Summertime in the Maccaroni house is just another word for Family-WrestleMania, albeit verbal. My kids are not physically confrontational, thankfully, but each of them can deliver a tongue lashing that may as well be a perfectly planted right-hook. Summertime allows for more time together, which inevitably means more time to share ideas---and more time to disagree. As I watch them, I can't help but contemplate that they are mirroring societal discord as they are expected to get along while the onslaught of opinions and ideas of others are relentlessly delivered.
Many people believe that as a society, we have never been more divided than we are right now. Any and all issues seem to invite folks to draw a line and pick a side, and we are doing so more and more fervently and frequently. We disagree about politics, child rearing, education and economics. We can't seem to find common ground on gender issues, racial tensions and general equality. The list could go on and on, but you get the point. It would appear that people are more divided than ever, and the relentless conflicts will persist without solution.
Well, here are my thoughts:
1. We are no more divided than we have been in the past. Consider that perhaps today opposing opinions are just more easily put before us because we are in fact less divided; living next to folks who think differently instead of those who share our same history and readily reading/hearing the opinions of others through media sources. How then do we learn to understand and appreciate one another? This is the beautiful challenge of our diverse country! We are experiencing growing pains as now we have to learn to live gracefully among varying minded individuals. We are not only very young in "Nation Years", (kinda like dog years, with an even larger differential, maybe every 100 years equals one human year), but we are also an unprecedented experiment in nation building. We must be patient and we must be more open minded than any other societal citizens. How do we do this? By first believing that most people, even those with whom we don't see eye-to-eye, are good and decent human beings!
2. The fight will go on and on, and that is wonderful! As I watch my children disagree, I find that I do not take sides, nor do I stop them from arguing. I let them disagree and only occasionally interject to reiterate the points being made so that it is spoken in a language the others can understand, ruminate on, and effectively dispute or concede to. I teach them that there are flaws in all arguments, helping my children realize that opinions are personal, and as such naturally wrought with imperfection. When we realize the deficiencies in our own opinions, it is then that we are able to truly work with others toward a common ground and true goal.
3. Unless and until we learn to disagree effectively, embracing the natural tendency to work things out through discourse, we will never grow from the arguments we enter into. No one likes a spitting match that goes on and on without gains, but it is also true that nothing is accomplished by taking my spit (or my opinion in this case), going home and keeping it to myself either. We need to continually ask ourselves certain questions: Why do they oppose me? What are the flaws in my opinion? What are they seeing that I am not? Whose interests do we each have in mind? Is it more important that I win, that I am right, or that we find a solution?
And so that is where I shall leave you. As promised, my summer posts will be shorter...just a little something to keep our minds nimble. Time for me to get my whistle and head back into the ring where my children and I will hone the art of disagreeing with grace, conceding with dignity, and surrendering the fear of losing for the victory of finding the best solution.
"Surround yourself with likeminded people and together you'll find that you are always right. This, however, is not how solutions are born. Don't lose sight of what you are seeking." -my own words...not really a quote...yet...
