My children and I have many traditions surrounding the school year experience. One of them is the end of the year perusal of report cards. In order for you to fully appreciate this annual moment in my family's life, I need to share a few disclaimers.
First, the Maccaroni kids "play" school very well. Though we have our share of struggles throughout the year, overall academic achievement in school is not a difficult task for them, and for that I am grateful. Second, while I do not get daily, weekly or even monthly indicators sent to me from our district's robo-report card generator, surprises on final report cards are rare because I am completely available to teachers and I constantly talk with my children regarding their academics. Finally, I really don't care about grades. Period. If my children are trying to the best of their ability, learning the information, and growing as a self-advocate by asking questions and meeting for extra help, the grade they earn is secondary to the life lessons garnered through the experience. Will colleges and continuing education institutions look at their grades? of course. But my kids are so much more than a letter on a chart. Any college that can't see that is not taking my money to educate my child.
With all that on the table, I believe you might enjoy a glimpse into this past week's final report card perusal at The Maccaroni abode. Since printed report cards are only a memory in our district, on the night report cards were made digitally available to parents, I sat with the kids surrounding me on the couch, (or pacing as is the comfort movement of my son), and opened each document, one-by-one. I sat, first enjoying the picture of each child captured so many months prior. I took a moment to truly look at those cute little faces that were filled with the wonder of an entire school year still ahead of them. I then located the "Final Report Card" grades. After enjoying the process through the first three report cards it hit me: each child's face had changed tremendously, but that wasn't all that had changed. Throughout the year, their minds had grown beyond measure in knowledge and skills. Those camera-ready smiles had disappeared several times as we lived the school-year, often replaced by tears of frustration, or angst, or "I just don't get it!" moments. There had been crying and yelling and struggling. They had lived a full year of school, grown into new and improved versions of themselves, and somehow as a mom I was supposed to be satisfied that this growth was summarized on this final report card in 7 little letters and list of robo-comments.
I will not pursue this topic further here. I bring it up only for you to ruminate on it a bit and formulate your own ideas of why it is so disturbing. But I do have one final thought for you.
In the end, after looking over all the final grades Maccaroni style...perhaps best illustrated by the moment when Anna saw that her best efforts in a challenging class earned what was to her a disappointing "C", and her brother made her smile by exclaiming that it was a "C" for Chemistry, my favorite moment came when Martha sullenly said, "I wish you cared about grades. My friends get paid for A's and B's." Ha! Well, I don't! I watch my children work hard all year. I know when they are giving their studies their best efforts, and I point out to them when they are not. To me, that little letter is just a miniscule tic mark on a tremendous year of growth and development. Our reward as parents is not the grade, but seeing the incredible metamorphosis of the beautiful people entrusted to our care.
Saturday, June 29, 2019
Wednesday, June 26, 2019
Learning to Effectively Disagree-A Lesson from Camp Maccaroni
Summertime in the Maccaroni house is just another word for Family-WrestleMania, albeit verbal. My kids are not physically confrontational, thankfully, but each of them can deliver a tongue lashing that may as well be a perfectly planted right-hook. Summertime allows for more time together, which inevitably means more time to share ideas---and more time to disagree. As I watch them, I can't help but contemplate that they are mirroring societal discord as they are expected to get along while the onslaught of opinions and ideas of others are relentlessly delivered.
Many people believe that as a society, we have never been more divided than we are right now. Any and all issues seem to invite folks to draw a line and pick a side, and we are doing so more and more fervently and frequently. We disagree about politics, child rearing, education and economics. We can't seem to find common ground on gender issues, racial tensions and general equality. The list could go on and on, but you get the point. It would appear that people are more divided than ever, and the relentless conflicts will persist without solution.
Well, here are my thoughts:
1. We are no more divided than we have been in the past. Consider that perhaps today opposing opinions are just more easily put before us because we are in fact less divided; living next to folks who think differently instead of those who share our same history and readily reading/hearing the opinions of others through media sources. How then do we learn to understand and appreciate one another? This is the beautiful challenge of our diverse country! We are experiencing growing pains as now we have to learn to live gracefully among varying minded individuals. We are not only very young in "Nation Years", (kinda like dog years, with an even larger differential, maybe every 100 years equals one human year), but we are also an unprecedented experiment in nation building. We must be patient and we must be more open minded than any other societal citizens. How do we do this? By first believing that most people, even those with whom we don't see eye-to-eye, are good and decent human beings!
2. The fight will go on and on, and that is wonderful! As I watch my children disagree, I find that I do not take sides, nor do I stop them from arguing. I let them disagree and only occasionally interject to reiterate the points being made so that it is spoken in a language the others can understand, ruminate on, and effectively dispute or concede to. I teach them that there are flaws in all arguments, helping my children realize that opinions are personal, and as such naturally wrought with imperfection. When we realize the deficiencies in our own opinions, it is then that we are able to truly work with others toward a common ground and true goal.
3. Unless and until we learn to disagree effectively, embracing the natural tendency to work things out through discourse, we will never grow from the arguments we enter into. No one likes a spitting match that goes on and on without gains, but it is also true that nothing is accomplished by taking my spit (or my opinion in this case), going home and keeping it to myself either. We need to continually ask ourselves certain questions: Why do they oppose me? What are the flaws in my opinion? What are they seeing that I am not? Whose interests do we each have in mind? Is it more important that I win, that I am right, or that we find a solution?
And so that is where I shall leave you. As promised, my summer posts will be shorter...just a little something to keep our minds nimble. Time for me to get my whistle and head back into the ring where my children and I will hone the art of disagreeing with grace, conceding with dignity, and surrendering the fear of losing for the victory of finding the best solution.
"Surround yourself with likeminded people and together you'll find that you are always right. This, however, is not how solutions are born. Don't lose sight of what you are seeking." -my own words...not really a quote...yet...
Saturday, June 22, 2019
Pause: For the Time In-Between
If you are a reader who has been with me for a while you probably figure this post will be about the end of the school year and looking back at all the accomplishments you as an awesome teacher, parent or student achieved, noting what to keep and what to release before we are back to school in September.
If you are reading this and you are close to my life and my family, you might assume that this post will be about endings as Max prepares for college, and figure you may as well just get the box of tissues right now.
And if you are new here I'd like to first say, "Welcome!!!", and I'll bet you are thinking, "What the hell? I don't think this writer has a point at all!" And you, my friend, are absolutely right! Kinda...
The Maccaroni Family is making it a point at this time, after school has ended and summer is just beginning, to have no point - to just be. We are on the page left blank between chapters, the moment between boarding the plane and take-off, the split second between the cry for help and the jump to rescue; and this moment is crucial, imperative and necessary for us as a family embarking on a new chapter of "us". We need to take it, embrace it, live it and use it well.
Now, if you are still lamenting that I have no point, open your mind to seeing a piece of life that is all too often neglected. This in-between moment is rarely given the attention necessary to properly employ it as a portal to all other aspects of the journey ahead.
Pause: This is a picture of Martha's mind at work...before her siblings chimed in...
No sooner was it up than her siblings started considering how they could make it fun(ny). They considered putting their father's address as a "Possible Overnight Trip". That had them laughing raucously. Under "Things to Make or Do", they wanted to write, "Summer '19 To Do List". Let that one sink in for a moment...yes, this is the crew I've been given. I take no credit or blame. But you see what I am dealing with here...they continued in this way, though not by writing on Martha's chart, but just cutting up, one funnier than the next. It was an exercise in sibling teamwork and rivalry all wrapped up in one glorious moment of "I get you". Without them realizing it, it was them taking that breath between bouncing on the diving board and jumping in. And it will be treasured in my heart all summer long as we march toward a family chapter that is unlike anything we have lived through as a unit before.
The chart is now filling up with great ideas, dreams and hopes. My children are taking the time between the hectic school year and the abyss of summer hours, to stop, think and breathe. I've always lamented that life has no pause button. I could have used one this past week between graduations, grades and reports...Well, these in-between moments are pause buttons. We may not get to decide where they are placed, but they are built in where we need them most.
So I implore you now to take time to pause before opening the next chapter. Think about what you hope it holds, what you wish will happen, what you need to do to make those hopes and wishes come true, and what you need to do to make it the best chapter of your life so far. I honestly cannot imagine how my life can get any better than it has been these past years as my children and I enjoyed being in the same school system together sharing every aspect, good and bad. But I am pausing now to figure out my role before we jump into this new chapter together. I am considering what twists and turns the next chapter might present. I am looking at the characters and wondering how they will be scripted to change, develop, conquer and grow. I am both scared and excited to see where it takes us. This pause time is a beautiful gift that, when used properly, commits to our heart all our memories, hopes and dreams we need in order to live life like we mean it. I will take it and cherish it. After all, how else will I be able to be all the mom I am called to be as I help fulfill all the deep and meaningful hopes my children have written so far on the "Summer '19 Things to Make or Do" list?
If you are reading this and you are close to my life and my family, you might assume that this post will be about endings as Max prepares for college, and figure you may as well just get the box of tissues right now.
And if you are new here I'd like to first say, "Welcome!!!", and I'll bet you are thinking, "What the hell? I don't think this writer has a point at all!" And you, my friend, are absolutely right! Kinda...
The Maccaroni Family is making it a point at this time, after school has ended and summer is just beginning, to have no point - to just be. We are on the page left blank between chapters, the moment between boarding the plane and take-off, the split second between the cry for help and the jump to rescue; and this moment is crucial, imperative and necessary for us as a family embarking on a new chapter of "us". We need to take it, embrace it, live it and use it well.
Now, if you are still lamenting that I have no point, open your mind to seeing a piece of life that is all too often neglected. This in-between moment is rarely given the attention necessary to properly employ it as a portal to all other aspects of the journey ahead.
Pause: This is a picture of Martha's mind at work...before her siblings chimed in...
No sooner was it up than her siblings started considering how they could make it fun(ny). They considered putting their father's address as a "Possible Overnight Trip". That had them laughing raucously. Under "Things to Make or Do", they wanted to write, "Summer '19 To Do List". Let that one sink in for a moment...yes, this is the crew I've been given. I take no credit or blame. But you see what I am dealing with here...they continued in this way, though not by writing on Martha's chart, but just cutting up, one funnier than the next. It was an exercise in sibling teamwork and rivalry all wrapped up in one glorious moment of "I get you". Without them realizing it, it was them taking that breath between bouncing on the diving board and jumping in. And it will be treasured in my heart all summer long as we march toward a family chapter that is unlike anything we have lived through as a unit before.
The chart is now filling up with great ideas, dreams and hopes. My children are taking the time between the hectic school year and the abyss of summer hours, to stop, think and breathe. I've always lamented that life has no pause button. I could have used one this past week between graduations, grades and reports...Well, these in-between moments are pause buttons. We may not get to decide where they are placed, but they are built in where we need them most.
So I implore you now to take time to pause before opening the next chapter. Think about what you hope it holds, what you wish will happen, what you need to do to make those hopes and wishes come true, and what you need to do to make it the best chapter of your life so far. I honestly cannot imagine how my life can get any better than it has been these past years as my children and I enjoyed being in the same school system together sharing every aspect, good and bad. But I am pausing now to figure out my role before we jump into this new chapter together. I am considering what twists and turns the next chapter might present. I am looking at the characters and wondering how they will be scripted to change, develop, conquer and grow. I am both scared and excited to see where it takes us. This pause time is a beautiful gift that, when used properly, commits to our heart all our memories, hopes and dreams we need in order to live life like we mean it. I will take it and cherish it. After all, how else will I be able to be all the mom I am called to be as I help fulfill all the deep and meaningful hopes my children have written so far on the "Summer '19 Things to Make or Do" list?
Gotta Love the Maccaroni Crew!
Sunday, June 16, 2019
Father's Day 2019: A Tribute
The Leader of the Band: by Dan Fogelberg
An only child
Alone and wild
A cabinet maker`s son
His hands were meant for different work
And his heart was known to none
Just this week one of my all time favorite musicians, Yusuf "Cat" Stevens, was inducted into the Songwriter's Hall of Fame. Stevens is the writer of the song, "Father and Son", which is a beautiful tribute to the journey of fatherhood. The lyrics of that song and the Dan Fogelberg tune shared throughout this post, prompted my thinking about various songs that were written in tribute to the amazing men who shape our lives. And while I have no intention of listing songs about dads here (there are so many great ones), discussing my odd musical weaknesses (Bolton...I hang my head in shame...) or taking this tribute to men in the direction that my humor dictates (The Weather Girls, anyone?), I did want to point out that the prominent songs about dads and men are centered around a single idea that drives all others, an idea that fathers and men need to heed and respect: The belief in the incredible responsibility of men in our world to shape and dictate the direction of our lives, just by being a part of them.
He left his home
And went his lone and solitary way
And he gave to me A gift I know
I never can repay
Our dads are important! Our dads shape who we become! Our dads are an integral piece of our journey, and when they are missing there is a void that must be filled by other stand-up men, stepping up and showing up, and being there for kids. These men are teachers, administrators, neighbors, coaches or family members and friends. The role they play in the script of life is significant but more consequential is the value of the time they spend with children, boys and girls, teaching them what it means to be a Good Man. Good Men take the responsibility to guide and lead seriously, and they do not waver from teaching the values of love, loyalty and integrity. They may not be perfect, but they are present and they are intentional.
A quiet man of music
Denied a simpler fate
He tried to be a soldier once
But his music wouldn`t wait
He earned his love through discipline
A thundering, velvet hand
His gentle means of sculpting souls
Took me years to understand
My father died three days after I turned 14. This timing was undoubtedly a meaningful factor in my development, and I know I missed out on some important bonding times with the man I barely remember. But what strikes me most each Father's Day is that although he was not physically a part of my life's journey after age 14, he was still there with me along my path. He was there in my mind whenever I needed to talk. He was there as I noticed and appreciated the men in my life who had the power to change thoughts, drive intentions and love intensely. And he continues to be here now as I watch my children display his character, talents and passions.
The leader of the band is tired
And his eyes are growing old
But his blood runs through my instrument
And his song is in my soul
My father had the ability to sit at an instrument and play a tune without reading music. I've little doubt now that my son inherited Perfect Pitch from his grandfather and my daughter inherited his musical nature as she adeptly plays her guitar as if it were a natural extension of herself. My father had an uncanny dry sense of humor, a trait displayed in all of my children as we enjoy laughing with one another about things we are certain others might not even understand. And my father had a humble work ethic that brought him to his job every day for many years, working hard because he knew his obligation to provide for his family was important. I see this incredible quiet determination as my children are driven to achieve in school, sports and music by showing up, following the rules and meeting the goals they set for themselves.
My life has been a poor attempt
To imitate the man
I'm just a living legacy
To the leader of the band
Depending on how you understand death, you may or may not relate to this aspect of today's post. When I was in high school and even in college, there were times when the knowledge that my dad was looking upon me from his new "life", helped me to make decisions and choices in a way that would make him proud. It was as if his parenting took on a different form, one that caused me to miss his physical presence, but to experience his loving attention more intensely. I wanted to be like him in his quiet ability to enjoy life without talking much, and his humble attention to the needs of others. I wanted to make him proud of me and what I was accomplishing in terms of service to others. Our fathers have a lasting role in our lives, one that is not limited by the boundaries of this world. They live in our hearts, yes. They live in our minds, certainly. And they live in our children, through traits and talents and passions. I know my father did not consider how he was affecting me; he just did. If you are a Good Man, father or not, take a moment today to consider how you are affecting the children in your life, whether they be your personal children, students, or other children blessed to be on your life's path. They are watching...they are learning...from you!
I thank you for the music
And your stories of the road
I thank you for the freedom
When it came my time to go
The song I've shared throughout this post is one I used when I was in my late teens and invited to speak about the passing of my father at a retreat. It is a song by Dan Fogelberg called "Leader of the Band". He wrote the song for his dad in 1981. His dad died in 1982, living a full year enjoying the words so beautifully sung by his son. Take time today, if you are lucky enough to have your dad here, other good men in your life who have helped to mold you, and/or your children who emulate you as their dad, to tell them exactly what it is that you love about them. Fogelberg's song ends with:
I thank you for the kindness
And the times when you got tough
And, papa, I don't think I
Said 'I love you' near enough
Thank you to all the Good and Wonderful Men who are in the lives of my children and children everywhere. Know that the gratitude for all you do each day to teach and guide our young ones on their journey is boundless. Happy Father's Day!I am a living legacy to the leader of the band!
Wednesday, June 12, 2019
At All Times, Reflect Love
I recall hearing a story years ago about a dad getting his children ready for Sunday morning mass. When the time for departure arrived his teenage daughter declared that he could not force her to go to church. He calmly looked at his watch and asked her, "How old are you now?" She confidently declared, "16!". His answer was a calm and measured, "Right on time. Get in the car."
A book written by Anthony E. Wolf, PhD in 1991 called, Get Out of My Life, but First Could You Drive Me & Cheryl to the Mall was my go-to resource as I traveled around speaking to groups of teens and their parents about the trials, triumphs and tribulations of family life during the adolescent years. The book was revised in 2002 and described as, "A Parent's Guide to the New Teenager, Revised and Updated". Even the updated edition is now as old as the people it sets out to explain, but it is just as relevant today as it was all those years ago. Why? Because the process of teens going through adolescence and breaking away from their parents has not changed. Teens have always been doing just what they are supposed to and parents have always tried to accept, guide, and understand them on their journey.
As educators who get to choose the stage of childhood we most enjoy, we are blessed to experience the same age year after year, watching and enjoying the gradual maturation of the students put before us. We know what to expect of our grade-level and as much as we appreciate this gift, it might cause us to lose perspective of what parents are experiencing. You see, as parents enter each new stage of child and family development, they encounter uncharted territory. They are understandably filled with uncertainty and the list of questions is lengthy. "Am I doing this right?" "Am I firm enough?" "Am I compassionate enough?" "Will both my child and I make it out of this alive?"
Parenting requires support. Unfortunately when parents look for support, it often is considerably more detrimental than helpful. A recent Facebook conversation prompted this post. It was begun by a mother seeking advice for dealing with her angry teen. The response thread was wrought with bad advice, sarcasm and belittling of true childhood stressors. In the end it was just a disparaging rant of negativity on how those conversing viewed the raising of children. Supportive empathy, which is what this mother needed, was nowhere to be found in the dialogue. This struck me as distressing, both as a parent and a teacher.
Since it is part of our gift as teachers to know that yes, children go through stages of development and emerge on the other side closer to their full adult potential, I believe we have an obligation to work with and support parents in every stage of child development. Each stage of development includes strife and triumph; struggle and victory. For parents, it is often impossible to see the triumph and victory as they muddle through the strife and struggle. But as teachers who have the privilege of watching the cycle of development run its course year after year, we can and should share our wisdom with parents in such a way that truly supports their efforts to guide their children to maturity.
And so, I leave this final thought in hopes that my Facebook friend might get a chance to read, but knowing all teachers and parents can use this reminder. As far as angry children go, when they are in the moment of rage, they will yell. They will say they hate you. Quite honestly, in that moment, they probably really mean it too. Luckily you are an adult. You are able to absorb their emotion, let go of the words. and reflect unconditional love back on that child. You are blessed to be their parent and teacher! Embrace it!!! It's all part of their breaking away. With every utterance of hate, I give thanks to God for these beautiful, strong teens in my life who show me each day what it means to rise above challenges and face fears. They demonstrate what it means to be unsure of oneself, but persevere. I like to believe that the stronger they hate, the stronger their love for the relationship that we've been building all the years prior to this moment. I'm not so sure that's true, but it is a comfort in the midst of strife and it makes sense. Think about it...you would be easy to break free from, easy to dismiss, if they didn't love you so deeply. So let them feel the hate. Let them speak it as well. Then let them see that you love them anyway. The hate won't last, but the lesson learned in the midst of that moment will. Let the lesson be one of unconditional love.
A book written by Anthony E. Wolf, PhD in 1991 called, Get Out of My Life, but First Could You Drive Me & Cheryl to the Mall was my go-to resource as I traveled around speaking to groups of teens and their parents about the trials, triumphs and tribulations of family life during the adolescent years. The book was revised in 2002 and described as, "A Parent's Guide to the New Teenager, Revised and Updated". Even the updated edition is now as old as the people it sets out to explain, but it is just as relevant today as it was all those years ago. Why? Because the process of teens going through adolescence and breaking away from their parents has not changed. Teens have always been doing just what they are supposed to and parents have always tried to accept, guide, and understand them on their journey.
As educators who get to choose the stage of childhood we most enjoy, we are blessed to experience the same age year after year, watching and enjoying the gradual maturation of the students put before us. We know what to expect of our grade-level and as much as we appreciate this gift, it might cause us to lose perspective of what parents are experiencing. You see, as parents enter each new stage of child and family development, they encounter uncharted territory. They are understandably filled with uncertainty and the list of questions is lengthy. "Am I doing this right?" "Am I firm enough?" "Am I compassionate enough?" "Will both my child and I make it out of this alive?"
Parenting requires support. Unfortunately when parents look for support, it often is considerably more detrimental than helpful. A recent Facebook conversation prompted this post. It was begun by a mother seeking advice for dealing with her angry teen. The response thread was wrought with bad advice, sarcasm and belittling of true childhood stressors. In the end it was just a disparaging rant of negativity on how those conversing viewed the raising of children. Supportive empathy, which is what this mother needed, was nowhere to be found in the dialogue. This struck me as distressing, both as a parent and a teacher.
Since it is part of our gift as teachers to know that yes, children go through stages of development and emerge on the other side closer to their full adult potential, I believe we have an obligation to work with and support parents in every stage of child development. Each stage of development includes strife and triumph; struggle and victory. For parents, it is often impossible to see the triumph and victory as they muddle through the strife and struggle. But as teachers who have the privilege of watching the cycle of development run its course year after year, we can and should share our wisdom with parents in such a way that truly supports their efforts to guide their children to maturity.
And so, I leave this final thought in hopes that my Facebook friend might get a chance to read, but knowing all teachers and parents can use this reminder. As far as angry children go, when they are in the moment of rage, they will yell. They will say they hate you. Quite honestly, in that moment, they probably really mean it too. Luckily you are an adult. You are able to absorb their emotion, let go of the words. and reflect unconditional love back on that child. You are blessed to be their parent and teacher! Embrace it!!! It's all part of their breaking away. With every utterance of hate, I give thanks to God for these beautiful, strong teens in my life who show me each day what it means to rise above challenges and face fears. They demonstrate what it means to be unsure of oneself, but persevere. I like to believe that the stronger they hate, the stronger their love for the relationship that we've been building all the years prior to this moment. I'm not so sure that's true, but it is a comfort in the midst of strife and it makes sense. Think about it...you would be easy to break free from, easy to dismiss, if they didn't love you so deeply. So let them feel the hate. Let them speak it as well. Then let them see that you love them anyway. The hate won't last, but the lesson learned in the midst of that moment will. Let the lesson be one of unconditional love.
Sunday, June 9, 2019
A NightLight Experience of Wellness
If I were to ask you how you take care of your breathing needs, you would (look at me as if I were nuts and then) answer that you inhale and exhale. If I were to ask you how you take care of your body's hunger, you would say that you eat. Your thirst? you drink. If we were to switch gears and my questions shifted to how you care for your loved ones, your answers might include keeping your home in order, providing for basic needs and spending time with them. Let all that settle in for a moment while you consider that you would never neglect to take care of any of the items questioned. They are necessary and vital to your well-being and the well-being of those you love, and you regard them as your means to survival or as your serious obligation.
Your mental and physical health and well-being are no less imperative! Why then, in the many discussions on-line or in-person, when the question about wellness arises, are so many of us apt to state that we let self-care and wellness go unattended? At one time I believed that people thought there was honor in putting oneself aside for others. While martyrdom has its place in history, it has no place in our day-to-day life. Think about it, if you were to study history closely, you would find that the defined inevitable outcome for martyrs is death! And while there are a few who still believe living in such a way makes them a better person, I am no longer convinced that most of us push self-care aside to win 'Martyr of the Year'. I believe most people do not view self-care and self-preservation in the same way they view breathing, eating and drinking; as a necessity. Self-care is regarded as a luxury, something unnecessary for survival. This could not be more wrong!
Regardless of our reasons to put our wellness aside, it stops here! Today, at this moment, we make the commitment to do better! But don't worry, I think with a little prompting, you might find that self-care and wellness will be more easily accomplished than previously thought.
Last night I found myself on a blanket, one and half hours from home, experiencing my first ever NightLight Event. I'm embarrassed to admit that my initial intent was to drop my teenage daughter and her friend off and find a mall or restaurant where I could spend a few of the evening hours enjoying 'me time', assuming the event would be a conglomeration of teens. Not knowing the area to which we were headed, I neglected to consider that there would be no such shopping or dining experience to be had within miles of the venue, and so I found myself walking in with the girls, promising not to cramp their style. God truly has a way of waking up my heart on occasion, and last night was like that.
We entered the field, which included more families than teens, and received our wristbands and lanterns. To my surprise and worry, they were also handing out matchbooks and lighters to every attendee! You can imagine the possible tragedies racing through my mind as I watched in wonder, the trust with which the items were freely distributed. There were well over 5,000 people in attendance, each one with two methods by which to light fire.The event was 6.5 hours long, beginning at 4:30 pm and concluding at 11:00 pm. I am grateful to report that there were no casualties or reason for the numerous fire trucks in attendance. For me, the night turned into an evening of spontaneous self-care and wellness that created a joy in my heart that will carry me for days.
With each lantern folks received, they were given a marker with which to write their wishes, hopes and prayers. Two magical things happened for me in terms of the markers/lanterns.
First, mine: When I had finished, I realized that nothing I had written on my lantern was a wish or hope...each was a prayer of gratitude, for my children, people with whom God has allowed me to share my life journey, my work, the deep love I hold in my heart, so many things...but want for nothing! That was not intentional, but in the end, it was revealing.
Second, my daughter: Anna's sixteen year old soul also took the lantern opportunity to do something other than to ask for desires to be fulfilled. While I respected her heart and did not ask to read what she wrote, she voluntarily shared with me that she was using her lantern to write down and "let go of things" with which she struggles.
If that glimpse into our evening is not a definition of spontaneous self-care and wellness, I don't know what else those words could possibly mean. On the exhausting hour and a half ride home, with my daughter and her closest of friends sleeping behind me, I spent miles praying for them, myself and all the people at the event who were representations of what happens when humanity comes together for a common purpose. Hearts were poured out, struggles were released, prayers written, love expressed.
And so, it is with my heart full that I suggest that you look for simple, spontaneous self-care opportunities every day. And if they are not obvious, perhaps you can practice some of these ways to nurture your soul and care for yourself, every single day...no exceptions! It really is that important and here is proof that it could be simple:
On a side note: Should we be running, exercising, eating right, etc...of course! And guess what...those things will fall into place more easily when your heart and mind are cared for, grateful and happy. By exercising mindful self-care on a daily basis, in simple ways that feed the soul, you will find that you are compelled to care for other aspects of the self.
I am not sure what happens to all those lanterns once they run out of fuel and burn out. They were said to be biodegradable and that brings solace to my "green"-heart. But in the end, it is the words printed on them that will either be let go as in Anna's case, or live on as in mine. If I were to have written a desire, it would be that each of us would find a way to nurture ourselves daily. Please don't let another day go by without caring for yourself in any simple way that you find. I'll be looking for your smile in Wawa, your eye contact and your shared ideas to help one another find simple paths toward wellness.
Your mental and physical health and well-being are no less imperative! Why then, in the many discussions on-line or in-person, when the question about wellness arises, are so many of us apt to state that we let self-care and wellness go unattended? At one time I believed that people thought there was honor in putting oneself aside for others. While martyrdom has its place in history, it has no place in our day-to-day life. Think about it, if you were to study history closely, you would find that the defined inevitable outcome for martyrs is death! And while there are a few who still believe living in such a way makes them a better person, I am no longer convinced that most of us push self-care aside to win 'Martyr of the Year'. I believe most people do not view self-care and self-preservation in the same way they view breathing, eating and drinking; as a necessity. Self-care is regarded as a luxury, something unnecessary for survival. This could not be more wrong!
Regardless of our reasons to put our wellness aside, it stops here! Today, at this moment, we make the commitment to do better! But don't worry, I think with a little prompting, you might find that self-care and wellness will be more easily accomplished than previously thought.
Last night I found myself on a blanket, one and half hours from home, experiencing my first ever NightLight Event. I'm embarrassed to admit that my initial intent was to drop my teenage daughter and her friend off and find a mall or restaurant where I could spend a few of the evening hours enjoying 'me time', assuming the event would be a conglomeration of teens. Not knowing the area to which we were headed, I neglected to consider that there would be no such shopping or dining experience to be had within miles of the venue, and so I found myself walking in with the girls, promising not to cramp their style. God truly has a way of waking up my heart on occasion, and last night was like that.
We entered the field, which included more families than teens, and received our wristbands and lanterns. To my surprise and worry, they were also handing out matchbooks and lighters to every attendee! You can imagine the possible tragedies racing through my mind as I watched in wonder, the trust with which the items were freely distributed. There were well over 5,000 people in attendance, each one with two methods by which to light fire.The event was 6.5 hours long, beginning at 4:30 pm and concluding at 11:00 pm. I am grateful to report that there were no casualties or reason for the numerous fire trucks in attendance. For me, the night turned into an evening of spontaneous self-care and wellness that created a joy in my heart that will carry me for days.
With each lantern folks received, they were given a marker with which to write their wishes, hopes and prayers. Two magical things happened for me in terms of the markers/lanterns.
First, mine: When I had finished, I realized that nothing I had written on my lantern was a wish or hope...each was a prayer of gratitude, for my children, people with whom God has allowed me to share my life journey, my work, the deep love I hold in my heart, so many things...but want for nothing! That was not intentional, but in the end, it was revealing.
Second, my daughter: Anna's sixteen year old soul also took the lantern opportunity to do something other than to ask for desires to be fulfilled. While I respected her heart and did not ask to read what she wrote, she voluntarily shared with me that she was using her lantern to write down and "let go of things" with which she struggles.
If that glimpse into our evening is not a definition of spontaneous self-care and wellness, I don't know what else those words could possibly mean. On the exhausting hour and a half ride home, with my daughter and her closest of friends sleeping behind me, I spent miles praying for them, myself and all the people at the event who were representations of what happens when humanity comes together for a common purpose. Hearts were poured out, struggles were released, prayers written, love expressed.
And so, it is with my heart full that I suggest that you look for simple, spontaneous self-care opportunities every day. And if they are not obvious, perhaps you can practice some of these ways to nurture your soul and care for yourself, every single day...no exceptions! It really is that important and here is proof that it could be simple:
-
a note to someone you love or care about: and if you are lucky enough to have them respond, it is the best medicine for any mental ailments with which you suffer
-
a note to someone newly put on your journey: let them know you are thankful that they are here
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a timer set for three minutes where you sit and relax your body from head to toe while "sitting on a cloud", "laying in the sand", "running up the side of a mountain" or where-ever your peace originates. Imagine the view, the sounds and the calm. (The first song last night's performer sang was one that I use for this kind of mental break, "Sittin' On the Dock of the Bay".) If your thoughts leave that place you've chosen, force them back! The rest of the day will allow you plenty of time to worry about whatever else ails you...those three minutes belong to you and your special place!
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before you step out of the car to go in to get that morning cup of coffee: create a game/goal to smile at five people and perhaps even try to get someone to laugh, or commit to make eye contact and notice the color of five people's eyes...practiced interactions help you connect, think of that person throughout the day and send positive vibes in two directions.
On a side note: Should we be running, exercising, eating right, etc...of course! And guess what...those things will fall into place more easily when your heart and mind are cared for, grateful and happy. By exercising mindful self-care on a daily basis, in simple ways that feed the soul, you will find that you are compelled to care for other aspects of the self.
I am not sure what happens to all those lanterns once they run out of fuel and burn out. They were said to be biodegradable and that brings solace to my "green"-heart. But in the end, it is the words printed on them that will either be let go as in Anna's case, or live on as in mine. If I were to have written a desire, it would be that each of us would find a way to nurture ourselves daily. Please don't let another day go by without caring for yourself in any simple way that you find. I'll be looking for your smile in Wawa, your eye contact and your shared ideas to help one another find simple paths toward wellness.
Tuesday, June 4, 2019
It's As Simple As That
I thought it might be helpful to post some simple stories and ideas to strike up conversation and last minute learning in the classroom over the next few posts. A lighthearted musing is my goal...let's see how I do.
Today we took a trip to the zoo. It was an exciting day for our students, many of whom had never been to the zoo before. As with most events of which I am blessed to be a part, the trip prompted my mind to start thinking and in the end, one theme prevailed...It's good to be simple.
I am a simple person. This is not a revelation to me or anyone who knows me well. Simple is not only my preferred method of living, it is my natural tendency. For me, simple is good. Simple is preferred. Simple solves a lot of the strife and stress caused by life's complicated nature. But what exactly does it mean to be simple? And why does it matter, especially in education?
To answer this, I want to ask you another question that came up repeatedly today with my students, and one that perhaps you will approach with your students as a result of this post.
Well, do you have one? I know you are likely older than most middle school students and well beyond the days of having favorite animals, colors, songs, etc...but take a moment and consider, if you were to have this conversation tomorrow with a room full of school-aged children what would your answer be and more importantly, why would you choose that animal?
I have a favorite animal, and my students already knew it. It is an animal that gets a bad rap...one that will never be found in a traditional zoo, and one that I doubt many of the readers sharing these words with us would choose. My favorite animal is the donkey, and I will stick by my decision regardless of the chuckles it creates. That is because the donkey is not only my favorite animal, but it stands for so much that I strive to create in my life, most of all, simplicity.
The donkey is simple. There is no glamour, no sparkle, no pizazz about the donkey. It's color, stature and demeanor are all non-assuming. But my affinity with the donkey goes deeper. It does not complain or tire easily, even with hard work. It gives its all, then gives some more if necessary. The donkey is sure and steady, dedicated and faithful. Sure, its strong-will has earned it the reputation of being stubborn, but really that's just another way to describe 'determined'. What's not to love!?
My father was a Pennsylvania Mennonite. His family lived without many of the luxuries others in our culture found to be necessities. The absence of excess that surrounded these people always impressed upon me the beauty of simplicity in living. Those who know me know that I drink my coffee black, allow my hair to gracefully grow into gray and live in a house boasting it's original woodwork walls and well-water. I am a person who prefers no extra steps, accepts life as it comes and enjoys the littlest of things as if they were all there is.
Today we took a trip to the zoo. It was an exciting day for our students, many of whom had never been to the zoo before. As with most events of which I am blessed to be a part, the trip prompted my mind to start thinking and in the end, one theme prevailed...It's good to be simple.
I am a simple person. This is not a revelation to me or anyone who knows me well. Simple is not only my preferred method of living, it is my natural tendency. For me, simple is good. Simple is preferred. Simple solves a lot of the strife and stress caused by life's complicated nature. But what exactly does it mean to be simple? And why does it matter, especially in education?
To answer this, I want to ask you another question that came up repeatedly today with my students, and one that perhaps you will approach with your students as a result of this post.
"What is your favorite animal?"
Well, do you have one? I know you are likely older than most middle school students and well beyond the days of having favorite animals, colors, songs, etc...but take a moment and consider, if you were to have this conversation tomorrow with a room full of school-aged children what would your answer be and more importantly, why would you choose that animal?
I have a favorite animal, and my students already knew it. It is an animal that gets a bad rap...one that will never be found in a traditional zoo, and one that I doubt many of the readers sharing these words with us would choose. My favorite animal is the donkey, and I will stick by my decision regardless of the chuckles it creates. That is because the donkey is not only my favorite animal, but it stands for so much that I strive to create in my life, most of all, simplicity.
The donkey is simple. There is no glamour, no sparkle, no pizazz about the donkey. It's color, stature and demeanor are all non-assuming. But my affinity with the donkey goes deeper. It does not complain or tire easily, even with hard work. It gives its all, then gives some more if necessary. The donkey is sure and steady, dedicated and faithful. Sure, its strong-will has earned it the reputation of being stubborn, but really that's just another way to describe 'determined'. What's not to love!?
My father was a Pennsylvania Mennonite. His family lived without many of the luxuries others in our culture found to be necessities. The absence of excess that surrounded these people always impressed upon me the beauty of simplicity in living. Those who know me know that I drink my coffee black, allow my hair to gracefully grow into gray and live in a house boasting it's original woodwork walls and well-water. I am a person who prefers no extra steps, accepts life as it comes and enjoys the littlest of things as if they were all there is.
I challenge you to consider what your daily routine would look like if you were to truly embrace simplicity in its purest form. Of what could you let go in order to more simply enjoy the treasure that is the teaching life? Gossip about co-workers or administration? Envy of what other districts offer or own? The need to be perfect? The need to have perfect students? You know the list...the list of things that holds you back from focusing on what really matters. I challenge you to let it all go.
Simplicity as a way of life embraces at its core that which is important and builds everything else up around it. Children are the single most important aspect of school! It really is that simple. They are the core of education around which everything else is built. Tomorrow let's keep it simple and build the day around the students. Consider having a conversation about favorite animals. Once they are listed, look them up for symbolism and lore. You might find out that your favorite animal has something to teach you. You'll likely find out that their favorite animal has something to teach your students. And together, you will all certainly find out that being simple together is what relationship is all about.
Saturday, June 1, 2019
The End: It's Time for ENDURANCE
This time of the school year separates the proverbial "Boys from the Men", "Mice from the Lions" or "Salsa from the 7-Layer Dip"...it is the time when we feel we cannot possibly go on stage one more time, but we must...with more gusto than ever, to keep our audience engaged to the very end. It's the finale...the final chance to shine...the last hurrah! Not surprisingly, the only way to make the finale magical for the audience is to show up, mentally and physically.
If you've not already guessed, we as teachers are called to be the 7-Layer dip. We are the actors who, after a 3 hour show, are expected to run on stage with enthusiasm for the last curtain call, so that our audience can enjoy their final moments with us. But it's hard, right? We are tired. We are ready for summer. We have given our everything all year long and after all, our contract dictates that we are entitled to days off. Well, as is my way, I am here to present you with a challenge. In the end, it really all comes down to patience vs. endurance. Will you fizzle out until the last day, just patiently waiting for it to arrive or do you have the endurance necessary to take your students' breath away every single day that you have left?
PATIENCE
Patience is the ability to wait for something without trying to rush it along since we know there is no way to make it happen any quicker. It does not take much effort to be patient in terms of passively waiting. We may wish time could move more quickly, but since we know it can't, we simply anticipate and hope and wait. We might utter the saying, "I can't wait!", but really we have no choice. We wait 9 months to meet our baby face to face. We wait for the day to arrive to attend a concert or event. We wait in line. We wait for the package to arrive or that important phone call to come. There is no true effort necessary for patience. Patience, in its purest form is simply the quality of being passive. Not the most enthralling teaching practice, for sure.
ENDURANCE
On the other hand, there is endurance. Endurance is finding the strength necessary to be actively patient. Endurance, in it's simplest form, is work. Endurance is a gauge of our stamina through challenges and a feeling of accomplishment at the gaining of a goal that goes beyond the measure of time. Endurance toward a goal is more than reaching the finale, it is doing so with flare! It is an achievement! It is a feat attained! Endurance requires an exclamation point! Endurance is, in the end, an incredible final lesson to leave with your students this school year. Demonstrating endurance is how I hope the teachers of my children spend their last days before summer break. I know it is how I plan to spend mine.
Patience dictates that 2:45, our end of the day, will arrive in the length of the 51 minute period no matter what I do. I can just sit and let the kids go about their business to pass the time...but what glory is there in that? True, I will need to be patient as I await the final bell of the day. I will likely need patience in its other meaning with the students, who now operating in boredom mode will likely misbehave and irritate one another. But even if I just sit back and let the minutes pass...the end will come.
If I muster up my endurance, I can strive to execute the best lesson of the year to get their attention and bring them on board for one last time before the break takes them from me. How great it would feel to know that I gave them one last hurrah, one more thing to consider before going home! More work for me? You betcha! But that's endurance and it's exactly what the BOE pays me to do... work until 2:45... not patiently passively wait for 2:45. Even when no one is watching or even when no one would blame a tired teacher for taking it easy, the teacher who exercises endurance keeps teaching.
Patience is waiting for the summer to come for rest and relaxation. I get it! But consider that we are running that last mile of the marathon. We can slouch along, patiently eking our way to the finish line, or we can give it our all, making sure that when we cross the line, we know that we tried our hardest to finish in our best time possible. Endurance is coming to school every day of those last few weeks because you know that the best thing for your students is to have the time with you. When you display discipline and endure every day to the end, you can know that you did the best you could for the students you claimed to love all year. I believe that for those who endure every hot June school-day while still teaching like we mean it, our summer will be sweeter because we were there for the students, finishing with all our might, right to the finale of the BEST YEAR EVER!
If you've not already guessed, we as teachers are called to be the 7-Layer dip. We are the actors who, after a 3 hour show, are expected to run on stage with enthusiasm for the last curtain call, so that our audience can enjoy their final moments with us. But it's hard, right? We are tired. We are ready for summer. We have given our everything all year long and after all, our contract dictates that we are entitled to days off. Well, as is my way, I am here to present you with a challenge. In the end, it really all comes down to patience vs. endurance. Will you fizzle out until the last day, just patiently waiting for it to arrive or do you have the endurance necessary to take your students' breath away every single day that you have left?
PATIENCE
Patience is the ability to wait for something without trying to rush it along since we know there is no way to make it happen any quicker. It does not take much effort to be patient in terms of passively waiting. We may wish time could move more quickly, but since we know it can't, we simply anticipate and hope and wait. We might utter the saying, "I can't wait!", but really we have no choice. We wait 9 months to meet our baby face to face. We wait for the day to arrive to attend a concert or event. We wait in line. We wait for the package to arrive or that important phone call to come. There is no true effort necessary for patience. Patience, in its purest form is simply the quality of being passive. Not the most enthralling teaching practice, for sure.
ENDURANCE
On the other hand, there is endurance. Endurance is finding the strength necessary to be actively patient. Endurance, in it's simplest form, is work. Endurance is a gauge of our stamina through challenges and a feeling of accomplishment at the gaining of a goal that goes beyond the measure of time. Endurance toward a goal is more than reaching the finale, it is doing so with flare! It is an achievement! It is a feat attained! Endurance requires an exclamation point! Endurance is, in the end, an incredible final lesson to leave with your students this school year. Demonstrating endurance is how I hope the teachers of my children spend their last days before summer break. I know it is how I plan to spend mine.
Picture this scenario:
It's Period 7 (last period of the day) on a June Friday in a Middle School class of 8th graders who have already achieved what they need to achieve in order to graduate and move on to high school. All they can think is how badly they want to go home.
Patience dictates that 2:45, our end of the day, will arrive in the length of the 51 minute period no matter what I do. I can just sit and let the kids go about their business to pass the time...but what glory is there in that? True, I will need to be patient as I await the final bell of the day. I will likely need patience in its other meaning with the students, who now operating in boredom mode will likely misbehave and irritate one another. But even if I just sit back and let the minutes pass...the end will come.
OR
If I muster up my endurance, I can strive to execute the best lesson of the year to get their attention and bring them on board for one last time before the break takes them from me. How great it would feel to know that I gave them one last hurrah, one more thing to consider before going home! More work for me? You betcha! But that's endurance and it's exactly what the BOE pays me to do... work until 2:45... not patiently passively wait for 2:45. Even when no one is watching or even when no one would blame a tired teacher for taking it easy, the teacher who exercises endurance keeps teaching.
Patience is waiting for the summer to come for rest and relaxation. I get it! But consider that we are running that last mile of the marathon. We can slouch along, patiently eking our way to the finish line, or we can give it our all, making sure that when we cross the line, we know that we tried our hardest to finish in our best time possible. Endurance is coming to school every day of those last few weeks because you know that the best thing for your students is to have the time with you. When you display discipline and endure every day to the end, you can know that you did the best you could for the students you claimed to love all year. I believe that for those who endure every hot June school-day while still teaching like we mean it, our summer will be sweeter because we were there for the students, finishing with all our might, right to the finale of the BEST YEAR EVER!
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