping to change the ways of those who are hell-bent on negativity and the tearing down of others? The answer is, not at all. If my example can teach others to walk a positive path, that is great. But arguing with negative people will never lead to their optimistic enlightenment, and so to do so is fruitless. As I was considering this, I was brought back to my teaching situation about twenty years ago, and I invite you now to consider this scenario:
I had been teaching for 6 years, but was new to the public school setting. I was the teacher in a class of children who had the special education label at the time of Emotionally Disturbed. My principal wanted nothing more than to know that I would keep the children under control and isolated in my classroom. He was not a fan of the students I loved, and gave the impression that they would be better housed anywhere but in his building. As such, he and I didn't always see eye-to-eye. I recall once in front of my class and others that were passing in the hallways, he was yelling at me so vehemently that the red was creeping up his neck to his face...One of my students had stabbed another with her pencil, and he wanted to know how I could possibly have missed catching this before it happened. In his mind, I must have been sitting back, eyes closed, enjoying Bon Bons (if you are too young to know what they are, look them up!) instead of paying attention to my students. Clearly, he had limited experience with the kids in my class and how stealthily they could inflict their torment. Anyway, as the red traveled north to his forehead, I calmly stated, "Please do not yell at me." His answer, "I AM NOT YELLING AT YOU!" My reply, "OK, then please do not speak to me that way." He tried to get himself under control, couldn't, and so he stormed away. I remember considering the ironic similarities between my students' and this adult educator's behavior. Anyway, I needed you to understand my relationship with this man in order to appreciate the next chapter of the story.
There was one particular young boy in my class whose father was unhappy with his placement. The negative connotations of being in a classroom for children labeled "Emotionally Disturbed" trumped the father's ability to see that his son needed smaller class size, a more intimate student to teacher ratio, and a plan to help him control his physical outbursts. The father could not appreciate that his son was now finding school success, was smiling daily, and was generally proud of himself. Instead, the dad staged a "strike", which he planned for a particular morning as buses were scheduled to arrive for school. Dad went about it all legally, informing police of his intentions. My principal was a wreck leading up to this event. At an 'emergency' faculty meeting, he warned teachers about their drive in to school on that day, and glanced in my direction to indicate that the student in question was mine. You see, his nervousness came from his inability to keep his side of the street clean. His whole block was a mess of ego and self-centeredness. I was doing my job, loving that student with all my heart, and following the plan in place to help this child find success. My side was clean, my heart was calm.
When I see comments on Twitter that are negative, hear people spewing their vitriol instead of appreciating education's advances, or when I find someone rolling their eyes as others celebrate successes, I just smile. I think of that man, red creeping up his neck practically lighting a neon sign atop his head that said, "Don't listen to me. I don't care about you, so you don't need to care about what I have to say." OK, that's a really long neon sign, but you get the idea. It is not the negative comments of others that should spend time in your head. Read them and move on. Hear them, and smile and nod. You can do that if your side of the street is clean and you live in the knowledge that you are doing the right thing at all times. Then listen to those that love you. Not just the "yes" folks, though I know listening to them feels good. Listen mostly to the folks that are not afraid to tell you if you messed up, but who are also there to celebrate your successes. They are the ones who will be there with you enjoying a block party you host on your nice clean side of the street.
