I'll leave you with that thought for a moment but don't worry, we will return to the unfolding of the scenario. The spider is a great teacher. You need only be patient and commit to the next few paragraphs.
Productive conversation was generated by the Customer Service in Education post on May 14th. I truly enjoy when a thought, a moment or an alternate way of looking at something gets folks talking to each other. This is good! This is higher order thinking put into practice by the very adults who wish to cultivate the same for their students. When a topic that has not been on our radar or was perhaps too uncomfortable to approach, comes into our educational vision, it is then that we are called to help one another process and grow. You see, it is effortless and contrary to growth and improvement to stand in an echo chamber and declare all the things that are easy to hear and pleasant to digest. It is only when we are willing to look at the words on the page or listen to our colleagues and conscience, then study our own practice to notice what it is that we need to improve, that we are able to truly mature as educators and become the best version of ourselves. The biggest obstacle to awesome is contentment in the belief that we are great. And so, let's explore.
Reacting vs. Responding: Most of what folks expressed as they reflected on how well they executed customer service in education came down to whether they reacted or responded to those with whom they came in contact. There were conversations regarding personal children and families, as well as students and colleagues. Without realizing it, almost all conversations reflected a desire to respond, rather than react, to that which is put in front of us. In order to grow from the feelings generated, we need to consider the difference between reacting and responding. And for this purpose we return to the spider...
You are sitting in a quiet elegant restaurant eating dinner with a friend when, out of the corner of your eye, you become aware of a large spider dangling from the light fixture just before it lands on your arm and begins to crawl up your sleeve toward your face. What happens next? Most likely what you do is the result of surprise and fear. You jump up banging into the table, perhaps pushing the chair back behind you. You drop anything that was in your hand, wipe ferociously at your sleeve and, embarrassingly in the quiet ambiance of the restaurant, you scream as you completely lose awareness of the spider's whereabouts. When you can't find the spider, you sit through the remainder of your meal feeling as though it is about to ambush you again. You have reacted to the presence of the spider and the outcome is a loss of control.
Now let's consider how differently this scene would play out with a response instead of a reaction. You see the spider descending and landing on your arm. You don't like spiders but knowing that you have never been killed by a spider, you rationalize that the current danger is minimal. You gently take your napkin to trap the spider (or kill it, but I can't condone such actions here since my children will be reading and some of them are all about saving the spiders). Next you excuse yourself to dispose of the spider. You have been in complete control of the situation for the duration, you know exactly where the spider is and you can sit down and enjoy the rest of your evening.
And so it is with child behavior, whether at home or at school. When we react to situations put before us, we have neglected to put thought into our actions. Our demeanor reflects a person who is completely in the moment, not exercising any reserve in choosing words carefully or any regard for the recipient of our actions. Reaction in education is counterproductive. We put such careful planning into our curriculum. We are intentional about what we hope to accomplish in any given lesson. As teachers we need to put the same amount of planning into our interactions with students, being intentional with our words and actions during the mundane as well as the high energy moments.
It is true that we cannot control all the other humans on our journey, but we can rehearse and practice how we will respond to the situations that confront us in our profession. As teachers and parents, we can practice and draw on past experience in order to respond to what our children bring our way. When our students or our own children present us with unanticipated or inconvenient comments or behaviors, we are often thrown into reaction mode. It was not what we expected, and so we don't have the script for what is in front of us. This is when Customer Service, service with a smile, is hardest to muster. But if we were to practice those situations that come up repeatedly, you know the ones that really irk us and get under our skin, then reflect and rehearse how we could best handle these situations, we would be able to consistently respond lovingly and with impeccable Customer Service.
That spider...it never intended to ruin a lovely dinner. The same is true for the children with whom we are blessed to share life's journey. We must treat them tenderly at all times, affirming their incredible potential by intentionally planning and practicing how to respond instead of react to any surprises they dangle in front of us.
