Free Imaginary T-shirt Just for Reading this Post

Like it or not, our words and actions have the power to make or break our relationships.  This is the case in our personal and public life, and multiplied in the classroom. Every utterance that we allow to leave our lips matters.  But that's not all...  Every facial expression, body stance and eye movement decorates those words in ways that tell our students just how much they mean to us.  From the moment you laid eyes on your students and welcomed them into your classroom, you have been influencing how they perceive you, your room, and their education.  And so at every moment of the day we must be intentional about what we say, how we say it, and what we use to follow it up. This might seem impossible, but just like everything else that moves us toward our true potential, with hard work and deliberate action, positive language will become a habit.

OK, now I'm going to stoke the fire a little.  As you read along, please keep reminding yourself there is no judgement here!  None at all...not of me, not of you.  We are all in this together and we must face the uncomfortable and name it out loud in order to grow. (Harry Potter fans can think: the power of "Voldemort".)

So here we go:  Deep breath:  Raise your hand if you've said or heard these types of statements:

• How can you possibly still not know what to do? I've given the directions three times.

• My class last year was able to _________, I don't know why you can't.

• Why aren't you paying attention?

This small sampling of negative comments is meant to get your mind working a little. Negative talk is a reality...it happens,  But why?  Some might say that the underlying message in all of these statements is,  "You are not living up to my expectations and therefore there is something wrong with you."  It is certainly plausible that children might interpret these statements as a judgement on their abilities.  I believe we need to take it one step further.  In statements such as these, I also hear frustration from the speaker that one's own expectations are not being met.

The "why" of our negative talk is important, because it is only through naming our "why" that we can pinpoint a solution.  I am willing to wager that most of the time negative talk falls out of the mouth of an educator, the ego is wrapped up in the preceding event. Sometimes, there is the feeling that the child's behavior is intentionally directed at the speaker. "Clearly they are trying to make me upset, and that makes me frustrated and angry."  That is our ego talking.  For the most part, child behavior has nothing to do with you.  I know it is hard to see it that way...it is wrapped up in layers of personal feelings, but if we truly want to build relationships, we need to leave our egos in the parking lot. Every time we as teachers utter something negative, roll our eyes, sigh, etc...we destroy a little bit of the relationship we worked so hard to create. Student inability to perform a task, whether academic or behavioral, is not a personal affront.  And when we embrace that understanding, we are able to move forward with solutions that build relationships.

Children need to trust us.  They also need to know we trust them.  They need to know that we love them unconditionally.  I believe with all my heart that the very least we can do is make sure we are speaking respectfully to them every moment of every day.  And so with that goal in mind, let's pretend that we are getting teacher shirts made.  When we put on our imaginary shirts tomorrow and pass one another in the hallway, let's all see these messages:

• on the front the shirts say, "I Teach By My Example" and 

• on the back they say, "I Always Communicate with Kindness and Compassion" 

What do you think? There is no negative talk when we are wearing our shirts.  Considering their message, that would just look silly.  I'm up for the challenge! Let's wear our shirts with the integrity of teachers who are intent on building up our students and our relationships.