To Lead or Not to Lead, It's Not Up to You!

As the years of motherhood swallowed up more and more of my adult life, I often would stop myself  to turn around and look over my brood only to wonder, "Why are all these kids following me?" Often it was just a moment of realization in the fact that somehow I was the mother of five beautiful children, and the humility of the situation would envelop me in gratitude. Other times, however the enormity of them so blindly following me and trusting that I knew what I was doing was overwhelmingly intimidating.  I mean, what basis did they have for the trust that they put in my ability to keep them safe, teach them and guide them in their little lives?  They had not studied my credentials or perused my qualifications.  And yet, there they were when I woke up, staring at me, willing me to lead the way.

       I can recall the first time they joined me on the track to actually run. Usually I would bring them out there for them to play on the infield while I did my laps.  This day, however, they laced up and were all on the track, giggling and talking as we looped the field. Later that day I texted my sister-in-law to relay a message of joy mixed with horror. It was a moment that was at once a dream come true and a nightmare. I mean, they were following my lead into running and fitness, but I knew my days of meditation on the track were ending, at least for a while.  Later that year, they ran the Princeton Kids Marathon. Twenty-five miles were run over the span of a month up to "race day". Then the last mile was run on a course that ended at the Princeton University arena. As runners finished the race on the track my children were nowhere to be seen. Then the announcer, a WPST disc jockey, could be heard proclaiming that the final runners were entering the arena. There they were, my two older girls carrying their little sister into the arena. They put her down and proceeded to hold hands all the way around the track and across the finish line. It was official, I was their leader in all things, whether or not that realization was in the forefront of my mind at any given moment.

I write all this to help you consider something tremendously important. This post is about YOU! You in your everyday life living with the power to be a leader, whether or not you choose the role. Considered the enormity of this responsibility! We don't get to choose whether or not we will be a leader. Instead, as soon as someone is following another, the person being followed is a leader.

Wait, what? Yep, that's right!

Every reader here has the potential to become a leader at any given moment that someone chooses to follow you. You, the parent...you, the teacher...you, the principal...you, the teen...you, the driver...you, the customer...you, the commuter...you, the waiter...you, the optimist...you, the pessimist...you get the picture!  You never know when someone is watching you, just waiting to follow your lead.

And then...

                 the moment someone begins following you, you are a leader...
                             
                                           It's not up to you, so choose your actions wisely!

Just Because It Feels as if You Never Left, Doesn't Mean That's True

As many teachers rounded out the first full week of the new school year, through conversations both in-person and online I noticed a frustration and defeat creeping into comments and demeanor. The frustration was not with students or with curriculum, but with the self. As teachers we tend to hold ourselves to ridiculously high standards and a result is a frustration with ourselves and our perceived inability to jump right back in. Teachers I spoke with seemed to think they should be able to do so much more in this short amount of time than they were accomplishing and they seemed to believe that this new school year should already fit like a well-worn cap. I found myself imploring folks to be gentle on themselves, this ancient new direction is one that is traveled repeatedly throughout the world, yet your path with your particular crew has never before been explored!

I often need to remind myself to heed my own advice, and so in listening to my words, I was reminded of the impatience I felt with myself when my children and I moved out of our family home where we had spent most of our years together and into a brand new home and way of life. Being a creature of habit, I craved the ease with which I had parented my school-aged children from my home base for so many years.  I mean, I had it down to a science!  Kids chose lunch options the Sunday heading into the school week. Their clothing was organized on shelves and their shoes in cubbies. Hooks labeled with each child's name by the front door delineated which backpacks and sweaters hung where. It was an organized mother's dream come true. It ran like clockwork....Then we moved... To a home that is a fraction of the size and did not afford the same amount of space to organize my five school children and their teacher-mom. A new home that had not had the comfortable attribute of growing along with us, but instead into which we thrust ourselves, in full-color action, mid-school-year.  For weeks I was frustrated with my inability to get us to the point we had been before. I berated myself for not being able to provide the routine and security of control that I had been able to bestow on my children before. After all, the kids and their needs were the same. In essence, it was "as if I had never left" so why could I not get it together as I had so easily before?

And then a friend gave me a little plaque and a stone.

On the plaque were the words, "I believe in being gentle on our soul as we mend and heal our hearts" and on the stone simply the word, "Courage".

While these words might not seem like much, at the time of their gifting they had the power to jumpstart a new mindset and alter my outlook. Slow down for a moment right now. Give it a read again. Then listen to what it has to say to your teacher-soul.

"I believe in being gentle on our soul as we mend and heal our hearts"

"Courage"

Do you see it? Do you see why you might be feeling as you do during these first weeks of returning to school? While your heart may not be in need of mending and healing, it is still in a state of turmoil and change. This is stressful! Many have returned to school feeling as though we never left. Summer seems to have flown by. In the grand scheme of life as we add years to our age, those two summer months become a smaller and smaller fraction of the life we have lived.  As a result, while they lazily lingered on forever when we were children, now they run by us in a flash. We return to school and we are in the same room, using the same materials and working with the same staff. It all seems so familiar and commonplace that we cannot understand why we can't fall into the routine of ease that we left in June.

When we forget to take the time to reflect on the true passing of time, it's no wonder it seems as though we should be able to do this as if we were in this position for eight months. After all, it's not an illusion that it seems as if we never left. But think for a moment about what is different.  Not the room, building or co-workers, but instead the most important part of our job; the students!  Try to name another profession where the primary clientele arrives in droves, immediately sits looking for the person in charge to serve them, expects the leader to be on top of their game from the get-go, and then comes back the next day with the same expectations...  Add to that the fact that every interaction with every students matters, and I am certain this type of stress does not exist in any other situation. The stress we are feeling is that accompanied by the high demand to build relationship with 20, 30, 150, 300 people!  Not those at a conference who will leave us in a few days, but those in our space, silently and subconsciously demanding of us that we be there for them, today, tomorrow, the next day....

And so, please go gently on your soul!  This is all new, even if it is not. Sharing a chocolate cake with an old friend is very different from sharing it with a new love. Not better, not worse, just different. New love, while exciting and something you anticipate with joy, can be very stressful. It's a happy stress, but it is stress all the same. You feel different, you act differently, and you need to be more in tuned to making sure that sharing with that new love the next time, will feel more and more like sharing with the old friend...comfortable and familiar. That's growth! That's what we are striving for with our students. We start with all this new love in September, taking the time to cultivate relationships, and this is stressful! This is work for our hearts. But be patient!  It is a wonderful time! For this new love will fit like the most comfortable old friend in time, and it is then that you will feel at peace with the gift you have as an educator! And so over the next few weeks, keep repeating to yourself as I will be to myself; "Go gently on your soul"!

Hospitality: You Are Always Welcome Here!

If you've not seen Sebastian Maniscalco's skit about people showing up at your home unannounced in today's culture, please hit play on the clip above and laugh with me. It is widely known that regarding the Maccaroni house anyone is welcome at any time. Cars will pull up, we hear the car door, and we look to see who is coming. We have an open door policy that is understood by all who know us, and exercised freely. There are two general 'rules' to be followed if stopping by...the state you find our home in is never to be judged, and the state you find us in is always to be joined. And believe me, with our home being as well used as it is, its state can be pretty scary at times and its activity is always entertaining. As parents drop off the friends of my children, dogs are brought to see Mocha, conversation flows freely, stories are relayed and often the struggles of parenting are shared. And as students visit my teenage neighbor or are walking home from school, they shamelessly yell "Hey Ms. Macc!" and sometimes come over for a little catching up on life. It has gotten to the point that my children and I know that in order to connect to some people, we need to make sure we are home, we need to be present. It is very disappointing when we arrive home only to find a note or gift at our door, and a missed opportunity to connect with the bestower. 

And then there is my classroom. Although tucked out of the way of general school traffic, is much like my home. Students with whom I was blessed to share last year make their way to my room to say hello, catch up and seek my encouragement or help. My classroom door is always open, and anyone who stops in can be assured of joining into our current activity, discussion and antics. Sometimes I wonder if our security staff draws straws to determine who will be made to visit my classroom in the morning to collect my inter-office folder, and no doubt be dragged into our current escapade. My room is a reassuring and cheerful spot that, much like my home, is a welcoming space for people to feel safe just being themselves.

So here is my conundrum...you had to know something sinister was looming... 

This past week we had our full staff PD gatherings prior to students arriving for the school year and they prompted my reflections for this post. After reading all my descriptions above, one would think I would work the room of a full-staff meeting like a champ, making sure others are feeling welcome and comfortable just as I do at home and in my classroom. However, even with a full-fledged pep talk prior to arrival, I am incapable of exuding this same welcoming atmosphere in social settings that I do at home and in my classroom. I am not by nature one to speak up or call out to others when the circumstances dictate that this is exactly what folks are supposed to do. While walking into a crowded room, I am much happier just staying in my head as I await the speaker's presentation. When I arrive at such an event, my armor goes up and the first thing I want to do is leave. This past week, as others were greeting one another and asking about summers and such, I promptly found a seat behind some folks and put my head into my notebook. It's not that I wasn't happy to see my co-workers, I was! I am just not comfortable being 'social' in that way. So my question is this: When presented with social gatherings, where is that welcoming woman who would allow anyone to enter her home or her classroom and go to great lengths to make them feel comfortable?

And so I am putting this out there in the public realm to hold myself accountable. I am challenging myself this year. I want to find that woman in all situations to which I am called.  I believe there is a mindset shift that I need to make. The invitation into my home and classroom would fit into the category of hospitality; making others feel comfortable and inviting connection. I love to make connections! I am all about relationships and connections! But when it comes to just me in that expanse of people, I don't feel as hospitable. I don't believe this is due to not wanting others in. I believe it is a matter of not feeling I have much to offer in these situations. If you know your Bible, you would see that I am much more comfortable playing the role of Martha instead of Mary. When I feel busy, when I feel as if I have something to offer, in the case of my home or classroom this means hospitality, I am in my comfort zone. And so, after much reflection, I believe I need to shift my mindset to include what I would like to refer to as 'hospitality of self'; inviting others to interaction with me and making them feel comfortable while encouraging connection into myself. I never want to exclude others from myself with my quietness or my facial expressions, which are merely a sign of my discomfort, not disinterest. I want to know that my smile, my posture and my actions allow others to feel they are welcome into 'me'. 

One final thought.  Regarding our students, I think we need to be aware that they might also have moments where they are not feeling sharable. It is interesting as an introvert to know that while it seems perfectly acceptable for an extrovert to question the motives of an introvert; "Come on! Why don't you join in!", it is not at all acceptable for an introvert to say, "Hey can you please get out of my space and leave me alone for now?"  Yet recognizing this may be how our students are feeling is an important step in allowing them to find safety in our classrooms.  The more I think about it, that seems to be a ripe seed for a future post. For now, I want you to know that as long as you are willing to accept and participate in the state you find, you are welcome into my crazy home, into my active classroom and into my genuine self! How do you plan to challenge yourself to grow this year?

Pack Summer into Your School Bag

Usually when I sit down to write a post I have been manipulating the words in my head for a couple days, hashing out the ideas and waiting to find the time to write my thoughts down in a way so that others can appreciate their story. Other times however, I sit down to write without any idea of what I have to say. There is no script that has been running through my head. There is nothing in particular that I want to try to convey...I just watch, much as the reader does, to see where the letters go. Just a hippie with a keyboard, going with the flow. This is one of those times. And it makes sense, right?  I mean, here I am on the cusp of a new school year. Summer vacation has come to an end and now I am looking out...but I can't decide at what I am gazing. I know that my view involves a mountain, it almost always does. And I know that the mountain is representing a new beginning; that's just the feeling of summer to school year. But am I at the bottom looking at what I need to climb in order to conquer? Or am I at the top, looking at where I need to jump in order to soar? Or is my view something completely different? I suppose that all depends...

This summer was full of gifts. The gift of the mundane as my children and I enjoyed some days of nothingness. The gift of new adventures as I branched out with my PD presentations and my son embarked on his college journey. The gift of sharing myself in relationships with people who never quite knew who I was and those who know me well but love me anyway. The gift of family as we gathered to celebrated birthdays or just enjoy a meal and company. The gift of a dog new to our family yet fitting in as though she was always here. The gift of a garden that actually lived. The gift of new drums and lessons begun and endless music in our home. The list goes on and on in my journal. It was a beautiful summer as I peer behind me, the terrain was mostly level with only the occasional bump of excitement, and for that alone I am truly grateful...but as I peer ahead...

…and read the comments and lamentations regarding the passing of summer, it is all too easy to believe I am about to be forced to leave behind me all that summer brought and trade those wonderful feelings for what lies ahead in the new school year. That would make me so sad! If I adopt that mindset, I will surely go into the upcoming week of school with dread and negative anticipation for all that it will not be able to bring into my life. With all the schedules and the homework and the sports, how could the upcoming school year ever measure up to summer? It can't, if I pit one against the other. But I know that mourning the loss of summer is only for those who didn't spend the past two months in growth and true happiness; the kind of happiness that seeps into the heart and comes along for the ride filling you with anticipation for what might come next. This is not a time for endings, but a time to figure out how to bring what was wonderful into the future with you!

At the end of last school year, I decided to have students address envelops to themselves so that I could send my 'end of the year' notes to them in the mail since I had run out of time to get them to the students before the close of school. All summer those envelops beckoned me from my school bag in the corner of my dining room. They were taunting me really. As the school year fell further and further behind me, I was increasingly unmotivated to write notes to students who (in my mind's rationale) surely couldn't possibly care about receiving a note from me as they enjoyed their summer. Occasionally however, I would see a student as is the blessing of living in the town in which I teach, and he/she would ask me about the letters, proving my excuses of their apathy flawed, and stirring the taunting up again. Well, this week I finally made good on my promise of letters, but with a new spin that beautifully connects last year to this one. I mailed those envelops with letters of encouragement for the upcoming school year drawing on the growth each student made last year, as well as a coupon from me giving permission for these amazing young people to remain awesome and to reach out to me with any need at all. My procrastination ended up being a powerful tool to bridge the gap between last year and this year. These notes were a way to bring a little bit of last year's awesome into the recipe that is churning for the upcoming school year. They became a way to stir up some excitement for what lies ahead. For me, mailing them has helped me to become excited to meet the new students with whom I will build relationships that will continue beyond next summer. Each experience builds on the last and carries with it a promise for the future.

And so as I peer out over the expanse of mountain before me, I don't believe I am seeing a climb or a soar in my immediate future. I see an open path; not flat, but with hills and dips that are manageable. I see beautiful beginnings and the continued joy they can bring to our lives, if we just change the perspective that "summer is over" into "what will I do with all that summer brought into my life to enhance this new beginning?". I know I plan to bring along with me the new relationships that are blooming in my life to see how they will continue to develop and help me to grow. I will continue to cherish family and old friends. I will replace my vegetables and summer flowers with mums. I will walk my dog before and after school and hear my daughter's drums as I prepare dinner for one less child, but anticipate the new growth experienced by my college student. I will not leave summer behind, I will just find a place for what it brought into my life and let it continue to shape me into all I am intended to be. Let all the joy and growth that summer brought to you continue on to bridge the gap, just as those letters will help to pull students into confidence for a successful year ahead by reminding them they are loved by someone who watched them grow last year. Seasons of life are not meant to be left behind, but to be lived and appreciated for all the ways they shape us and help us to grow.