Weekend Post: Reader Request: How Can You Foster?

In getting to know people I have come to realize that certain aspects of the Maccaroni life are intriguing just by the nature of who we are.  To us, living our "us" just is...we are who we are, and we go about doing what we do, just because. I tried to think of clever ways to introduce today's post but really, it is just an answer to a question that often comes our way:

 "How can you foster?"

There are various reasons for well-meaning folks to ask this question, and a few reasons for not-so-well-meaning folks to ask it.  The later is not my problem, but the former is the gist of this post.

1. Often the speaker is asking to understand how it is possible to take a child in only to give it away to someone else.  Don't the kids and I love the babies put into our care?  If so, how can we possibly not get attached and instead plan to give them away?   
2. Sometimes the speaker is implying that having five children and a full time job should already take more of my time than I am willing to give.  Allowing another child to enter the chaos seems overwhelming.  
3. And finally, I think there are some people who are genuinely frightened by the idea of the Foster Care System, and they don't understand why anyone would invite this structured drama into their lives.  

These are all credible concerns, and the short answers are that:

1. Yes, we do love the children put into our care, more than we ever dreamed possible.  We do get attached since that is of utmost importance for a child who is abandoned or otherwise separated from her parents.  And finally, of course we grieve as each child leaves our home.  Over their time with us, they become part of our family. But the grieving though painful, is bearable because we have the love of each other to see us through the tremendous loss suffered, and the belief that we are following a calling.
2. Yes, we have a busy life, but adding another child to a life that is already child centered is like adding another fish to the pond...it fits just fine. When I was home with my children, babies fit perfectly into my diaper table life.  Our home is still open for infants, and the struggle to make them fit into our present-day life is immense, but not impossible.  I'll share more on that below.
3. And Yes, the Foster Care System operates in a way that is challenging and trying on the patience to say the least, but any child who needs us is worth the struggle of working with the system.  For us to deny a foster child sharing our home and love because I don't want to deal with the paperwork or politics seems petty.

You see, the answer to all of these and any other meanings behind the question, "How can you foster?" is simple.  To understand it, we need to stop overthinking things because sometimes it behooves us to accept something for the simplicity it offers. Perhaps to best answer the question above, I need to ask you to close your eyes and answer a simple question of my own:

 "What do you think a child in foster care needs more than anything?"

The answer I believe in all of the many circumstances surrounding foster children is, A Loving Family.  Well, of the few things the Maccaroni family can easily offer, the few things we have in abundance, love is at the top of the list.  We don't have money...that's for sure. And time to spend outside of family life is minimal at best. We really don't even have a large home to offer individual space.  But what we have is exactly what a child in crisis needs; siblings who will play, feed or snuggle and a mom who patiently guides the family (including foster siblings) to understand that some days will be better than others but as long as we have each other, love will see us through.

And so you see, for us to not open our door to offer what we have been so abundantly blessed to possess is not an option.  It really is that simple.

I know that this answer will not quell the questions many of you still have.  To many, it seems excessive to add a child to an already busy household. And if I am honest, last year when we opened our home to our first foster baby since I began working again full time, it was an unprecedented trial.  We needed to incorporate an infant into our lives where an infant no longer easily fit. We welcomed her adoptive parents into our home each day for about a month while we all went to school, then we stayed up nights with her because well, she was a newborn!  It was challenging for sure!  But in the end, not one of us would have traded getting to know this little baby for anything, and certainly not just for more sleep! She was a gift and brought joy to our home.  Our lives are forever touched by knowing her and her adoptive family.  We went to her adoption celebration and look forward to watching her grow up...all because we were willing to share our home and our family.

To leave you, I will attach two articles I wrote that were published in America Magazine and Plough Magazine. The articles depict two of our foster care experiences, and shed light on this part of the Maccaroni life. The little girl in the first article is now 7.  We keep in touch with her and her adoptive mom, seeing them every couple years.  The little boy in the second article passed away about a year and a half ago due to complications from his ailments described in the article.  But he died in the arms of his beautiful, loving adoptive parents. Nothing can replace these experiences in the life of my family.  We are better people for having spent part of our lives with these children and we are changed forever because they came into our hearts.

Last November we began the process of opening our home for school aged children but are presently taking time to discern this undertaking.  I welcome your questions about foster care for I believe there is no reason any child should not know the security of a loving family...even if just for a chapter of their childhood.  We know that we as a family are forever changed; my mom-heart is forever grateful for the part of it I gave to each child and my children are forever beautifully touched by the foster siblings they welcomed into their hearts.  We will never be the same and that is a gift!

Foster Parent Finds Grace in Letting Go

An Ambassador for Life