(Lest you are a teacher of one of my children, let me be clear...THIS IS NOT ABOUT THEIR TEACHERS! You are all awesome and just what they each need this year!!!)
School generally comes easily for my children and as such, it is not teaching them much about real life. Usually they skate through their classes barely batting an eye, writing what needs writing, performing math as if it is second nature, and picking up the intricacies of science. But not this year for this child. And here's my nasty little secret: it's all just fine with me! This child has needed to have the experience of struggling, the wake-up call of challenging work and the consequences of putting things off even though you know the deadline looms. She has needed to know that struggles and challenges don't just go away because you want them to or because you chose to attempt to avoid them. She might even need to cry and get it out and feel like she is going to fail. Mean of me? maybe....but in the end, she will not only survive, she will learn a valuable lesson or two at the cost of a social studies grade. Not a bad deal. She will learn that procrastination will not get the work done. She will learn that she must read the material instead of trying to write an essay without putting in the grunt work. In the end, when we look back, she will learn that her mom stands by her even when she might not feel that my watching from the sidelines is effective support at all.
The connection I make here is to my "me-ness" over the years, dying a little in order to surrender to the potential that was inside. For our full potential to come to fruition, we are given opportunities along the way where we must put forth an effort, put the needs of others first, or put ourselves on the path of failure in order to live through that, and emerge on the other side stronger for the pain and grateful for the glory. In the end, while the glory is so wonderful to embrace, I think it is equally important to hold onto the memory of the pain. We need to recall how difficult those moments were in order to really appreciate how incredibly far we have come. So is the case for my daughter. When she starts to internalize the pain of the consequences of procrastination, she might be more apt to avoid it in the future.
You see, the pain, the struggle, the challenges are all there to be reminders for us as each new life-experience builds on the previous ones. This is even more important as teachers or parents of young children. We need to be secure in allowing them to struggle and maybe even fail. We know they will survive and even learn if we allow them to have the experience. To deprive them of the experience is to be negligent, especially when we will expect them to handle situations in the future as adults even though we have not allowed them to face struggles as children. We all need life-experiences in order to die a little, grow stronger and move closer to our full potential.
As adults we are called to so much in the way of life-challenges. Staying up all night with a teething baby only to have to go to work the next day...foregoing the concerts, vacations, dinners out, because someone in our care is not well...losing a job, a home, a family member...deadlines, expectations and missed opportunities...the list goes on. Many adults shy away from these moments, dancing around them instead of living through them, and then they wonder why life is so difficult for them. Every moment in life is training us for the next. We need not be afraid to face challenges, struggle and suffer. We need to allow our children those same opportunities...now when we are here to be their guide. Not we can, but we must. It is our obligation. After all, in the end, one cannot run mile 26 of a marathon without having run, suffered and survived the prior 25. Don't be afraid to let them fail!
