And then there is my classroom. Although tucked out of the way of general school traffic, is much like my home. Students with whom I was blessed to share last year make their way to my room to say hello, catch up and seek my encouragement or help. My classroom door is always open, and anyone who stops in can be assured of joining into our current activity, discussion and antics. Sometimes I wonder if our security staff draws straws to determine who will be made to visit my classroom in the morning to collect my inter-office folder, and no doubt be dragged into our current escapade. My room is a reassuring and cheerful spot that, much like my home, is a welcoming space for people to feel safe just being themselves.
So here is my conundrum...you had to know something sinister was looming...
This past week we had our full staff PD gatherings prior to students arriving for the school year and they prompted my reflections for this post. After reading all my descriptions above, one would think I would work the room of a full-staff meeting like a champ, making sure others are feeling welcome and comfortable just as I do at home and in my classroom. However, even with a full-fledged pep talk prior to arrival, I am incapable of exuding this same welcoming atmosphere in social settings that I do at home and in my classroom. I am not by nature one to speak up or call out to others when the circumstances dictate that this is exactly what folks are supposed to do. While walking into a crowded room, I am much happier just staying in my head as I await the speaker's presentation. When I arrive at such an event, my armor goes up and the first thing I want to do is leave. This past week, as others were greeting one another and asking about summers and such, I promptly found a seat behind some folks and put my head into my notebook. It's not that I wasn't happy to see my co-workers, I was! I am just not comfortable being 'social' in that way. So my question is this: When presented with social gatherings, where is that welcoming woman who would allow anyone to enter her home or her classroom and go to great lengths to make them feel comfortable?
And so I am putting this out there in the public realm to hold myself accountable. I am challenging myself this year. I want to find that woman in all situations to which I am called. I believe there is a mindset shift that I need to make. The invitation into my home and classroom would fit into the category of hospitality; making others feel comfortable and inviting connection. I love to make connections! I am all about relationships and connections! But when it comes to just me in that expanse of people, I don't feel as hospitable. I don't believe this is due to not wanting others in. I believe it is a matter of not feeling I have much to offer in these situations. If you know your Bible, you would see that I am much more comfortable playing the role of Martha instead of Mary. When I feel busy, when I feel as if I have something to offer, in the case of my home or classroom this means hospitality, I am in my comfort zone. And so, after much reflection, I believe I need to shift my mindset to include what I would like to refer to as 'hospitality of self'; inviting others to interaction with me and making them feel comfortable while encouraging connection into myself. I never want to exclude others from myself with my quietness or my facial expressions, which are merely a sign of my discomfort, not disinterest. I want to know that my smile, my posture and my actions allow others to feel they are welcome into 'me'.
One final thought. Regarding our students, I think we need to be aware that they might also have moments where they are not feeling sharable. It is interesting as an introvert to know that while it seems perfectly acceptable for an extrovert to question the motives of an introvert; "Come on! Why don't you join in!", it is not at all acceptable for an introvert to say, "Hey can you please get out of my space and leave me alone for now?" Yet recognizing this may be how our students are feeling is an important step in allowing them to find safety in our classrooms. The more I think about it, that seems to be a ripe seed for a future post. For now, I want you to know that as long as you are willing to accept and participate in the state you find, you are welcome into my crazy home, into my active classroom and into my genuine self! How do you plan to challenge yourself to grow this year?
