As is often the case with the foster care experience, babies have a way of bringing folks together, piquing interest and informing the masses...all from their position of pure vulnerability. Isn't it interesting that a helpless baby could teach so many without even trying? The lessons babies teach are endless, but one of the main lessons we have to garner from the innocent is that of mindfully living in this moment right now.
First, an update regarding Wednesday's post. The little baby with whom we were preparing to possibly share our home was sent from the hospital on Friday to begin his life with his adoptive parents. That is miraculous and heartbreaking news, depending on which role one plays in the script, as you read on Wednesday. (Post: The Story We Must Consider: opioid addicted babies )As for my children and me, disappointed yet grateful, we packed our baby items away for the next time we are called to possibly provide a haven for a child. The items have their own little corner of our home, subtle reminders of the service we are ready to provide, sometimes with weeks worth of notice, other times with merely a day or two to prepare. And so for us, that willingness to alter our family life in order to welcome an infant house guest reminds us we are to always be mindful. This lesson is one we need to constantly consider, and where this post is about to bring you and me.
I have always thought that being an "on-call" EMT would be an amazing way to give service to others. However, knowing my need for being planful, I could never bring myself to wear that beeper. It would be impossible for me to function knowing that I could be called at any moment to switch gears and move into rescue mode. I admire the people who are able to help others in this way. This is the ultimate "living in the moment" service. Still, knowing that about myself, it is interesting that I would instead choose infant foster care for my preferred method of giving back. But even though it has its share of surprises and certainly lends itself to surrender of self and plans, being a foster family teaches my children and me to be mindful in other ways. Babies have no choice but to live in the moment. When they are hungry, they cry; tired, they sleep; happy, they smile. There is no waiting until they get to the restaurant, crib or appropriate venue. But their lesson in mindfulness doesn't come merely from their "in the moment' example, it comes from what they unpretentiously demand of us.
Being mindful does not necessarily mean that I allow myself to enter into unpleasant situations and then attempt to find my comfort zone. Though sometimes that may be the case, being mindful often takes a step back and looks at the situation ahead of time. If the situation is one that will make me uncomfortable, and there is a way to avoid it, my mindfulness in that moment prior to the situation is where I need to act. This is one of those points that I feel so strongly, yet struggle for adequate words to explain, and so I'll try with an example:
Often my run is intended to bring me peace and alone time. Unlike many individuals, I enjoy the monotony of lapping the track. I don't need to think about where I'm going, I don't need to monitor my time or distance, I need only run. However, if I arrive at the track and it is already occupied, I know that I will not be able to enjoy my run in the same way and so I go elsewhere. My mindful moment is in that time beforehand, that thought process that knows me well enough to know what I need. Some might say that I should withstand the sharing of the track and in doing so, that is where true mindfulness is demonstrated: finding oneself in an uncomfortable moment and successfully pushing through. While I would agree that too is being mindful, there is wisdom in knowing what it is that I need at any given moment, and there is no valor in choosing the opposite.
You see, as babies teach us, being mindful is not defined by looking for the uncomfortable and proving we can persevere. Mindfulness is persevering in the way that brings awareness of the self and others to the forefront of the mind. It is not a judgement on the self or others, but an acceptance of the circumstances as they are presented. And so it was this week for me, my children, and those of you who shared the story of this baby and his family. You and I became mindful together as we allowed ourselves to love those suffering through the reality of infant addiction, foster care and adoption. The feelings that were stirred were uncomfortable, disturbing and more easily left for others to consider. But we entered anyway. When I read about what withdrawal entails for these babies, I cried. But I read more anyway. I hope you did too. In many ways, I know this seems contradictory to my track example. If we know it will make us uncomfortable, according to my example above, we should retreat and find a new place to "run". However, this IS our track. This IS our world. We are already here, whether we like it or not. And so, gaining awareness IS being mindful in our world. I believe that by allowing ourselves to be vulnerable to the pain of others, by allowing ourselves to persevere in being mindful in our world, and by allowing ourselves to love the vulnerable, we will grow. Then, and only then, will we be able to affect positive change in the circumstances surrounding those involved.
And so, consider his lesson: that baby, undoubtedly waking in the middle of the night, needing loving arms that might not be able to calm him, but will in time be able to assure him of his safety, is the ultimate teacher of mindfulness. In that moment, when the parent most wants sleep, he/she must look at that baby, live in that moment, and simply love with all the parental heart can muster. Do we all prefer things could be different for him? of course. But knowing they are not and knowing we are able to endure for others what we would prefer to avoid, we enter the crowded track and "run", making our way, foregoing the desired monotony of everyday simple living, in order to love those put in our path. A Lesson in Mindfulness...absolutely! Thank you for sharing it with me! You are now a part of his story. He will never know it, but you are different because of him. How amazing!
