Intrusive Homework Disorder...IHD

Disorder: an illness or condition that disrupts normal physical or mental functions.

Would you believe my daughter informed me yesterday that her teacher already told her that she will have homework over the Winter break!  Hold me back!!! There are so many ways my mind wants to go with this post!!! So hold on tight and whether or not you are a proponent of homework, you need to read on.

First I know there will be those questioning, "Students will have 10, 11 or even 12 days of break. Are you telling me they can't fit in homework during that time?" After all, it only takes a couple hours to do homework and we have days! Sounds reasonable and not at all egregious. Can they 'fit it in'?  of course. But I am here to tell you...look at that strong word I used there, "tell"...not suggest, ask or posit...I am here to tell you, having the time to do the work is not the point!

The point is that if I have something I need to do, I am feeling the anxiety, worry and planning associated with that task. That is NOT a break!  And if I have something that needs doing, even if I do it right when I get home from school, it is still infringing on the hard earned time away. But I am already digressing....let me get back on track lest you think this post is just going to go through the list of positives and negatives of homework. The only point I have to make in this post will put the kibosh on any other argument one might present for giving homework over a long break. ("Training them for college" anyone?...wrong!....my son just got home Thursday night from college...no homework, just saying)

I will stop playing and digressing now, I promise. This is serious.

Here is my main point, and you need to hear it loud and clear. We live in a time when we have forgotten to take our own care seriously. "Self-care" is an actual thing now, not a natural tendency as it should be. Even the most primitive animals have the natural tendency toward self-preservation, but not us anymore. We have to implicitly teach 'coping with stress', 'strategies for organizing' and 'deliberate self-care'. As teachers we must provide "brain breaks", we need to teach "mindfulness", we need to remember to eat right and exercise.  How is it possible that we have forgotten how to 'do' the most natural of tasks, taking care of ourselves? Self-preservation is in our natural make-up, yet somehow we have forgotten how to practice it!  That is insane! But I know how it happened...I know the reason.

Intrusive Homework Disorder, or IHD, is a result of years of schooling where we have foregone the natural tendency of humans to take a break from the stresses of school in the name of homework. We have taught nature right out of our kids. We ourselves, the adults of the 21st Century, are the product of the early stages of IHD. We need classes and tutorials and Ten Step Plans regarding self-care because in the name of teaching responsibility, we have untaught self-preservation. In a time when we need to teach people to "do" self-care, we have a lot of nerve suggesting the teaching benefits of homework. Do you see what it is teaching when we don't allow people to have the break that is necessary to come back refreshed?  We are teaching that the 'self' does not, in fact, matter, and the 'self' certainly does not come first.

There is nothing, NOTHING, that we teach in our curriculum that students need to 'work on' over a break.

In case you missed it:  N-O-T-H-I-N-G!!!

Please don't be a perpetuator of a poor practice! Students need to take a break from all the stresses and reminders of school. And by the way, the same goes for you!  In case you are one of the casualties of IHD, here is your permission to take a break over break. Sounds insane, right, that someone should need to permit you to take a break, but the symptoms of IHD are pervasive. Together we can work through and defeat this disorder. In case you are so far gone that you have completely forgotten, a break is time to leave the work behind. It is time to enjoy the people put in your immediate vicinity to the greatest extent possible. While you are taking the break from work, you might want to consider a break from the other things that keep you from fully enjoying those you love: worry, devices, self-pity, etc...you can do it. You might need to train yourself, old habits are hard to extinguish, but the good news is that the effects of IHD are reversable. Once you feel the freedom, you will be stronger to resist its hold on you. You deserve a break! You need a break! Your students and personal children need to learn from your example of taking a break! The Road to Recovery is paved with happiness. Together we can do it!

A side note: This is one of those posts that regardless of how many times I reread it, I still am not quite sure how much of it is in jest, and how much of it I feel so strongly that I want to scream.  You can decide.  Thanks for reading!  D.

Allow the Experience of Struggle

Confession: I just took my daughter's social studies study guide, crumpled it up and threw it in the trash can. Two points for my clean shot from across the dining room. I do believe I saw that in a parenting book somewhere. It would have been the chapter about surviving the teen years, or perhaps the one on how to proceed through them without needing psychiatric care in the end. You see, my daughter who shall remain anonymous, has been crying for about an hour now.  Heck, she's been crying for a full month, about how unfair her teachers are and how hard school is. The actual list of complaints is much longer but generally speaking, when the tirade begins, the other three girls and I run for the hills. But tonight, I just couldn't stay away as the tearful rant went on about how she is just going to fail because it's so unfair, and how she doesn't understand ANYTHING! Don't get me wrong. I feel for her. It sucks to feel unprepared and to have no other course but to head for the very thing that is causing your angst. I get it! But it is also the path she has created for herself, and so the path she must take. It is certainly the best shot we have right now at having her learn to not procrastinate and instead put in the time necessary in order to understand challenging material.

(Lest you are a teacher of one of my children, let me be clear...THIS IS NOT ABOUT THEIR TEACHERS! You are all awesome and just what they each need this year!!!)

School generally comes easily for my children and as such, it is not teaching them much about real life. Usually they skate through their classes barely batting an eye, writing what needs writing, performing math as if it is second nature, and picking up the intricacies of science.  But not this year for this child. And here's my nasty little secret: it's all just fine with me! This child has needed to have the experience of struggling, the wake-up call of challenging work and the consequences of putting things off even though you know the deadline looms. She has needed to know that struggles and challenges don't just go away because you want them to or because you chose to attempt to avoid them. She might even need to cry and get it out and feel like she is going to fail. Mean of me?  maybe....but in the end, she will not only survive, she will learn a valuable lesson or two at the cost of a social studies grade. Not a bad deal. She will learn that procrastination will not get the work done. She will learn that she must read the material instead of trying to write an essay without putting in the grunt work. In the end, when we look back, she will learn that her mom stands by her even when she might not feel that my watching from the sidelines is effective support at all.

The connection I make here is to my "me-ness" over the years, dying a little in order to surrender to the potential that was inside. For our full potential to come to fruition, we are given opportunities along the way where we must put forth an effort, put the needs of others first, or put ourselves on the path of failure in order to live through that, and emerge on the other side stronger for the pain and grateful for the glory.  In the end, while the glory is so wonderful to embrace, I think it is equally important to hold onto the memory of the pain. We need to recall how difficult those moments were in order to really appreciate how incredibly far we have come. So is the case for my daughter. When she starts to internalize the pain of the consequences of procrastination, she might be more apt to avoid it in the future.

You see, the pain, the struggle, the challenges are all there to be reminders for us as each new life-experience builds on the previous ones. This is even more important as teachers or parents of young children. We need to be secure in allowing them to struggle and maybe even fail. We know they will survive and even learn if we allow them to have the experience. To deprive them of the experience is to be negligent, especially when we will expect them to handle situations in the future as adults even though we have not allowed them to face struggles as children. We all need life-experiences in order to die a little, grow stronger and move closer to our full potential. 

As adults we are called to so much in the way of life-challenges. Staying up all night with a teething baby only to have to go to work the next day...foregoing the concerts, vacations, dinners out, because someone in our care is not well...losing a job, a home, a family member...deadlines, expectations and missed opportunities...the list goes on. Many adults shy away from these moments, dancing around them instead of living through them, and then they wonder why life is so difficult for them. Every moment in life is training us for the next. We need not be afraid to face challenges, struggle and suffer. We need to allow our children those same opportunities...now when we are here to be their guide. Not we can, but we must. It is our obligation.  After all, in the end, one cannot run mile 26 of a marathon without having run, suffered and survived the prior 25. Don't be afraid to let them fail!

Confronting the Flat Tires...You With Me?

One of the gifts of this writing endeavor has been watching and witnessing what others garner from the sharing of my thoughts and how the different pieces of each post affect people. To be sure, each post consists of several directions in which the reader can be taken, and when others comment to me either on here, on social media, by direct message or in person, I am often taken aback by the new perspective they bring into view. I welcome any and all comments and truly enjoy learning from what others have to say. This idea brings my mind to a conversation my daughter and I often have when she questions whether or not various authors of the classics ever truly intended to invite the interpretations that 'literature authorities' have instituted. We don't ever arrive at a definitive answer, but we are always amazed at how varying perspectives bring new insights to light.

The impetus for this post, however, is not the sharing of comments that have made their way to my inbox or airwaves. The reason I am writing this post is because of the comments that have yet to make their way; the comments that challenge and disagree. You see, as of yet, (this is post #49) no one has disagreed with me or challenged my points or thinking. No one has said, "I think you are wrong in your interpretation. I see it differently." And this makes me think that instead of staying within the comfort of like-minded people,  my words need to get out there and be more widespread. It's not that I want the strife, in fact I don't really like confrontation at all, but consider it this way...if a tire is flat, it effects the whole car, right? The next step, however is not to go and tend one of the tires that is working just fine, it's to change the affected tire.

Well the vehicle of education has some flat tires, and I know they are not reading my blog or I would have heard from them by now. At the end of an awesome morning of learning at #EdCampTIC a few weeks ago, the comment was made that those in attendance might not be the ones needing the messages we shared all morning. The organizer made the point, an invitation really, that we now need to go out and spread the word. You see, the "Echo Chamber" effect is two fold...it helps those who are wrong to perpetuate their ignorance, but it also keeps those with insight closed in and safe from controversy...neither is beneficial to the greater good. This summons is one that keeps ringing in my head and took root in my heart and it dares me to get out there and spread the word. Not only to those who will agree, but also to those who will most certainly feel contrary. What word, exactly?

Well...this should be said in all corners of our communities...

Teachers are amazing people who give of themselves on a daily basis. When we talk of proper wages for a teacher, no such thing exists. Teachers don't work 40 hour weeks, they work non-stop. There is no proper compensation for the time, effort, emotion and generosity of self that is 'teaching' and so we need to appreciate them for all they do.

or... how about this for our teachers and parents...

Until parents and teachers enter the playing field on the same team, our children will never reach their full potential. We need to stop judging and start seeing one another, not as adversaries but as peers. This means respecting one another, no gossip about one another and meeting each other face-to-face to discuss how to best help each child.

maybe even... this word should get out beyond our circle of like-minded peers...

If you are treating students and education like you did when you started teaching twenty years ago, fifteen years ago, ten years ago, or even just last year, because that is how it was always done, you are missing the priority in modern education...making true, meaningful and intimate relationships with students. And if you think it's not your job to get to know the students or enter into relationship with them, then perhaps you should not be in the teaching arena at all.

So, as I hit the button to publish Post #49, I do so with anticipation of the next milestone post and the ones to follow. I think it is time...time to get the word out of our comfortable little world of working tires to the land of flat tires; to the people in need of some new ideas and perspectives. I'm sure they have something to teach us as well, but we'll never know if we don't go find them. Let's get folks thinking in new ways about education, children and how we treat others. I'm glad you all have been here with me so far. Thank you for reading my mind for 49 posts...as soon as I hit the 'publish' button, #50 will be underway.  You sticking with me? I hope so!

Current Grade is an F...How does that feel?

I'm taking a break from posting grades and writing progress reports. You might correctly guess that as I describe the progress of my students, I am in my element and the words flow freely. This is certainly true enough. However, planted at my kitchen table with my coffee growing cold and the cookies on the shelf beckoning me to eat just one more, I find myself somewhat amazed at my inability to exude nonchalance as I record my students' progress. I mean, the comments are based on their performance and collected objective data, right? So they get what they've earned, end of story. It should be easy. Instead as I look at my checklist of students and the information I still need to convey, I know that I have much discerning left to do. As much as I wish that I could go through the list and just get it done; say it as it is, check it off, and move on; I sit here moored in my chair unable to report my assessment of their performance without considering the severity of the situation.

Students who play school well are easy to assess and a pleasure to 'critique'.  Those reports practically write themselves. But the reports of students for whom school is a challenge, progress is not so easily reported. I can't help but ponder that if I were being assessed, I would want the writer to be ultimately and completely focused on the words they were using. I would want them to choose cautiously the words to describe my performance thus far, bearing in mind how I will receive the information. I'd hope they would consider even more, how my guardians will receive it, and then find a positive way in which to convey something that I have done correctly instead of listing all my shortcomings. Am I overthinking it? Maybe. Should I just assign comments and move on? I wish I could...but I can't.

What if I were to be judged quarterly, my shortcomings described concisely from a bank of generic statements available in our grade-generating program. This list of comments was created by compiling words written by teachers to describe student performance. It includes many positive statements, but it also includes negative ones such as:

• "Disruptive in class." 
• "Lacks effort and seriousness of purpose." 
• "Does not work well with others." 
• "Inattentive during class." 
• "Needs to raise standards for learning and performance." 
• "Needs to understand the relevance of the subject matter."
• "Current grade is an F." 

OUCH! Oh my! Those written comments are permanent and painful. They become part of the picture, carved and etched into the landscape that this student and I will share for the remainder of the school year, for better or worse. What would I feel as a struggling student as I read the comments left for me on my report card? How would I feel as I shared the comments with my mother and father? Would such comments help me to improve my school behavior or cause me to become withdrawn, defensive or accusatory? I can actually hear my mind laying down its defense:  "Well, that teacher...blah, blah, blah..."

So yes, as I write my reports and make my comments for student progress, perhaps it is a fault in another direction, but I tend to keep using positive intonation and verbiage, no matter how difficult.  I find the positive, and YES there is always something positive, to put in the archives of each student's bank of achievements. I prefer to put into print that which I would want etched into my mind and heart, for those are the words that would carry me further. Those are the words that will build a foundation upon which the student and I can stand in order to see more clearly how best to approach the items in need of attention and adjustment. Those other items, the ones eliciting the ugly comments inventoried above, can be shared verbally, worked on, and then as the student and I figure them out together with parents that feel they are part of the same team, they can be archived as improvements. If children are struggling, should the challenges be reported? Absolutely. Just not without a conversation. Only after talking with parents should a follow-up comment such as, "Together we will work to increase student attention." or, "Together we will address student purpose and effort." or, "Together we will improve student's preparedness." be stated. Yes, struggles must be documented, but as a plan that will be drawn up and confronted together so that next term I might be able to write, "Student shows improvement." Then there will be reason to celebrate!

Drop the 'tude...

This is my daughter's list to follow upon getting ready for school every morning. It is all in her handwriting, though the last line could as easily have been an add-on by yours truly.  Proof that she has been listening and learning all these years?  You bet! "Drop the 'tude" is a line that we live by in the Maccaroni house. By "dropping the 'tude", we open ourselves up to positive experiences as well as to all the wonderful that comes our way regardless of where we are.

Last week I had the honor of leading two incredible groups of educators through a professional development session that I entitled, "Meeting the Educational Needs of Children Living in Challenging Home Structures". During our time together, we defined the plethora of challenging/stressful home structures our students encounter, compared these student experiences with our own and then listed the special needs we must consider when engaging and teaching children who spend time in challenging home environments. We focused on children of divorce, single-parents, homelessness, poverty and dysfunction. It was an enlightening, if not disheartening session that culminated in a few ideas for heading into the classroom this week with a positive outlook and new demeanor. And it is there that I wish to focus this post. For as simplistic as it may seem, I believe everything we decide to do with and for our students must start by us "dropping the 'tude" of negativity and adopting an attitude of kindness and optimism.

ATTITUDE

This simple word as an answer to the many challenges faced by our children? Absolutely! In fact, a positive attitude from a teacher might be the only positive some students get to enjoy each day. To drive my point home with participants, I highlighted conversations I had with my children and students regarding attendance at Professional Development. After my own children told me that some teachers were stating how they were dreading that we had to attend PD on Wednesday, I decided to ask around a bit. Without fail, the children I asked stated in one way or another that some teachers described PD as "a waste of time". Teachers were painting a very negative view of the upcoming PD day, and therefore without even realizing it, they were creating a negative view of teaching and learning. Putting my own bias aside and trying not to feel offended (I generally teach PD), I tried to unpack these comments. I stated the importance of framing learning in a positive light...At all times...In all ways.  At every turn we should be touting our craft, honing our skills and bragging about how awesome it is to be in the classroom, whether teaching or learning. Don't we want our children to want to learn??? Imagine a car salesman speaking ill of the car he sells...My belief is if you don't believe in what you are doing, then it is time to move on, sell a different car, OR get busy making things better! In other words, "Drop the 'tude".

Adopting a positive 'tude at PD

And so, there it is...every positive day begins with the right attitude!  I never attend a PD session  without walking away with something new. Never. Not because every PD is enthralling and filled with useful ideas to start right away, but because if I am not presented with new information, then I am instead analyzing how presentations are prepared, I am networking with colleagues or I am digging deeper to find the seed that is hidden so that I might grow in some way. I simply refuse to not learn! That is an attitude!  And that is how I teach my children and my students to approach each day. And if teaching only happens when learning occurs, then in my classroom, one might say that I simply refuse to not teach! In every day, in every lesson, in every situation, there is something for students or teachers to learn.  It is all about attitude!  And in order to maintain a positive attitude, perhaps daily we need to remind ourselves as my daughter does to "Drop the 'tude" of negativity. Before you leave tomorrow, follow my 16 year old's advice and "Drop the 'tude". Arrive at school ready to greet your students with the attitude of "I have something great to sell! Come on in and let's unpack it together! Learning is awesome and I'm ready if you are!"

Sharing My Struggles: An Invitation to Growth and Gratitude

Here I am on the evening of the first day of November 2019. After two weeks of whoa-is-me-ing, I am here to publish a deliberate choice. I plan to find the sandbar upon which I can stand to lift my head above the waves in order to take a much needed gulp of air. The past couple of weeks have been demanding in many aspects of my life. School has been full of challenges that have made me question the level of attention I gave to my college classes all those years ago. My own children have been presented with incredible obstacles. And my community has had challenges which have made my heart heavy and given me pause as to what more I need to do to demonstrate love and acceptance. I have been working to maintain optimism on all fronts while feeling completely inept at my attempts. Yes, Eeyore has planted himself in my mind and heart, and as much as he is a lovable character in The Hundred Acre Wood, he has no place in a heart that needs to be busy living life with intention!

I think we all know it is not while we are cruising along the smooth and easy path, but indeed when we hit the inevitable potholes yet keep our cart on the road, that we grow. As one constantly seeking the call to growth, I am quite surprised and perplexed duirng these odd times when I begin to retreat and shy away from the challenges with which I am presented. Aware that this is not my norm, I also know that it is generally an indication that I need to take inventory of those around me: for if I am feeling frustrated, I know that others around me are likely feeling the same. This means it is time for me to admit my struggles, verbalize my lack of confidence and share that I too have Eeyore moments. Inevitably when I step back and reflect, pausing to accept where I must grow, my blessings come into full focus, so much so that I question what I was thinking as I trudged through my days without my drive and enthusiasm.

First: What's been going on these past few weeks?  Well...

     ...I could not seem to adequately help the students with whom I am blessed to share this year. They are beautiful people, and when I consider the scenario in full, it is not less but more time that I wish I could have with them. They are beautifully unique people with new needs being revealed each day. It is a privilege to work and learn with them. It is in the letting go of the desire to chart progress by curricular territory covered, that I am discovering how I can best help them to learn about the many aspects of life.

     ...my own children, with all their teenage 'tudes, are ironically the very anchors I need to moor the boat their actions set afloat. They are deep in Algebra, Honors Geometry, Physics and Modern World Civilization. They are finishing up and lamenting the Field Hockey and Fall Cheer seasons. They are drumming and playing viola. And one is five weeks away from completing the first semester of college: by far, the fastest multi-thousand dollar expense I ever have encountered! They want to go out on school nights and to the diner after dances. They know better than to ask mom for one more thing, but do it anyway in the hope that her saying "yes" will outweigh the discomfort felt when she mentions how tired she is.

     ...and then there is me...in all of this, where am I?  Well, I am not proud of it, but it is only in sharing the messy that we can truly confront our fears and struggles in order to learn from each other. I have been seeking refuge, falling asleep earlier and earlier in an attempt to be done with my days. I have been sleeping to the final possible responsible minute in the morning instead of my normal practice of springing out of bed ready to conquer the day. I have been neglecting my journal and foregoing my (serious) exercise. Because I have been way too busy feeling sorry for myself and thinking this life is impossible, I have even contemplated giving up on the service I enjoy so much. This is not OK! This is not me!

And second: since I am not one to allow more than a few days of 'whoa-is-me' time...

….it stops here!  It is Friday night, November 1st. It is a new beginning. It is a time of appreciation for all that is wonderful, including all the struggles mentioned above. Blessings, all of it! No doubt about it!

Will I look back and long for being up with my daughter until midnight trying to explain Physics? Nope! But I will reminisce about how she wrote to me in our shared journal in order to try to express her frustration, let me know that she really is trying and implore me to be more careful with my words toward her. 

Will I someday pause and wish for the days back when I was worrying about all the debt I am sure to incur with five kids pursuing their educational dreams? Nope. But I will think back to the excitement my son expressed after performing in his first college concert. 

And will I look back and wish for these days when this class of students had me questioing whether or not I am qualified to teach them? Nope. But I will look back and recall how amazingly excited those students were when they heard their voices recorded in service to others; amazed at their accomplishment.

As I sit here writing, my children are reminiscing among themselves. They are laughing about injuries they've incurred due to interpersonal sibling communication and behavioral indiscretions. They are one-upping each other talking about dangerous invented games that were banned by the parental unit. They are even bringing up times when one or another of them made mom mad, so mad that she....ahem... The fact that they have these moments to remember is precious in itself. They have each other, we have our family. I have a classroom with beautiful students and a school community with incredible co-workers and friends. I can learn while those around me teach me just how much I am capable of growing and stretching. Yes, I am blessed!  And I plan to enter November with a grateful heart and clear mind, knowing that I am right where I am meant to be, doing what I am meant to be doing, loving as I was meant to be loving: Living with intention, enthusiasm and a love for all that life brings. I hope you'll join me! Step aside, Eeyore...we have work to do!

I Never Learn a Thing While I'm Talking

Can't deny the relation.

Anyone who knows us knows that my kids and I are truly cuts of the same cloth. They are constantly told they look like me, they have mannerisms that mimic mine and they even possess the kindness of heart that is indicative of the Maccaroni name. (Unfortunately none of them have yet to realize that they are runners, but there is still time.) Yes, there is no denying their roots and this was recently emphasized once more through a string of e-mails between my two older daughters' teachers and me.

This week, since I had been unable to attend our high school's Back to School Night a few weeks ago, I e-mailed all of my daughters' teachers to introduce myself, express my extreme gratitude for their efforts, and offer my support wherever needed. Toward the end of my e-mail, I implored teachers to let me know if there is ever any concern of any type with my children in their class or anywhere at all. The message I hoped to convey is that we are in this together. I believe that the teachers of my children are my eyes on their day, and it is through this close relationship that we can help my children make the most of these formative school years.

Some teachers did not reply, and that is just fine. They know I am here and they know where to find me if needed. Of the teachers that did reply, the overall theme was evident. My children are quiet. To quote one teacher:

"It is my hope that as she becomes more comfortable, she will talk more in class."

Ha! Good luck with that!  This appears to be just another of the traits that have been passed along to my children, for better or worse.  I am 48 years old and people are still asking me to verbally contribute more at meetings, at professional development and at social gatherings. And it would seem this penchant for quiet has been in my family longer still since one of the things I recall from my father's funeral back in 1985 was his best friend saying:

"Randy never said much, but when he did open his mouth to talk, everyone would stop to listen."

And so this week as the e-mails came in expressing concern over the pensive nature of my children, I was drawn to re-notice the sign I have on my classroom door: my reminder to keep my mouth shut in order to allow others to teach me.

"My first rule of conversation is this: I never learn a thing while I'm talking."

This goes for every situation that involves conversation.  If I need to know what caused a student to behave in a certain way....if I am speaking with a parent about how to best help their child in my class....if I am collaborating with my colleague on best practice....if I am at a book discussion, PD session or lecture....you get the picture. Whenever words are involved, I can only truly learn when I allow others to speak. Yes, it is a give and take, but there are times when being quiet is the best way to contribute to a dialogue.

Perhaps we all need to take a step back and give this some thought...not just for ourselves as adults, but for the children with whom we are blessed to learn.  Perhaps, just maybe, my children and I do need to speak up more. But perhaps, just the same, some teachers and students would benefit from not talking as much. Those who tend to talk the most might benefit from quietly enjoying what others have to contribute. All might benefit from some silence as well, for it is in the silence that we can gather our thoughts and make sense of our world. And in the end, appreciating the contributions, verbal and silence, of each other in this arena of airwaves might help us all to find our voice, learn from one another and create the balance necessary to reap the benefits of a society that listens as much as it talks.

Inspire Others by Telling Your Story

When something comes up over and over I figure that's my cue to bring it here to get your thoughts. Over the past week, the idea of 'bragging' by sharing accomplishments has come into my awareness at least four times. Here's the thing: in zero instances was there accusation from an outside source involved. No one was calling another out for bragging. Instead, in all instances I witnessed, the reporter of accomplishment was cautioning him or herself to not brag or boast. Actually, "cautioning" is too mild since two of these people were actually reprimanding and hushing themselves against sharing the awesome things they had achieved. This is concerning to me. When we make a difference, do our best or achieve a goal we should be able to feel proud and share the news freely with others! This is not a time to be quiet, but a time to encourage and inspire! In each instance this week, I found myself struggling to help the person who was sharing realize that it is only through the articulation of accomplishments that others can be inspired. And so, I bring the topic here for your contemplation.

First, when is sharing simply sharing? Well, I am an emulator. I like to see what others have accomplished, then consider how I can learn from their experience and use the new information to achieve my goals.  I can recall a book I read when I was pregnant with child number 4 called, Outnumbered, Raising 13 Kids with Humor and Care.  I was determined to be the best mom of my children that I could possibly be, and so I wanted to hear from moms who had done the same. Was Mary Ann Kuharski, the woman who wrote the book, bragging about what she had accomplished with her 13 children (7 biological and 6 adopted)? Not at all!  She was sharing experience so that others might learn. And learn, I did! To this day, I have relayed pieces of her story several times. My favorite was a depiction of when she was sitting in the bleachers at a football game. She was wedged between a close friend on her left and a woman with whom she had had infrequent interaction on her right. The woman on her right began lamenting how much laundry she had to do because of her two children and how she could never catch up. The author sat attentively listening, but never offered her own laundry experience. After the woman on her right departed, the author's friend expressed her incredulousness; "Why didn't you tell her how many children you have and how much laundry you must do daily?" The author's answer was that this woman's reality was her reality. The author had nothing to prove and no matter how much she had shared, this woman still had her reality to go home to. She might have been amazed, or worse felt sympathy, but neither of those reactions would have changed her perception about her circumstances. She was not ready to learn from anyone else's experience. It would have become an I-can-one-up-you conversation of boasting that is never helpful. The author's wisdom astounded me and I have carried this reminder with me ever since. Her humility was evident. She did not see her accomplishment as something to brag about. It was simply her reality.

Second, when is sharing actually bragging? My daughter who is a junior in high school is reading Beowulf, an Old English poem in which the protagonist shows signs of having a boasting problem. I am over-simplifying the classic work of course, but throughout the story, Beowulf is consistent in boasting about his greatness as a warrior. Now, it should be stated, his feats were quite impressive...but humility was certainly not one of his strongpoints. In helping Anna through the reading of this difficult piece of literature, I employed a sense of humor which lead to us both entertaining a choose-your-own ending where Beowulf meets his demise. After all, with all his bragging about his greatness, it certainly felt as though he deserved to be put in his place. If I were to try to pinpoint what made his 'sharing of greatness' cross the line into the bragging arena, I would have to say it was his lack of humility. He wasn't just telling of his epic adventures and awesome skill. He seemed to be doing so in an effort to prove his greatness and proclaim how much better he was than others. He didn't lead with a story, but instead with an attitude of "I'm better than you because...", and the impression that he felt he was the only one capable of achieving such greatness.

Can you see the difference between the author in my first example and Beowulf? Let's consider the conundrum of sharing vs. bragging. Does the difference between the two lie in: intention? perception? reception?  judgement?  humility? The answer to all of these, might just be 'Yes'. But none of that should keep us from relaying our accomplishments! We need to share all that we are doing. We need to celebrate how we are changing circumstances for the better. We cannot control how others perceive us or our deeds. We cannot help them avoid judgement or envy. We need only to help others know what is possible and we need to be proud that we have made a difference and done our best. Go ahead and share your achievements, tout your accomplishments and while you are doing so, also take time to celebrate the greatness of others. This is where humility enters. This is part of our investment in humanity! It is through this sharing that others will be inspired and know what it is they are capable of achieving or accomplishing in their lifetime!

Experience is the Catalyst for Empathy

Are you a middle or high school teacher who wonders why kids seem discombobulated when they arrive for class? As a teacher do you find it frustrating that those in other professions pass judgement on you for using your time off to relax? Do you question why your students can't focus or why they resist the denial of phone use in school? If you answered "yes" to any of these questions consider the title of this post and enjoy where the words below invite you to go. When we allow ourselves to experience what others experience we are able to empathize with them in a way that is otherwise nearly impossible.

This post's assembly took longer than usual because it was something that needed to be knocked around my mind like a pinball, dismantled beyond the point of recognition, studied from various angles only to continue to cause me to question its validity. The writing of this post started in June with an all-nighter and took many turns along the way. Its creation involved a paralegal and in the end, it will suggest a daily trip down a crowded hallway and a Device Deprivation Double Dog Dare. Yes, this is going to be one unique read, and it all starts with that simple statement:

Experience is the Catalyst for Empathy...

First, the All-Nighter:  Last June I had the opportunity to assist with Project Graduation, an overnight event held in our high school with the intention of providing graduating seniors a safe place to party and celebrate. As a volunteer I was assigned to various stations throughout the night. Along with a school colleague and several parents, I stayed for the duration of the event. Then after arriving home about 5:45am, I showered before attending the final day of school. You younger teachers might be thinking, "What's the big deal?". Let me just say, at 48 years-old this was quite an undertaking. But let me be clear. I don't regret it one bit! The experience helped me to begin this quest for understanding. It started me on the path to figure out if empathy requires experience. You see, staying up all night allowed me to feel what I am sure countless teens feel after staying up all night to text, play games and just be the night owls their bodies tell them to be. And while I don't condone their sleeping habits, at least now I understand what those habits create for them during the school day. On that last day of school my stomach hurt, my patience waned and my ability to think quickly and respond reasonably was limited. From this experience I gained empathy for the teens I teach, as well as the ones that I parent, who have difficulty finding adequate sleep on a regular basis. 

Next while we as teachers struggle to help others understand the intensity of our jobs, our explanations repeatedly fall short of breeding empathy and drift away as nonsense without taking root. Why? The answer is simple and I am incredulous as to why it never hit me before. To adequately describe the experience of being a teacher is impossible. Instead we need to invite others to spend a day; not an hour or a class period, but an entire day in our shoes. 

On September 11, my neighbor and friend was allowed this very experience in our school. As a paralegal in NYC, he took a "day off" from work to speak to our students about his experiences on that day in 2001. In the end, the students were not the only ones given a new perspective. Leaving his daily commute to NYC behind for a day in order to tell his story to middle school students every period for 7 periods, he was rewarded with a newfound appreciation for the world of education and the folks who serve children in this way. As he described it, this total time-on-task was unlike his daily work experience. Working from bell to bell, continuing to teach even when he was tired and would have preferred a break, maintaining a level of decorum necessary around children, all combined to give him a new appreciation for the profession. Through his experience, empathy was born.

How powerful would it be if we invited people from various professions to take one day off from their daily job to spend it as a teacher?  In order for this to work, they would need to come in regardless of the sleep or lack thereof that they had the night before. They would need to begin when the first bell rings and keep going with all eyes on them for the full period. If in the younger grades, they could have the full experience with a dose of runny noses and elementary bickering, and if in the older grades, cell phone withdrawal and pushing of limits.  Regardless of student-age, they would be guaranteed relentless needs and tremendous responsibility unparalleled in any other profession and indescribable without the experience. And in the end, the experience might breed empathy for a world which others like to evaluate without ever stepping foot in the door.

These are just two examples of many that my mind has considered over the past few months.  Empathy from experience....I really do believe there is credence to the idea. Still not convinced? Maybe take a three minute walk in the crowded high school hallway. For the first minute weave in and out of groups of chattering teens, next try to get to your locker which is being blocked by a crowd of kids, then spend the last minute worrying that you might be late to class...and subsequently reprimanded by the teacher... again. Would you arrive at your destination focused and ready to work? The experience might help you have empathy for the students who arrive to you each day.

I leave you with one final challenge. It's the Device Deprivation Double Dog Dare that I mentioned at the outset. I think you know what I am going to suggest...There is much talk about the addiction of our students to their devices. I don't believe most adults are faring any better in this area. Perhaps we as teachers need to set an example. Have the experience of being device free during school hours. No texting, no posting, no checking...Could you do it? I Double Dog Dare you! Interested in trying out the theory of empathy by experience? If you decide to do it, let us know how it goes...let us know if it helps you to understand the resistance from students, the withdrawal symptoms really.  This could be an eye-opener as you use the experience to build empathy. Not so you decide that they should have their phones in school but so that you can truly say you understand how they feel.

To Lead or Not to Lead, It's Not Up to You!

As the years of motherhood swallowed up more and more of my adult life, I often would stop myself  to turn around and look over my brood only to wonder, "Why are all these kids following me?" Often it was just a moment of realization in the fact that somehow I was the mother of five beautiful children, and the humility of the situation would envelop me in gratitude. Other times, however the enormity of them so blindly following me and trusting that I knew what I was doing was overwhelmingly intimidating.  I mean, what basis did they have for the trust that they put in my ability to keep them safe, teach them and guide them in their little lives?  They had not studied my credentials or perused my qualifications.  And yet, there they were when I woke up, staring at me, willing me to lead the way.

       I can recall the first time they joined me on the track to actually run. Usually I would bring them out there for them to play on the infield while I did my laps.  This day, however, they laced up and were all on the track, giggling and talking as we looped the field. Later that day I texted my sister-in-law to relay a message of joy mixed with horror. It was a moment that was at once a dream come true and a nightmare. I mean, they were following my lead into running and fitness, but I knew my days of meditation on the track were ending, at least for a while.  Later that year, they ran the Princeton Kids Marathon. Twenty-five miles were run over the span of a month up to "race day". Then the last mile was run on a course that ended at the Princeton University arena. As runners finished the race on the track my children were nowhere to be seen. Then the announcer, a WPST disc jockey, could be heard proclaiming that the final runners were entering the arena. There they were, my two older girls carrying their little sister into the arena. They put her down and proceeded to hold hands all the way around the track and across the finish line. It was official, I was their leader in all things, whether or not that realization was in the forefront of my mind at any given moment.

I write all this to help you consider something tremendously important. This post is about YOU! You in your everyday life living with the power to be a leader, whether or not you choose the role. Considered the enormity of this responsibility! We don't get to choose whether or not we will be a leader. Instead, as soon as someone is following another, the person being followed is a leader.

Wait, what? Yep, that's right!

Every reader here has the potential to become a leader at any given moment that someone chooses to follow you. You, the parent...you, the teacher...you, the principal...you, the teen...you, the driver...you, the customer...you, the commuter...you, the waiter...you, the optimist...you, the pessimist...you get the picture!  You never know when someone is watching you, just waiting to follow your lead.

And then...

                 the moment someone begins following you, you are a leader...
                             
                                           It's not up to you, so choose your actions wisely!

Just Because It Feels as if You Never Left, Doesn't Mean That's True

As many teachers rounded out the first full week of the new school year, through conversations both in-person and online I noticed a frustration and defeat creeping into comments and demeanor. The frustration was not with students or with curriculum, but with the self. As teachers we tend to hold ourselves to ridiculously high standards and a result is a frustration with ourselves and our perceived inability to jump right back in. Teachers I spoke with seemed to think they should be able to do so much more in this short amount of time than they were accomplishing and they seemed to believe that this new school year should already fit like a well-worn cap. I found myself imploring folks to be gentle on themselves, this ancient new direction is one that is traveled repeatedly throughout the world, yet your path with your particular crew has never before been explored!

I often need to remind myself to heed my own advice, and so in listening to my words, I was reminded of the impatience I felt with myself when my children and I moved out of our family home where we had spent most of our years together and into a brand new home and way of life. Being a creature of habit, I craved the ease with which I had parented my school-aged children from my home base for so many years.  I mean, I had it down to a science!  Kids chose lunch options the Sunday heading into the school week. Their clothing was organized on shelves and their shoes in cubbies. Hooks labeled with each child's name by the front door delineated which backpacks and sweaters hung where. It was an organized mother's dream come true. It ran like clockwork....Then we moved... To a home that is a fraction of the size and did not afford the same amount of space to organize my five school children and their teacher-mom. A new home that had not had the comfortable attribute of growing along with us, but instead into which we thrust ourselves, in full-color action, mid-school-year.  For weeks I was frustrated with my inability to get us to the point we had been before. I berated myself for not being able to provide the routine and security of control that I had been able to bestow on my children before. After all, the kids and their needs were the same. In essence, it was "as if I had never left" so why could I not get it together as I had so easily before?

And then a friend gave me a little plaque and a stone.

On the plaque were the words, "I believe in being gentle on our soul as we mend and heal our hearts" and on the stone simply the word, "Courage".

While these words might not seem like much, at the time of their gifting they had the power to jumpstart a new mindset and alter my outlook. Slow down for a moment right now. Give it a read again. Then listen to what it has to say to your teacher-soul.

"I believe in being gentle on our soul as we mend and heal our hearts"

"Courage"

Do you see it? Do you see why you might be feeling as you do during these first weeks of returning to school? While your heart may not be in need of mending and healing, it is still in a state of turmoil and change. This is stressful! Many have returned to school feeling as though we never left. Summer seems to have flown by. In the grand scheme of life as we add years to our age, those two summer months become a smaller and smaller fraction of the life we have lived.  As a result, while they lazily lingered on forever when we were children, now they run by us in a flash. We return to school and we are in the same room, using the same materials and working with the same staff. It all seems so familiar and commonplace that we cannot understand why we can't fall into the routine of ease that we left in June.

When we forget to take the time to reflect on the true passing of time, it's no wonder it seems as though we should be able to do this as if we were in this position for eight months. After all, it's not an illusion that it seems as if we never left. But think for a moment about what is different.  Not the room, building or co-workers, but instead the most important part of our job; the students!  Try to name another profession where the primary clientele arrives in droves, immediately sits looking for the person in charge to serve them, expects the leader to be on top of their game from the get-go, and then comes back the next day with the same expectations...  Add to that the fact that every interaction with every students matters, and I am certain this type of stress does not exist in any other situation. The stress we are feeling is that accompanied by the high demand to build relationship with 20, 30, 150, 300 people!  Not those at a conference who will leave us in a few days, but those in our space, silently and subconsciously demanding of us that we be there for them, today, tomorrow, the next day....

And so, please go gently on your soul!  This is all new, even if it is not. Sharing a chocolate cake with an old friend is very different from sharing it with a new love. Not better, not worse, just different. New love, while exciting and something you anticipate with joy, can be very stressful. It's a happy stress, but it is stress all the same. You feel different, you act differently, and you need to be more in tuned to making sure that sharing with that new love the next time, will feel more and more like sharing with the old friend...comfortable and familiar. That's growth! That's what we are striving for with our students. We start with all this new love in September, taking the time to cultivate relationships, and this is stressful! This is work for our hearts. But be patient!  It is a wonderful time! For this new love will fit like the most comfortable old friend in time, and it is then that you will feel at peace with the gift you have as an educator! And so over the next few weeks, keep repeating to yourself as I will be to myself; "Go gently on your soul"!

Hospitality: You Are Always Welcome Here!

If you've not seen Sebastian Maniscalco's skit about people showing up at your home unannounced in today's culture, please hit play on the clip above and laugh with me. It is widely known that regarding the Maccaroni house anyone is welcome at any time. Cars will pull up, we hear the car door, and we look to see who is coming. We have an open door policy that is understood by all who know us, and exercised freely. There are two general 'rules' to be followed if stopping by...the state you find our home in is never to be judged, and the state you find us in is always to be joined. And believe me, with our home being as well used as it is, its state can be pretty scary at times and its activity is always entertaining. As parents drop off the friends of my children, dogs are brought to see Mocha, conversation flows freely, stories are relayed and often the struggles of parenting are shared. And as students visit my teenage neighbor or are walking home from school, they shamelessly yell "Hey Ms. Macc!" and sometimes come over for a little catching up on life. It has gotten to the point that my children and I know that in order to connect to some people, we need to make sure we are home, we need to be present. It is very disappointing when we arrive home only to find a note or gift at our door, and a missed opportunity to connect with the bestower. 

And then there is my classroom. Although tucked out of the way of general school traffic, is much like my home. Students with whom I was blessed to share last year make their way to my room to say hello, catch up and seek my encouragement or help. My classroom door is always open, and anyone who stops in can be assured of joining into our current activity, discussion and antics. Sometimes I wonder if our security staff draws straws to determine who will be made to visit my classroom in the morning to collect my inter-office folder, and no doubt be dragged into our current escapade. My room is a reassuring and cheerful spot that, much like my home, is a welcoming space for people to feel safe just being themselves.

So here is my conundrum...you had to know something sinister was looming... 

This past week we had our full staff PD gatherings prior to students arriving for the school year and they prompted my reflections for this post. After reading all my descriptions above, one would think I would work the room of a full-staff meeting like a champ, making sure others are feeling welcome and comfortable just as I do at home and in my classroom. However, even with a full-fledged pep talk prior to arrival, I am incapable of exuding this same welcoming atmosphere in social settings that I do at home and in my classroom. I am not by nature one to speak up or call out to others when the circumstances dictate that this is exactly what folks are supposed to do. While walking into a crowded room, I am much happier just staying in my head as I await the speaker's presentation. When I arrive at such an event, my armor goes up and the first thing I want to do is leave. This past week, as others were greeting one another and asking about summers and such, I promptly found a seat behind some folks and put my head into my notebook. It's not that I wasn't happy to see my co-workers, I was! I am just not comfortable being 'social' in that way. So my question is this: When presented with social gatherings, where is that welcoming woman who would allow anyone to enter her home or her classroom and go to great lengths to make them feel comfortable?

And so I am putting this out there in the public realm to hold myself accountable. I am challenging myself this year. I want to find that woman in all situations to which I am called.  I believe there is a mindset shift that I need to make. The invitation into my home and classroom would fit into the category of hospitality; making others feel comfortable and inviting connection. I love to make connections! I am all about relationships and connections! But when it comes to just me in that expanse of people, I don't feel as hospitable. I don't believe this is due to not wanting others in. I believe it is a matter of not feeling I have much to offer in these situations. If you know your Bible, you would see that I am much more comfortable playing the role of Martha instead of Mary. When I feel busy, when I feel as if I have something to offer, in the case of my home or classroom this means hospitality, I am in my comfort zone. And so, after much reflection, I believe I need to shift my mindset to include what I would like to refer to as 'hospitality of self'; inviting others to interaction with me and making them feel comfortable while encouraging connection into myself. I never want to exclude others from myself with my quietness or my facial expressions, which are merely a sign of my discomfort, not disinterest. I want to know that my smile, my posture and my actions allow others to feel they are welcome into 'me'. 

One final thought.  Regarding our students, I think we need to be aware that they might also have moments where they are not feeling sharable. It is interesting as an introvert to know that while it seems perfectly acceptable for an extrovert to question the motives of an introvert; "Come on! Why don't you join in!", it is not at all acceptable for an introvert to say, "Hey can you please get out of my space and leave me alone for now?"  Yet recognizing this may be how our students are feeling is an important step in allowing them to find safety in our classrooms.  The more I think about it, that seems to be a ripe seed for a future post. For now, I want you to know that as long as you are willing to accept and participate in the state you find, you are welcome into my crazy home, into my active classroom and into my genuine self! How do you plan to challenge yourself to grow this year?

Pack Summer into Your School Bag

Usually when I sit down to write a post I have been manipulating the words in my head for a couple days, hashing out the ideas and waiting to find the time to write my thoughts down in a way so that others can appreciate their story. Other times however, I sit down to write without any idea of what I have to say. There is no script that has been running through my head. There is nothing in particular that I want to try to convey...I just watch, much as the reader does, to see where the letters go. Just a hippie with a keyboard, going with the flow. This is one of those times. And it makes sense, right?  I mean, here I am on the cusp of a new school year. Summer vacation has come to an end and now I am looking out...but I can't decide at what I am gazing. I know that my view involves a mountain, it almost always does. And I know that the mountain is representing a new beginning; that's just the feeling of summer to school year. But am I at the bottom looking at what I need to climb in order to conquer? Or am I at the top, looking at where I need to jump in order to soar? Or is my view something completely different? I suppose that all depends...

This summer was full of gifts. The gift of the mundane as my children and I enjoyed some days of nothingness. The gift of new adventures as I branched out with my PD presentations and my son embarked on his college journey. The gift of sharing myself in relationships with people who never quite knew who I was and those who know me well but love me anyway. The gift of family as we gathered to celebrated birthdays or just enjoy a meal and company. The gift of a dog new to our family yet fitting in as though she was always here. The gift of a garden that actually lived. The gift of new drums and lessons begun and endless music in our home. The list goes on and on in my journal. It was a beautiful summer as I peer behind me, the terrain was mostly level with only the occasional bump of excitement, and for that alone I am truly grateful...but as I peer ahead...

…and read the comments and lamentations regarding the passing of summer, it is all too easy to believe I am about to be forced to leave behind me all that summer brought and trade those wonderful feelings for what lies ahead in the new school year. That would make me so sad! If I adopt that mindset, I will surely go into the upcoming week of school with dread and negative anticipation for all that it will not be able to bring into my life. With all the schedules and the homework and the sports, how could the upcoming school year ever measure up to summer? It can't, if I pit one against the other. But I know that mourning the loss of summer is only for those who didn't spend the past two months in growth and true happiness; the kind of happiness that seeps into the heart and comes along for the ride filling you with anticipation for what might come next. This is not a time for endings, but a time to figure out how to bring what was wonderful into the future with you!

At the end of last school year, I decided to have students address envelops to themselves so that I could send my 'end of the year' notes to them in the mail since I had run out of time to get them to the students before the close of school. All summer those envelops beckoned me from my school bag in the corner of my dining room. They were taunting me really. As the school year fell further and further behind me, I was increasingly unmotivated to write notes to students who (in my mind's rationale) surely couldn't possibly care about receiving a note from me as they enjoyed their summer. Occasionally however, I would see a student as is the blessing of living in the town in which I teach, and he/she would ask me about the letters, proving my excuses of their apathy flawed, and stirring the taunting up again. Well, this week I finally made good on my promise of letters, but with a new spin that beautifully connects last year to this one. I mailed those envelops with letters of encouragement for the upcoming school year drawing on the growth each student made last year, as well as a coupon from me giving permission for these amazing young people to remain awesome and to reach out to me with any need at all. My procrastination ended up being a powerful tool to bridge the gap between last year and this year. These notes were a way to bring a little bit of last year's awesome into the recipe that is churning for the upcoming school year. They became a way to stir up some excitement for what lies ahead. For me, mailing them has helped me to become excited to meet the new students with whom I will build relationships that will continue beyond next summer. Each experience builds on the last and carries with it a promise for the future.

And so as I peer out over the expanse of mountain before me, I don't believe I am seeing a climb or a soar in my immediate future. I see an open path; not flat, but with hills and dips that are manageable. I see beautiful beginnings and the continued joy they can bring to our lives, if we just change the perspective that "summer is over" into "what will I do with all that summer brought into my life to enhance this new beginning?". I know I plan to bring along with me the new relationships that are blooming in my life to see how they will continue to develop and help me to grow. I will continue to cherish family and old friends. I will replace my vegetables and summer flowers with mums. I will walk my dog before and after school and hear my daughter's drums as I prepare dinner for one less child, but anticipate the new growth experienced by my college student. I will not leave summer behind, I will just find a place for what it brought into my life and let it continue to shape me into all I am intended to be. Let all the joy and growth that summer brought to you continue on to bridge the gap, just as those letters will help to pull students into confidence for a successful year ahead by reminding them they are loved by someone who watched them grow last year. Seasons of life are not meant to be left behind, but to be lived and appreciated for all the ways they shape us and help us to grow.

It's Not the Song, It's the Singer

(A video tribute to Justin Bieber from Rebecca's younger siblings.)

I had the honor of attending many amazing professional development sessions over the summer. I gathered numerous take-aways but one idea that repeatedly made an appearance was plaguing my mind. As is my way, I hashed it out until I was able to put words to what it was that was irking me. I'd like to share my journey to this realization with you. I must warn you that the journey will include an obsession with Justin Bieber and how his singing of "Happy Birthday" moving my daughter to tears must find a way into your teaching persona. I understand if you want to abandon ship now...as a mom of four daughters I am Bieber-ed out myself... but if you stay the course, your outlook on teaching will be better for having benefitted from the experience of my journey.

As teachers we are repeatedly challenged to make our lessons exciting and capture the attention of our students. We are competing with Social Media and video games that allow children to experience constant and instant feedback, pseudo relationships and conversation, and fun in whatever capacity suits the child. In one PD session that I led, the pressure to make every single lesson 'super-exciting' was a source of true frustration. New teachers were feeling stress over how to create lessons that were filled with excitement and enthusiasm at every turn of the school-year. How can we compete with what children are accustomed to in Fortnite when we have fractions, Punnett Squares and proper grammar instead of New Skins and Flossing?

And so, this concept was my wrestling opponent throughout the summer. I spent a lot of time trying to pin down the reason behind the happiness of my students vs. my lesson planning. I thought I was defeated in this match as I moved through the summer without success in finding answers for these teachers. In looking at my lessons...lessons spanning all academic core areas...I tried to figure out what the secret was that kept my students happily walking through my classroom door. In perusing my plans it became clear that my lessons, while interspersed with out-of-your-seat hands-on fun, are not all that exciting in the day-to-day. Our students deserve lessons that are engaging. Yes! They deserve lessons that challenge and teach. Of course! We can do this with hands-on activities, various student positioning and alternatives to worksheets, and we should.  But if I am a classroom teacher teaching everything from spelling to writing to reading to math, how can I possibly be expected to make every lesson exciting?  What I was hearing from fellow teachers was that this expectation can be downright defeating. In my reflection, I came to the realization that not every lesson I teach is exciting, and yet my students arrive each day smiling and eager to enter our classroom.  Why?

If you've hung on here this long with me and are wondering where JB fits in, don't worry. He's about to make his appearance and answer all of these concerns about exciting classroom teaching at the same time. To do so, we need to take a peek into my daughter's obsession. For years Rebecca had an infatuation with Justin Bieber. His lyrics coated her walls and books, his music filled her ears, and his tattooed torso was on display all around her room, even behind the clothing that hung in her closet. To Rebecca, he was amazing! We watched movies, read articles and sang along with him, even in Spanish.  At one time, she declared she could never go to his concert because, "I would just die!"  You get the picture. In her mind, he was a hero. You know what else he could apparently do better than anyone?  Sing that ubiquitous song, "Happy Birthday".  Two years in a row Rebecca's older brother Max, had JB serenade Rebecca on her birthday to tears of joy. Wait...what?  That same old song?!?!  We sang it to her many times - no tears. Bieber begins crooning in his breathy voice and all of a sudden the same song has her heart all aflutter and tears streaming down her face. Again I ask, Why?

But I don't really need to ask, do I?  You see it now, don't you?  It's not the song, it's the singer. It's not the lesson, it's the teacher. My students don't come to my room each day smiling because they might learn about integers or subject-verb agreement or Constitutional Amendments.  They come in smiling because I have connected with them and they know that whatever we do together, today will be exciting because we will have fun, we will laugh, we will solve personal problems, we will enjoy our safe environment and we will grow together in relationship. I will "sing" to them in a voice that tells them they are special and I love them. And yes, some days our work will be done with underwear outside our clothing to drive home the lesson of Order of Operations, but not everyday. And while this is not permission to neglect creating exciting ways to deliver your material, the out-of-the-ordinary doesn't need to be daily when you just enjoy the people with whom you are spending that time. True, there are no tears of joy streaming down the faces of my students as we hash out revisions to our essays. But when students are connected to us because we have taken the time to become 'that' teacher, even the mundane can be a source of joy and excitement in the classroom.