The Leader of the Band: by Dan Fogelberg
An only child
Alone and wild
A cabinet maker`s son
His hands were meant for different work
And his heart was known to none
Just this week one of my all time favorite musicians, Yusuf "Cat" Stevens, was inducted into the Songwriter's Hall of Fame. Stevens is the writer of the song, "Father and Son", which is a beautiful tribute to the journey of fatherhood. The lyrics of that song and the Dan Fogelberg tune shared throughout this post, prompted my thinking about various songs that were written in tribute to the amazing men who shape our lives. And while I have no intention of listing songs about dads here (there are so many great ones), discussing my odd musical weaknesses (Bolton...I hang my head in shame...) or taking this tribute to men in the direction that my humor dictates (The Weather Girls, anyone?), I did want to point out that the prominent songs about dads and men are centered around a single idea that drives all others, an idea that fathers and men need to heed and respect: The belief in the incredible responsibility of men in our world to shape and dictate the direction of our lives, just by being a part of them.
He left his home
And went his lone and solitary way
And he gave to me A gift I know
I never can repay
Our dads are important! Our dads shape who we become! Our dads are an integral piece of our journey, and when they are missing there is a void that must be filled by other stand-up men, stepping up and showing up, and being there for kids. These men are teachers, administrators, neighbors, coaches or family members and friends. The role they play in the script of life is significant but more consequential is the value of the time they spend with children, boys and girls, teaching them what it means to be a Good Man. Good Men take the responsibility to guide and lead seriously, and they do not waver from teaching the values of love, loyalty and integrity. They may not be perfect, but they are present and they are intentional.
A quiet man of music
Denied a simpler fate
He tried to be a soldier once
But his music wouldn`t wait
He earned his love through discipline
A thundering, velvet hand
His gentle means of sculpting souls
Took me years to understand
My father died three days after I turned 14. This timing was undoubtedly a meaningful factor in my development, and I know I missed out on some important bonding times with the man I barely remember. But what strikes me most each Father's Day is that although he was not physically a part of my life's journey after age 14, he was still there with me along my path. He was there in my mind whenever I needed to talk. He was there as I noticed and appreciated the men in my life who had the power to change thoughts, drive intentions and love intensely. And he continues to be here now as I watch my children display his character, talents and passions.
The leader of the band is tired
And his eyes are growing old
But his blood runs through my instrument
And his song is in my soul
My father had the ability to sit at an instrument and play a tune without reading music. I've little doubt now that my son inherited Perfect Pitch from his grandfather and my daughter inherited his musical nature as she adeptly plays her guitar as if it were a natural extension of herself. My father had an uncanny dry sense of humor, a trait displayed in all of my children as we enjoy laughing with one another about things we are certain others might not even understand. And my father had a humble work ethic that brought him to his job every day for many years, working hard because he knew his obligation to provide for his family was important. I see this incredible quiet determination as my children are driven to achieve in school, sports and music by showing up, following the rules and meeting the goals they set for themselves.
My life has been a poor attempt
To imitate the man
I'm just a living legacy
To the leader of the band
Depending on how you understand death, you may or may not relate to this aspect of today's post. When I was in high school and even in college, there were times when the knowledge that my dad was looking upon me from his new "life", helped me to make decisions and choices in a way that would make him proud. It was as if his parenting took on a different form, one that caused me to miss his physical presence, but to experience his loving attention more intensely. I wanted to be like him in his quiet ability to enjoy life without talking much, and his humble attention to the needs of others. I wanted to make him proud of me and what I was accomplishing in terms of service to others. Our fathers have a lasting role in our lives, one that is not limited by the boundaries of this world. They live in our hearts, yes. They live in our minds, certainly. And they live in our children, through traits and talents and passions. I know my father did not consider how he was affecting me; he just did. If you are a Good Man, father or not, take a moment today to consider how you are affecting the children in your life, whether they be your personal children, students, or other children blessed to be on your life's path. They are watching...they are learning...from you!
I thank you for the music
And your stories of the road
I thank you for the freedom
When it came my time to go
The song I've shared throughout this post is one I used when I was in my late teens and invited to speak about the passing of my father at a retreat. It is a song by Dan Fogelberg called "Leader of the Band". He wrote the song for his dad in 1981. His dad died in 1982, living a full year enjoying the words so beautifully sung by his son. Take time today, if you are lucky enough to have your dad here, other good men in your life who have helped to mold you, and/or your children who emulate you as their dad, to tell them exactly what it is that you love about them. Fogelberg's song ends with:
