Inspire Others by Telling Your Story

When something comes up over and over I figure that's my cue to bring it here to get your thoughts. Over the past week, the idea of 'bragging' by sharing accomplishments has come into my awareness at least four times. Here's the thing: in zero instances was there accusation from an outside source involved. No one was calling another out for bragging. Instead, in all instances I witnessed, the reporter of accomplishment was cautioning him or herself to not brag or boast. Actually, "cautioning" is too mild since two of these people were actually reprimanding and hushing themselves against sharing the awesome things they had achieved. This is concerning to me. When we make a difference, do our best or achieve a goal we should be able to feel proud and share the news freely with others! This is not a time to be quiet, but a time to encourage and inspire! In each instance this week, I found myself struggling to help the person who was sharing realize that it is only through the articulation of accomplishments that others can be inspired. And so, I bring the topic here for your contemplation.

First, when is sharing simply sharing? Well, I am an emulator. I like to see what others have accomplished, then consider how I can learn from their experience and use the new information to achieve my goals.  I can recall a book I read when I was pregnant with child number 4 called, Outnumbered, Raising 13 Kids with Humor and Care.  I was determined to be the best mom of my children that I could possibly be, and so I wanted to hear from moms who had done the same. Was Mary Ann Kuharski, the woman who wrote the book, bragging about what she had accomplished with her 13 children (7 biological and 6 adopted)? Not at all!  She was sharing experience so that others might learn. And learn, I did! To this day, I have relayed pieces of her story several times. My favorite was a depiction of when she was sitting in the bleachers at a football game. She was wedged between a close friend on her left and a woman with whom she had had infrequent interaction on her right. The woman on her right began lamenting how much laundry she had to do because of her two children and how she could never catch up. The author sat attentively listening, but never offered her own laundry experience. After the woman on her right departed, the author's friend expressed her incredulousness; "Why didn't you tell her how many children you have and how much laundry you must do daily?" The author's answer was that this woman's reality was her reality. The author had nothing to prove and no matter how much she had shared, this woman still had her reality to go home to. She might have been amazed, or worse felt sympathy, but neither of those reactions would have changed her perception about her circumstances. She was not ready to learn from anyone else's experience. It would have become an I-can-one-up-you conversation of boasting that is never helpful. The author's wisdom astounded me and I have carried this reminder with me ever since. Her humility was evident. She did not see her accomplishment as something to brag about. It was simply her reality.

Second, when is sharing actually bragging? My daughter who is a junior in high school is reading Beowulf, an Old English poem in which the protagonist shows signs of having a boasting problem. I am over-simplifying the classic work of course, but throughout the story, Beowulf is consistent in boasting about his greatness as a warrior. Now, it should be stated, his feats were quite impressive...but humility was certainly not one of his strongpoints. In helping Anna through the reading of this difficult piece of literature, I employed a sense of humor which lead to us both entertaining a choose-your-own ending where Beowulf meets his demise. After all, with all his bragging about his greatness, it certainly felt as though he deserved to be put in his place. If I were to try to pinpoint what made his 'sharing of greatness' cross the line into the bragging arena, I would have to say it was his lack of humility. He wasn't just telling of his epic adventures and awesome skill. He seemed to be doing so in an effort to prove his greatness and proclaim how much better he was than others. He didn't lead with a story, but instead with an attitude of "I'm better than you because...", and the impression that he felt he was the only one capable of achieving such greatness.

Can you see the difference between the author in my first example and Beowulf? Let's consider the conundrum of sharing vs. bragging. Does the difference between the two lie in: intention? perception? reception?  judgement?  humility? The answer to all of these, might just be 'Yes'. But none of that should keep us from relaying our accomplishments! We need to share all that we are doing. We need to celebrate how we are changing circumstances for the better. We cannot control how others perceive us or our deeds. We cannot help them avoid judgement or envy. We need only to help others know what is possible and we need to be proud that we have made a difference and done our best. Go ahead and share your achievements, tout your accomplishments and while you are doing so, also take time to celebrate the greatness of others. This is where humility enters. This is part of our investment in humanity! It is through this sharing that others will be inspired and know what it is they are capable of achieving or accomplishing in their lifetime!